NYPD Blue: Season
Four
(1996-97)
page two
"Upstairs, Downstairs"
"Tom and Geri"
"A Remington Original"
"Taillight's Last Gleaming"
"What a Dump!"
"A Wrenching Experience"
"I Love Lucy"
"Bad Rap"
"Emission Impossible"
"Is Paris Burning?"
"A Draining Experience"
"Upstairs, Downstairs" (04.12)
(examining a DOA in a dumpster)
Greg Medavoy: Is that an earring in her navel? One of those pierce
jobs?
Jill Kirkendall: Yeah, plus a couple tattoos. If I'd set foot in my
parents' house with any of this crap...
Greg Medavoy: Yeah, I know. If I let slip a curse word anywheres close to
my old man... POW. Right across the mouth.
Jill Kirkendall: Yeah, but it taught you respect.
Greg Medavoy: Yeah, no earrings in my navel.
(looking at the fetish film the victim starred in)
Greg Medavoy: What's "Crush-o-Rama" supposed to mean?
Jill Kirkendall: I get the feeling it's not from the "G" section at
Blockbuster.
(after a confrontation with the desk sergeant)
Bobby Simone: Good for you Andy, not goin' off.
Andy Sipowicz: Digestion, blood pressure... everything's gonna be out of
whack the whole rest of the day 'cause I walk without hittin' this turd.
Mr. Green, realizing how I do, what with you being a lawyer, you're probably
all involved with this case emotionally. I won't take offense, you inferring I'm
a crook. (pause) Just end our little chat suggesting that you kiss my
Polish ass.
--Andy Sipowicz talking to a lawyer involved with the murder of singer
Tony Moore
Who's the yellow son of a bitch scratched up my car, huh? (pause) None
of youse got the balls to stand up for what you did? Don't mess with my car,
mess with me! Write "rat" on me!
--Andy Sipowicz after one of the uniform cops scratched "rat" into the
door of his car
I.A.B. Sgt. Jerry Martens: Understand this case, you fells have been
getting a taste of what we get every day. "The Rat Squad."
Andy Sipowicz: Hope that don't mean you're gonna want to hold hands on
the way over.
(watching Zorzi's interview from the observation room)
Andy Sipowicz: You hear this moron?
Bobby Simone: Shhh.
Mike Zorzi: (in the pokey room, talking at the mirror) What I
didn't figure was you finding out about Trish.
Andy Sipowicz: (scoffs) Oh, yeah, that was a tough one. Y'know, he
didn't figure that we would canvass the [license] plates at the crime scene.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Sipowicz...
Mike Zorzi: That caught me by surprise. I should have never let her be
part of this.
Andy Sipowicz: Didn't figure we'd come up with Trish, didn't think we'd
tear down this phantom Puerto Rican number two... which took us about 27
minutes, you murdering scumbag nitwit!
Sgt. Martens: Will someone shut him up?
Now my insides in an upheaval, the nighttime too, not hitting this imbecile.
--Andy Sipowicz, after he didn't go at it with Sgt. Baumgartner again
(Geri comes down the stairs from Anti-Crime as Andy walks up the stairs to
the squad)
Geri Turner: Andy, I need to talk with you.
Andy Sipowicz: You'll get over it.
Geri Turner: Please. I know about something bad.
Andy Sipowicz: And I've heard all I'm listening to about body juices and
rubber corsets.
Freeze a furry tit, I'm out with one glove on. Theo likes to sleep on it. He
thinks it's like some teddy bear.
--Andy Sipowicz
Greg Medavoy: Andy's missing a glove.
James Martinez: Yeah. That accounts for his, uh, piss-poor attitude,
right?
Greg Medavoy: That, and he don't like most people.
(after the detectives and building landlord discover Tom Konigsberg dressed
in women's lingerie and hanging dead in some sort of BDSM apparatus)
Millie Holden: Oh, listen, I don't have to tell the family, do I?
Diane Russell: No. No, we'll take care of that.
Millie Holden: If it was my son, I'd want someone should lie to me how
they found him.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Sister Sun Ray says she's got something for you on
this.
Bobby Simone: Yeah? What kind of trouble is she in?
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Took a policy collar.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, let's chat with her first. I always prefer getting
lied to by professionals.
Bobby Simone: So how'd you wind up with this policy collar, Sister?
Sister Sun Ray: Young man going past a speed limit, 'legedly holding some
slips.
Bobby Simone: And he said they belonged to you?
Andy Sipowicz: There's a numbers runner with an enormous future.
