Part VI
The Sixth Part

Chapter 17:   European Animals


      After lunch, Ph had math class. After math class, Ph had English class. Everyone in the class had to write a story about European animals. Below is a copy of Ph's story.

European Animals
by Ph Bleep

      Once upunu time there was a planet, this planet was called Earth and it looked just like our Planet because it was our planet, but I can't tell you much about Earth because that's not my job, anyway, on this plane, I mean planet, there were a lot of people that looked just like us because they were us and there was a place where all the kids went to so they could learn things and then forget them over the summer from evaporation at the beach and they called this place school and nobody liked school because it wasn't fun, it wasn't fun because the school ran out of fun a year ago the principal forgot to order some more, and in this school there was a person, and this person wasn't a penguin or a boy, it was a girl, and this girl's name was Cantt Cowntue Aghte, and she hated school more than anyone else in her whole family, she was an orphan, she hated school even more than she hated getting gum stuck in her hair, the reason why she didn't like school was because she had a teacher, and the only reason why she didn't like her teacher was because the teacher made learn about math, and Cantt Cowntue Aghte hated math more than she hated school, she even hated math more than she hated having nuclear weapons explode in her ears, she didn't like math because a long time ago, her pet gerbil told her a joke, and the joke went like this: Why was the number 8 afraid of the number 7, because seven eight nine, she didn't get it at first, but then she heard about the death of number 9, so the joke meant that the number 7 ate number 9, ha, after this, it took her seven days before she stopped crying, then she didn't look at any numbers for ten days, so now she is afraid to count because she is afraid that she'll be eaten by the number 7 because she knew that soon the sevens would eat up all the numbers so then it would have to eat little children, then one day, the girl had a dream and the dream was scary and she didn't tell anyone what it was about because she wanted to forget about it, I can't tell you what the dream was about because she didn't tell me either, the next day, everyone found out that the girl was right, all the number sevens in the world, including the ones with the slashes in the middle got together to form a coalition that was planning to take over all the numbers in the world so they could make a huge number, then they were going to make all the humans, except for the dead ones, write the number with pieces of blue chalk, actually it was more like robin's egg blue chalk, by the end of the week, all the numbers were under the control of the sevens, they were all lined up in a circle to make one large number that had 99 thousand-triplexgazillion digits, then they gave all the living humans a piece of red chalk so they could write it (the blue chalk got too expensive), the plan was working perfect, but then, oh no, after two hours, all the pieces of chalk were all used up, and then the sevens tried to get more chalk, but the chalk had to be back ordered because all the chalk factories didn't have any more because without numbers, they couldn't calculate how much money the workers got paid for working so they couldn't work to make chalk, then all the number sevens got very mad and they started to cry and cry and cry and soon the world was flooded with tears and tear drops and all the numbers floated away (except for the ones on Noah's Ark) until all the tears dried up and so the numbers couldnŐt float any more, but all the numbers ended up were they came from so everyone lived happily ever after except for the number threes and Mr. Scrooge.

      As you just probably noticed, Ph didn't know how to use periods so his story was only one sentence long. Ph got an A+ because he didn't get any problems wrong, but on his English paper, he got an F-- because he forgot to mention some European animals. Then he brought it back to his teacher and said he should get an A+ because he mentioned a gerbil, and some people in Europe have pet gerbils. Well the teacher regraded it, but he still got an F- because the teacher took off one point for every missing period and then another one point because the first letter after the period needed to be capitalized too.       After school, Ph went home and went to bed right away because he was very exhausted (you would be exhausted too if you had to read an 689 word story in one breath like Ph did (go ahead, count them)).





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Last Updated on January 31st, 1999
©1993-1999 B. Wood Bailey, Jr.