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join

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Joker
mtaz@technologist.com

Here is a sampling of what you can expect

Euroenglish

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the
hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by z" and "w" by " v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

To unsubscribe ( We shall miss you dearly Sob, Sob L)

Maybe This will change your mind

What if _____ made toasters?

If IBM made a toaster, it would be big and blue and they would make just one toaster to which people would submit bread for overnight toasting. IBM would project an eventual worldwide market of, oh, maybe five or six of these big blue toasters.

If MICROSOFT made toasters, you would have to buy a toaster every time you bought a loaf of bread. The new TOASTER '95 would be overpriced, would take up 95% of your kitchen space, would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them and if you are the rightful owner, and would then falsely claim to be the very first toaster that lets you control the darkness of your toast. Everyone would hate MICROSOFT toasters, but would buy them anyway
because most of the good bread will work only with their TOASTER '95. Additionally, once you have a TOASTER '95, it's nearly impossible to get rid of it.

If RADIO SHACK made toasters, their sales associates would try to sell you the entire store-full, but would be able to tell you nothing about any of them . . . and would get angry if you asked. You could also buy the toaster in individually plastic bagged pieces for assembly yourself . . . but you would have to go to at least six stores for all of the essential pieces.

If POPULAR SCIENCE made toasters, they would be highlighted as a continuing feature article for several months running and be so complicated and impractical that only the author would ever think about making one. The Government would be petitioned to create an Incentive Toasting scheme . .

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