Sister Sun Ray: How about he's my grandnephew.
Andy Sipowicz: Drop him from the will.
Sister Sun Ray: Ray [Harvey] made a score off me. He hit $18 on the
Brooklyn number. Then he come to ask, how should he invest that money.
Andy Sipowicz: 'Cause the Sister, she don't just book policy, she's an
investment adviser too.
Sister Sun Ray: Come for guidance! "Who's worth credit, Sister? What
juice they gonna stand?"
Andy Sipowicz: What she [Sister Sun Ray] told us is Ray Harvey whacked
Emilio Lopez so your friend Joe could keep his job running the Puerto Rican
version of the con game that you pull with Forever Young.
Sam Bluestone: None Forgotten.
Andy Sipowicz: My mistake.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Hey, guys.
Bobby Simone: What's up, boss?
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Uh, this isn't going to be a pleasant conversation,
Andy, so I'm just gonna say it to you.
Bobby Simone: I gotta take a leak.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: No, don't do that.
Andy Sipowicz: What's going on?
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Well, on that auto-asphyxia case, um, Geri has
demonstrated real reluctance to talk with Diane and Jill.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, and?
Lt. Arthur Fancy: And, uh... the fly in the ointment on this is, um,
specifically, she wants to speak with you.
Andy Sipowicz: I'm not gonna do that.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Well, the difficulty here, Andy, is, um, either she
speaks with you, or she says she wants a lawyer.
Andy Sipowicz: Get her a lawyer then. We don't do that often enough.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Diane and Jill both get the impression that Geri's
painted herself into a corner on a manslaughter charge, which really isn't
appropriate.
Andy Sipowicz: She's gonna wind up throwing a rubber garden animal at me,
or, uh, want us both perched upside down beside each other like bats.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Well, I wouldn't do that.
Andy Sipowicz: (to Bobby) Yeah, you see, this amuses you, 'cause
you don't attract psychotics.
Bobby Simone: It doesn't amuse me. (snickers) I mean, it does, but
I... I realize it's an awkward situation for you.
Andy Sipowicz: Awkward? Yeah.
(before Andy goes in)
Andy Sipowicz: Has she been strip-searched?
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Yeah, yeah. She don't got any weapons.
Andy Sipowicz: I'm not concerned about weapons. I'm talking about, like,
rubber toads and... I don't even know what I'm talking about.
Ray Harvey: I showed back up here on my own cause.
Andy Sipowicz: You showed back up, Ray, 'cause you didn't figure your
friends Sam and Madam Sunflower Seed to put you in the middle of this, right?
But that shows you that life can be full of surprises.
Greg Medavoy: I think that's Sister Sun Ray.
Andy Sipowicz: (ignoring Greg) The fat, black broad you hit the
number with, Ray, then you ask her advice like Dean Witter?
"A Remington Original" (04.14)
(interviewing the owner of a junkyard whose dog saw a man dumping a body)
William Kehoe: The son of a bitch must have kicked him. The vet says
he has definite sore ribs.
Andy Sipowicz: Did you get a look at the driver?
William Kehoe: No, it was pretty dark. The Moose got a better look.
Andy Sipowicz: Well, since the Moose took a beating, we'll hold off on
his interview for later.
Greg Medavoy: Well, it was raining buses last night.
James Martinez: Heat makes people fight, not cold and rain.
Greg Medavoy: They say that's, uh, why the northern-dwelling nations get
so much accomplished.
Andy Sipowicz: We got enough for a warrant on his place?
A.D.A. Leo Cohen: I could dress it up enough to get you a warrant.
Andy Sipowicz: How come with you, Cohen, it comes out like the principal
doing us a favor?
A.D.A. Leo Cohen: 'Cause the school's the Constitution, Sipowicz, and
you're the class dunce.
(questioning Mel Lentz about his porno collection in connection with a
murder)
Mel Lentz: I don't know any of these people.
Bobby Simone: Candy Champagne, Mel. This is the porn actress that's on
half your closet wall.
Andy Sipowicz: Looks like some stuff's been washed off her picture there,
Mel. What type fluid would that be?
Mel Lentz: I don't know her and I'm a normal guy.
Andy Sipowicz: That room with the shrine to the porn queens, that looked
real normal.
Mel Lentz: There's nothing wrong with pornography.
Bobby Simone: Well, they just made a whole movie about that, right? Larry
Flynt? He's a big hero.
Mel Lentz: I happen to be normal, all right?
