Part VII
Another Dream

Chapter 19:   Trees

      When Ph was walking home, he saw a tree. After he saw the tree, he got an idea, and it only cost him a buck and a quarter and three pennies. Then he took a nap under the tree. By the time he took his nap, he was very tired because it took him all day to dig up the tree so he could take his nap under it. While he was napping he had another dream. His dream went something like this:
      In a strange land, far, far, away, there was a tree. It was a strange tree because it was green, not purple, but green. It also had green leaves, not pink, but brown. On the trunk of the tree, not an elephant's trunk, a tree trunk, there was a lot of tree bark, not a dog bark, tree bark (woof woof). Next to the tree was another fellow tree. This tree was just like the other tree except it was different. The second tree was taller, smaller, and not the same size. Then there was a third tree that was on the other side of the first tree. Actually, it was kind of perpendicular to the imaginary line formed by the first two trees. Anyway, this third tree was different because it wasn't a tree, it was a big tall thing with bark, leaves, and branches coming off of a thing similar to a tree trunk. OK, so maybe it was a tree, or at least a cousin of one.
      One day, a person saw the trees and got very upset because there were only three trees, not four, and everyone knows that four is better than three because it has always been that way, unless you're talking about the number of bruises on your banana. So the person decided to plant another tree next to the others. The person went to the tree store and bought a tree that had a lot of luxuries like a T.V., a stereo, a refrigerator, a couch, a VCR, and two and a half bathrooms (it's too bad that the tree didn't have electricity, and wasn't potty trained). Then the person planted the tree next to the others. He planted it with his old little plastic shovel that he got in his happy meal. The happy meal was so happy that the boy has never been sad since, except for the time when he cried because he fell off the back deck of his house.
      When the other trees saw the luxury tree, (don't ask me how, because they don't have eyes) they got jealous and started to drop leaves on it. The luxury tree didn't mind because it had a built in cleaning system. Then the other trees got very really extremely mad and began throwing bricks at it. There was a sale on bricks so the trees had a big supply to throw at the tree. There was also a sale on jeans but since the trees couldn't wear jeans, they didn't buy any. Soon the luxury tree wasn't happy anymore. As a matter of fact, it was kind of unhappy. It started to think that the other trees didn't like him. Then a dog came floating by and went to the bathroom on the first three trees. Then the trees died because they weren't alive any more. Then another dog came along, but it was a hot dog so it just got moldy. Then the last tree got very lonely.
      After a few years, the person who planted the tree came back. The person was surprised to see the other three trees dead. The person knew that two is better than one because the more the merrier, so the person decided to buy another tree. The person went to the tree store but the store wasn't there so it was gone. It had gone out of business because all of its trees died because some dork let a dog inside the store and it killed all of them. (it really had to go very bad).
      Now that the world is overpopulated with dogs, all the trees in the world are dead except for the luxury tree because it came with an invisible fence. Since it didn't have any electricity, the fence was useless, but the moldy hot dog kept the dogs away anyway, so every one thought the fence was really working.

      When Ph woke up, he went home and cleaned a hot dog off his pants.

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Last Updated on January 31st, 1999
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