Quotes from Patton

Chaplain: I noticed that you keep a Bible by your bed, General. Do you find time to read it?
General George S. Patton: Yes, I do... every goddamn day.

Col. Codman: This is from General Alexander, sir, reminding you that you are not to take Palermo.
Patton: Send him a message, Cod. Ask him if he wants me to give it back!

Reporter: Well, the people back home are interested in you, General. They're curious about your pearl-handled revolvers.
Patton: They're ivory. Only a pimp from a cheap New Orleans whorehouse would carry a pearl-handled pistol.

Yesterday, the Inspector General's office told me my Italian prisoners didn't have enough latrines. Hell, they didn't know what a damn latrine was until I showed 'em!
--General Patton

Monty: Don't smirk, Patton. I shan't kiss you.
Patton: That's a pity, because I shaved very close this morning in preperation for getting smacked by you.

Remember, your worst enemy is your own big mouth.

--General Bedell Smith to General Patton

Patton: I'll tell you, Cod, I've learned my lesson. If I ever do get another chance, I'm gonna keep my mouth shut... I'm gonna play the game. If I forget, you remind me.
Codman: I'll give you a gentle nudge in the ribs.
Patton: You'll give me a swift kick in the ass.
Codman: Yes, sir.

Fixed fortifications are monuments to the stupidity of man.
--General Patton

British Field Marshal: I should've thought you'd want to fall back and regroup.
General George S. Patton, Jr.: Not me, Teddie. I don't like to pay for the same real estate twice.

Colonel: Sir, General McAuliffe turned down a German surrender demand. You know what he said?
Patton: What?
Colonel: He said, "Nuts."
Patton: Keep 'em moving, Colonel. A man that eloquent has to be saved.

(after Patton has an outburst in front of his staff)

Codman: You know something, General? Sometimes they can't tell when you're acting and when you're not.
Patton: It isn't important for them to know. It's only important for me to know.

Chaplain: You wanted to see me, General?
Patton: Oh, yes, Chaplain. I'm sick and tired of Third Army having to fight the Germans, the Supreme Command, no gasoline, and now this ungodly weather. I want a prayer... a weather prayer.
Chaplain: A weather prayer, sir?
Patton: Yes, let's see if you can't get God working with us on this thing.
Chaplain: It'll take a pretty thick rug for that kind of praying.
Patton: I don't care if it takes a flying carpet.
Chaplain: I don't know how this is going to be received, General. Praying for good weather so we can kill our fellow man?
Patton: I assure you, sir, because of my intimate relations with the Almighty, if you write a good prayer, we'll have good weather. I expect that prayer within an hour.

Almighty and most merciful Father, we humbly beseech Thee of Thy great goodness to restrain this immoderate weather with which we have had to contend. Grant us fair weather for battle. Graciously hearken to us as soldiers who call upon Thee, that armed with Thy power, we may advance from victory to victory and crush the wickedness and oppression of our enemies and establish Thy justice among men and nations. Amen.

The weather's perfect. Cod, get me that chaplain. He stands in good with the Lord, and I want to decorate him.
--General Patton, the day after the Weather Prayer worked

Reporter: Sir, did you say if you found your army between the Germans and the Russians, you'd attack in both directions?
Patton: No, I never said that. I never said any such thing... but I wish I had.

There's only one proper way for a professional soldier to die: from the last bullet of the last battle of the last war.

--General Patton to General Omar Bradley, Patton

For over a thousand years, Roman conquerors returning from the wars enjoyed the honor of a triumph, a tumultuous parade. In the procession came trumpeters and musicians, and strange animals from the conquered territories, together with carts laden with treasure and captured armaments. The conqueror rode in a triumphal chariot, the dazed prisoners walking in chains before him. Sometimes his children, robed in white, stood with him in the chariot or rode the trace horses. A slave stood behind the conqueror holding a golden crown, and whispering in his ear a warning that all glory is fleeting.

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