Andy Sipowicz: Mm-hmm. A normal guy with a midget pecker.
Mel Lentz: You want to compare?
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, sure, Mel. Let's whip 'em out here. We'll all be
normal together. This guy's half a fag.
Bobby Simone: Woah, woah, Andy. (to Mel) You're a normal guy that
doesn't deal easily with women. Is that more fair?
Mel Lentz: I satsify myself.
Andy Sipowicz: Mel satisfying himself. That's what got washed off
all these pictures.
(in the locker room after work)
Diane Russell: This broadening out the base of our relationship is
rough. Although the counselor says I've also got these regressed infantile needs
for immediate gratification, and I shouldn't feel bad about my impulses to
intimacy. (Bobby nods) So it might be good for me to bang you in the
shower right now.
(Diane pulls him closer, and Bobby peeks into the empty shower stall)
Bobby Simone: Why don't we try to stay employed?
"Taillight's Last Gleaming" (04.15)
(leaving a topless bar that got held up while Vince Gotelli was inside)
Vince Gotelli: I think I hit one of 'em, Andy. Two white males try to
rob the place, I intervened. They throw shots.
Andy Sipowicz: Both of 'em throwing shots?
Vince Gotelli: Well, I got one of them, I think. The one guy yelled,
grabbed his shoulder going out the door. Then I went down, chest pains.
Andy Sipowicz: Could just be God saying keep away from these titty bars.
Vince Gotelli: I had to use a phone. I had to get to a telephone.
Andy Sipowicz: There you go, Vince. Reach out and touch somebody.
That's Jesus Christ, Dad. Congratulations pissin' off Jesus Christ.
--the ghost of Andy Sipowicz, Jr. during one of Andy's dreams
(after James and Lt. Fancy caught Greg peanut butter bingeing)
Greg Medavoy: You caught me cheating.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: I never got to like chunky.
James Martinez: You want us to get some of that plain?
Lt. Arthur Fancy: I'm better without the temptation.
Greg Medavoy: That's me as well. I've got motive in my nervousness, so I
gotta deprive myself of opportunity.
James Martinez: Otherwise, he might murder Mr. Peanut.
Russian woman at cafe: How could this happen? What's wrong with this
country?
Andy Sipowicz: What's wrong with this country? What's wrong with it is
too many people from other countries screw it up.
Bobby Simone: Detective Sipowicz here is one of the few native American
Poles.
Vitali Goomelsky: She was a person, had a family, send money to her
family in Chernobyl.
Andy Sipowicz: Their letters back have kind of a green glow to 'em?
Earl Dawkins: I-I can't explain about this purse. She must have just
forgot it.
Bobby Simone: Why didn't you tell us about her divorcing you?
Andy Sipowicz: No, Earl wants to talk about the purse. Let's talk about
the purse, Earl.
Earl Dawkins: Well, I took her to work yesterday. She must have left it
in there then.
Andy Sipowicz: Earl, a woman going off and forgetting her purse, that's
like you or me going off and forgetting our right arm. I've been with women,
falling-down drunks that'd forget to eat but not once forget their purse. You
know when a woman forgets her purse, huh? A woman forgets her pruse when she's
dead, Earl. Your wife died in your car. She never got to work, leave no purse
behind.
"A Wrenching Experience" (04.17)
(after interviewing Wanda Diaz, whose boyfriend Tony Perez was shot in the
street)
Bobby Simone: She's some cold business.
Andy Sipowicz: It's gotta be a whack, or they'd have snatched her purse
up, too.
Bobby Simone: She don't know who. She sure knows what it was about.
Andy Sipoiwcz: Maybe she's holding back out of respect for her coat.
A.D.A. Leo Cohen: It's four o'clock, Lieutenant. Do you know where your
Eigen investigation is?
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Give it a rest, Cohen.
A.D.A. Leo Cohen: Got your crack detectives Martinez and Medavoy on this.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Meaning what?
A.D.A. Leo Cohen: Dead guy had a lot of juice. I don't think you wanna
come out of the jungle empty-handed.
Jill Kirkendall: Lieu, Diane's on her way back. The baby died.
A.D.A. Leo Cohen: The babysitter make a statement?
Jill Kirkendall: (shakes her head) We'll go back at her now.
A.D.A. Leo Cohen: She's a baby killer. Why the lack of enthusiasm?
Jill Kirkendall: Oh, kiss my ass, Cohen.
A.D.A. Leo Cohen: (while exiting) Not an entirely unappealing
thought.
