Ph had a friend in school who had problems with pets too. Here is a little story about his friend, whose name happens to be Little Silly Billy: |
Once upon a time, there was a rock. A medium sized rock. Not a big rock. Not a small rock. It was rock colored and very dirty. This rock was also as hard as solid rock.
One day, Little Silly Billy was skipping down along a dirt path in the woods, on the way to Grandmother's house. He didn't see the tree in his way and so he hit it as if he were a drunk driver, and fell down like a drunk driver. He fell right next to that rock. Then he said, "Well great golly, rock frolly! I've never seen this rock before. It must be new to town." Then he stood up. When he stood up, he hit his head on a branch from the tree and fell down again. This time when he fell, he smacked his tooth right on the rock. Since the rock was as hard as rock, it knocked Little Silly Billy's tooth right out of his mouth and into the air. It was knocked out with so much force, that now the tooth is orbiting mars. This made Little Silly Billy unjoyful. He tried yelling at the rock, but this didn't seem to affect it. He made the conclusion that the rock was deaf. Knowing this made him feel sorry for the rock, because he knew what it was like to be deaf. Many a year ago, Ph put cotton in Little Silly Billy's ears when he was asleep. When he woke up, he thought he was as deaf as a doorstop.
Little Silly Billy thought the rock needed someone to take care of it, and feed it premium food, so he brought it home with him. He didn't have anything to keep it in, so he went to Cages 'R Us and bought a cage with a little house and a feeding dish in it. It cost him a grand total of $56.34, which was nothing for him because he won a sweepstakes from a bank once, and the prize was a life time supply of money. Unfortunately, Little Silly Billy didn't read the fine print which said that his life must be terminated by his 18'th birthday. When he got home, he put the rock in the cage. He thought the rock must have been tired, because all it wanted to do was sit and sleep. Little Silly Billy decided to name the rock Sitnsleep after his uncle, who died that morning. He died from trying to nail the brim of his hat back onto the hat, and he had forgotten to take it off his head before doing it.
After a few days, Little Silly Billy was getting worried with Sitnsleep, because it hadn't been eating anything. Then he tried to force feed it. Eventually, he realized something. This something was that he didn't even know where the rock's mouth was! He looked all over the rock, and all under the rock, but he couldn't find it. He decided to make a mouth for it. (Of course he would have to charge the rock for doing this.) He got a chisel and a hammer, and started right away. He held the hammer on the rock, and hit it with the chisel. His other uncle, Stew Pihd, had taught him how to chisel.
Uh Oh! Poor Sitnsleep shattered into 89 pieces. Now there were 89 little, puny, pebble sized Sitnsleeps. He knew he wouldn't be able to take care of all of them, so he went to the ocean. He didn’t see the water and drove right into it! This made his car wet. While he was there though, he tossed the pebbles into the water. He wasn't very good at throwing, so only a few of them actually made it into the water. The rest either landed on his foot or hit a near by seagull.
A week later, he finally made it home (He had to walk home because he some how blew up his car while it was in the water and a rock hit the gas tank). Then he remembered. He had thrown all the little puny pebble sized Sitnsleeps away, and now he didn't have any more. Then he thought, “Oh well, at least I still have my steering wheel.”
Soon, Little Silly Billy got a pet dog. He learned from his pet ruck (I'm not a very good speller) that pets don't eat, so he didn't even bother feeding his dog. For some reason, the dog didn't like Little Silly Billy and it ran away. Little Silly Billy became eternally depressed, but at least he only had to live until he was 18 years old.
(The end of this part, not the world, silly)