Lessons to be Learned

      The following is a list of lessons that Ph learned throughout his life. It would be wise to use this advise in your own life experience.

1.      Never go to sleep because you might have a weird dream, but if do you like weird dreams go to sleep all the time.

2.      Don't sell your might because you might need it sometime.

3.      If you buy some new stairs, make sure it has a lifetime warranty.

4.      Wear safety goggles when pouring milk into your corn flakes. Or pour your milk into the cereal box and eat out of it.

5.      Never do cartwheels in paper shoes.

6.      Don't be a doctor because you might lose your sense of humor.

7.      Going one year without eating will most likely make you hungry.

8.      Not all stories are good at all.

9.      Hats are meant to keep bats from hurting your head when they hit you, but only animal bats, not baseball bats.

10.      Don't bet on the Bills because they have a bad kicker.

11.      Don't kick people into knife collections.

13.      Check your glass for gasoline before you drink.

14.      Never kiss a crocodile.

15.      Do your homework before you go to a football game.

16.      Not every story has a lesson.

17.      If you wake up deaf, check your ears because someone might have put cotton in them.

18.      Don't wear hats because you might get hit by lightning.

19.      You have to look very hard to see a rock's mouth, but don't look too hard because you might hit your head.

20.      Tadpoles aren't the same thing as frogs even though they're both green.

21.      Don't be afraid of numbers that are multiples of seven.

22.      Always pay your electric bill because electricity has feelings too.

23.      Two is better than one, and four is better than three.

24.      One is better than nothing if you have one invisible fence.

25.      Don't smoke in non-smoking areas.

26.      Don't spit at fans unless they're off or you will get a wet surprise.

27.      You can't live with anyone if you're not alive.

28.      Buy an air conditioner so the little bunny rabbit won't melt.

29.      Don't wear shirts with pockets in them to prevent losing your baseball cards.

30.      If you start to laugh too much, try to shove a carrot in your mouth before your side splits open.

31.      Always remember: Every once in a while, there is usually a chance that nothing is never impossible, as long as it has happened at least three times before in the last week.

32.      Funny funny bees make honey, funny funny give me money!

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Last Updated on January 31st, 1999
©1993-1999 B. Wood Bailey, Jr.