(at dinner with Abby Sullivan and her significant other, Kathy)
Greg Medavoy: Well, you are just the two nicest people. I can't tell
you what fun and relief I've had.
Kathy: Wait till we start singing sea chanteys after dessert.
(commenting on the decorations)
Greg Medavoy: Can I just ask you a question straight out, because I
feel such rapport?
Abby Sullivan: Sure.
Greg Medavoy: Is that a vagina on the wall?
Abby Sullivan: It-it-it... It was intended as an art piece.
Peaches: Angela, this is not Diane's cup of tea. We want these male cops
involved.
Diane Russell: I'm gonna try not to take that too personally, Peaches.
Peaches: Diane, you know our feelings towards you. But look at that face.
Angela's gonna be a dead ho unless we get a strong male presence involved.
Andy Sipowicz: I guess "strong" would leave you out?
Andy Sipowicz: You oughta have a talk show, Peaches.
Peaches: Your case would require a long conversation.
Andy Sipowicz: Somebody do your hair with a blowtorch?
Bobby Simone: Arthur Cartwell.
Gina Colon: Says he has information on your case.
Andy Sipowicz: Oh, yeah. He's got information on every case, including
that big blimp that caught on fire.
Arthur Cartwell: Which one crashed? Not Snoopy?
(a rapper who was shot is posing for a picture with a hospital nurse when
Andy and Bobby walk in to interview)
Daddy Kool: Go on. Take the picture, Boo.
Andy Sipowicz: (walking into the picture) No, you had your little
Kodak moment there, Boo. Just guard now, how you did when your man here was
gettin' shot.
Bobby Simone: Who shot you, Anthony?
Daddy Kool: Whoever need to come with somethin' stronger.
(Boo chuckles)
Bobby Simone: You want to describe this person who needs to come at
you with something stronger?
Daddy Kool: Nuh-uh.
Bobby Simone: You want to describe what he stole, 'cause I see somebody
grabbed something from your neck right there.
Daddy Kool: Hey, Boo, the TV don't work.
Andy Sipowicz: Oh, this one's a real peach.
Bobby Simone: How 'bout you, Boo?
Boo: Nope.
Andy Sipowicz: That's a pretty big word there, Boo. You feel like you
need to sit down?
(Greg and Abby run into each other in the exercise room)
Greg Medavoy: Well, to be honest, Abby, if that would be the setting
for another step in whatever step-by-step ideas you have involving me, I'd
prefer you said the step right out, because the other ones leading up to them
and then subsequently, uh... I've peanut-butter binged and gained a lot of
weight each time.
(after a brief pause while Abby thinks)
Abby Sullivan: We'd like you to donate sperm so that I could get
pregnant.
Greg Medavoy: I've, uh... I've imagined several times that, uh, this
could be where the, uh, steps were leading.
Abby Sullivan: And how do you feel about that?
Greg Medavoy: Like eating peanut butter.
Shows you can be stupid and in bad health.
--Andy Sipowicz on Vince Gotelli
(while staking out a nightclub in the middle of the night)
Andy Sipowicz: Look at these idiots.
Bobby Simone: Hey, what are they doing wrong?
Andy Sipowicz: They oughta be asleep in bed.
Andy Sipowicz: (half asleep) Ballistics matched with your gun.
Jermaine Brewer: Ain't got your lab open this early.
Andy Sipowicz: That's a good point.
This is the kind of place I always figured they'd find me dead in.
--Andy Sipowicz describing the seedy Rutherford Hotel
(at the Rutherford, just before Bobby has to go meet with Joey Salvo)
Andy Sipowicz: You cleaned the room yet?
Hilton (desk clerk): Yes, we did.
Andy Sipowicz: Course you did. It's probably the only room in this rat
hole you did clean.
Bobby Simone: So where do you keep the trash?
Hilton: Dumpster out back.
Andy Sipowicz: They failed to take the garbage out, we'd have lost the
opportunity to crawl around a dumpster sifting every type of filth up to
botulism.
Bobby Simone: Andy, I don't know if I can do it with you.
Andy Sipowicz: Oh, you can't, huh?
Bobby Simone: I gotta do this thing. I mean, by the time the ESU guys get
here with the garbage suits and all that...
Andy Sipowicz: Absolutely right. Don't give it another thought. You
do what you gotta do. I'll rummage the dumpster.
Hilton: Okay.
Andy Sipowicz: That's okay? I got your permission?
Zeke Odell: Tell a man a loved one's been in a traffic accident, so she
can charge him with assault.
