Part IV
Ph Goes Shopping

Chapter 11:   Everyday Thoughts


      While Ph was in the store that didn't sell tape, he bought an old man's journal. He knew it came from an old man, because the title of the journal was An Old Man'sJournal. The man who wrote it spent his whole life thinking of things that didn't make any sense. Below is a copy of part of this interesting, yet stupid and pointless journal.

2/23/78 Today is the day after yesterday, not everything is purple, the sky is blue, pens write with ink, crayons are not pens, walls are flat, ouch, dad spelled backwards is still dad, the newspaper tell the news, but only when you read it.

3/2/78 Then sun is far away, I am a man, hi little bug, nothing is no thing, a is one letter, my name is the same as it was last week, lemonade has no limes. La la laa, cars go fast, slugs go slower unless they're smushed on the car's tires, lots of persons are people, don't be afraid, pizza tastes good, dirt tastes bad, hair grows.

1/1/56 Mirrors can break, a week is seven days, no, yes, maybe, I don't know, plugs plug into things, cannons go kaboom!, but only when you shoot them, cannons can break things.

10/16/89 The alphabet has letters, stories don't tell you anything because they can't talk, my room has a window, I wish it had a door.

8/22/77 You aren't awake when you go to sleep, loud noises hurt your ears, don't try to screw in nails, hats go on your head, what is that, my eye hurts, planes can't fly in the ocean because the weren't made to do it, my friend was born on his birthday.

6/4/94 I can't write because I broke both of my hands, don't saw a board on your lap if you're using a jigsaw, blood stain clothes.

7/8/82 Boxes hold things and so do your fingers, there are many kinds of grapes, music is cool, I hate songs, dogs make barks not woofs.

9/9/69 Gee wiz, pez makes a good meal, waffles are kind of like pancakes but different, plaid shirts are two striped shirts on top of each other, hicupachoo, good grief, the Dolphins are a good football team, but soccer is football, what is parchisi?

4/17/71 English is a language, Englad is not, but England is a country, raisins give you gas, filler up please, drive on a parkway, park on a driveway, walk in the park, but don't drive in my way, birds have white poopie.

5/31/88 I was late but I wasn't invited so it didn't matter, Snickers don't really satisfy me, I'm silly like that, coconuts tastes better when you take the outside stuff off.

3/14/96 Water tastes kind of like silicon, the mail man doesn't like it when I shoot him with my paintball gun when he's not looking, stupid people don't really seem stupid if you're stupid (I should know because I'm smart).

5/9/97 The less you talk, the more you know, because you can't think when you talk, I think I'll shut up now.

Ph learned a lot about nothing after reading this. He learned nothing because he already had thought about all of those things dozens of times before, except for the interesting shirt theorem:




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Last Updated on January 31st, 1999
©1993-1999 B. Wood Bailey, Jr.