Part V
Ph Watches TV

Chapter 14:   The Greatest Invention


      The news was over, so Ph flipped about the channels and started to watch a documentary about how the hat was invented. Here is a summary of the show:
      Once upon uh time, there was an inventor. This inventor was a person, and every one called him Bill because that is what his name tag said. He was an inventor because he invented things (he also invented stuff). He invented things like glow in the dark door stops so you don't trip on them when your eyes are closed, pens that donŐt run out of ink (but they still did), books that turn their pages automatically (but they always turned a couple of lines too soon), and ice cream that doesn't melt until it gets warm. He also invented some things that you've probably never heard of, like shoes with soles, light bulbs that give off light, sticky glue, round tires, soft pillows, hard rocks, polyester candy that tastes like real cotton candy, dirt that isn't dirty, silent drums, and cold ice cubes.
      One day, Bill decided that he wasn't going to invent anymore, but then he changed his mind. He had to make something that could make him a lot of money so he could retire, because he was going to be 97 years old (in about 65 years). He couldn't decide whether to invent a machine that added and subtracted bananas, or to invent a piece of clothing that could be worn on the head of a human. He flipped a coin, and the machine won (it was a close one though, because the coin kept spinning so either side could've been shown facing skyward). He ended up making the head thing, because he found out that the machine was already invented 20 years ago, and it was called a calculator.
      He began drawing designs for this thing. He used his purple markers. After a month, he finally had it finished. Now he had to think of a name for it, because his picture frame was made of wood and wood doesn't last for ever unless it isn't real wood. He asked his great great grandson, and he said it looked and smelled like a hat. He called it hat because you wear it on your head and head and hat both begin with the letter "h", and it will protect you if a bat flies into your head, and hat rhymes with bat.
      Then Bill started to make hundreds of hats, and they all looked the same because they all resembled each other. Then he thought of a problem, and then he forgot what it was, then he remembered what it was. The problem was: What would you do when you grew up and the hat didn't fit your head any more? He tried to ask his wife for a solution, but he wasn't married, so that didn't work. He asked his great great grand daughter and she said, "Then you can buy a new one." That was the answer to his problem.
      Bill commenced making different sizes, such as: big, bigger, biggest, and extra medium. First the hats were made of paper, but they were abandoned because when they got wet, they stuck to your hair like a piece of gum. Then they were constructed of metal, but then people started to be struck by lightning. Then he made them out of wood, but people were attacked by termites. After this, the man gave up. This was the first time he ever gave up trying to make a hat, so it wasn't easy for him to do.
      Ten years later, a German scientist built a hat out of cloth like the ones today. This scientist made millions of dollars, and he used all the money to hire people to visit Bill and make fun of him because he didn't know how to make a hat.




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Last Updated on January 31st, 1999
©1993-1999 B. Wood Bailey, Jr.