Part II
A Night in the Life of Ph

Chapter 3:   Hungry


      After the game was over, Ph and Ewe were still alive. Ewe was a bit larger then most other boys his age. The reason for him being so large was because he was fat. He was fat because he ate a lot of food. The reason why he ate a lot of food was because he was always hungry. He was always hungry because he was never not hungry. Let's face it, Ewe liked to eat. He didn't like to drink. He was afraid to drink because he was worried that someone would switch his drinking glass with a glass of gasoline when he blinked. This happened to his father many times. I met his father once and he said, "hi," then I said, "hi." Then he said, "bye," and I said, "neigh." (Ph's been teaching me how to act like a horse. He's a very good actor, especially when it comes to acting immature). I like ice cream. One day the boy ate too much food and he got a stomach ache. He was very sad and promised that he would never eat more than 11 pounds of food in an hour again. To help him do this, he got custom made shoes which had weighing scales built into the soles. Whenever his weight increased by 11 pounds, his shoes would take a feather and tickle his feet. This made him laugh, which stopped him from eating. A lot of people got a kick out of these special shoes. Every time Ewe would run, jump, or pick up something heavy, or get hit on the head with a meteorite, he would start laughing.
      The next day, Ewe saw a sign that said, "All you can eat for $3." He went into the place and forgot all about his promise, and he took off his shoes. When he walked in the door, he was inside the building. Then the owner saw him and said to be gone with himself, because the last time Ewe went there, he ate all the food in town except for the food that wasn't in the restaurant. Also, the restaurant requires all customers to wear shoes, just like Macdonalds. Finally, the owner tried to kick the boy out, but he wasn't strong enough because he didn't have any muscles. Then the owners told one of his employees to kick out Ewe, but the employee wasn't paying attention so the owner had to say it again just a little louder. This employee was the kicker for the Bills football team. If anyone could kick the boy out, it had to be him. The kicker put on his helmet. He looked stupid because the kicker's helmets don't have cool face masks because they're wimps. After the kicker looked stupid, he looked at Ewe. The kicker ran up to the boy and kicked him as hard as he could. Ewe went flying through the air but missed the door. He landed on the wall and stuck there like a piece of cheese wiz. He died instantly because the owner had his knife collection hanging on the wall with all the blades pointing outward. I knew the kicker wouldnÕt be able to kick Ewe out the door, because one time in a Super Duper Bowl game he could have made his team win but he didn't. His team didn't win because the other team did instead. This was because the other team's score was higher than the kicker's team. The kicker's team would've had a higher score, but they didn't because he made the last field goal. It was too bad that he kicked it trough his own field goal because that doesn't count.
      The owner was happy because Ewe's parents let him keep the boy so he could be used for "all you can eat night." The boy was a little fatty, but other than that, he tasted mighty fine.

Cheese wiz on a wall


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Last Updated on January 31st, 1999
©1993-1999 B. Wood Bailey, Jr.