Greg Medavoy: Yeah, you were so much in anguish you showed up two hours
late with half a load on.
Greg Medavoy: I'd like to take the squad, line 'em up, and take turns on
this guy with a Louisville Slugger.
Diane Russell: Uh, we'll probably just start with a conversation.
Jimmy Mosler: You sure you got the right Jimmy Mosler?
Andy Sipowicz: I'm not gonna tell you the computer's never been wrong.
(Andy opens the door to the pokey room)
Zeke Odell: (from the cage) When am I gonna get outta here?
(Andy closes the door and keeps walking)
Jimmy Mosler: That guy committed a crime in there, huh?
Bobby Simone: Yeah, we get those occasionally.
Frankie Lankersheim: No, Jimmy didn't say nothing. He's my boy. He's
stand-up all the way.
Bobby Simone: Well, what do you think it was, divine inspiration that
took us to that bar where we found you, Frankie? That was your boy Jimmy giving
you up!
Andy Sipowicz: That make sense to you, Captain Thought Process?
Andy Sipowicz: I'm gonna tell you something now off undercover experience
on the Robbery Squad. Guys' attire after work, many of these guys retain their
undercover clothing.
Bobby Simone: Instead of what, Andy? Going naked?
(after Vince Gotelli hijacked a bus and wedged it into an alley while the
driver was using the bathroom)
John O'Neil (bus driver): Can't even take a piss in this city!
Greg Medavoy: I'm with you there. Many's the occasion that I've regretted
my small bladder capacity.
FBI Agent Kriegel: Bobby, right now you're in the middle of things.
Bobby Simone: Yeah, which is a lot of double-talk for "bite the pillow
and take your screwing."
Gary Wilder: I have a clean record.
Bobby Simone: We put you through our computer, Gary, so we know that's
true.
Andy Sipowicz: Plus, if we didn't know it, that's the seventeenth time
you told us.
Gary Wilder: I'd like to know why someone knocked out with a migraine can
be dragged out of his bed without even knowing why you want to talk to him.
Andy Sipowicz: Ever happen with you, Gary, right off meeting someone, you
feel like he's a lying sack of crap?
(as IAB goes through Bobby's paperwork)
Andy Sipowicz: I want to know what the hell's going on.
Bobby Simone: Andy, I told you, I can't--
Andy Sipowicz: You told me dick. Now these guys are pulling your
61s, that's my name on them things, too.
Sgt. Martens: Could I talk to you a minute?
Andy Sipowicz: Get a lawyer in with you.
Sgt. Martens: You think he needs a lawyer?
Andy Sipowicz: Off the record?
Sgt. Martens: Sure.
Andy Sipowicz: Kiss my male organ.
(leading Gary Wilder back to the squad after he killed the super and
dismembered him)
Gary Wilder: I was beaten.
Bobby Simone: No, what happened to you is that you cut that poor guy into
27 pieces, and now you're a collar.
Gary Wilder: I was beaten.
Andy Sipowicz: You weren't beaten enough.
Gary Wilder: Hey, if you're their boss, I was beaten.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Probably not enough.
Sgt. Martens: We're making an official request to talk to you, Detective.
Refusal results in disciplinary action.
Andy Sipowicz: Me having the right to counsel how I do, I'll peruse the
Yellow Pages for a lawyer and I'll get in touch.
Sgt. Martens: (to Diane) Same for you, Detective.
Diane Russell: Well, I want to use Andy's when he's done. Might be a
little delay.
"A Draining Experience" (04.22)
(examining a DOA with some sort of fluid coming from her mouth)
Andy Sipowicz: What's that coming out of her mouth?
Officer Martelli: You see that with strokes, don't you? Heart attacks?
Andy Sipowicz: You figure she felt one coming on, so she ran in here?
James Martinez: Hey, Greg, this is the magazine that wrote we were like a
third world country's police force.
John Highsmith: Yes, I was waiting for this part.
Greg Medavoy: (reading Highsmith's business card) Oh, yes. Huh. I
don't read your magazine, but our local papers did excerpts, shorten the words
up.
John Highsmith: Mmm. Proud proletarian ignorance.
James Martinez: We better be extra careful if we collar these guys,
right? Protect their rights.
John Highsmith: So do I forget about retrieving my wallet?
Greg Medavoy: Oh, not at all, Mr. Highsmith. Um, we'll try and stop the
beatings and bribe-taking long enough to see if we can track it down.
James Martinez: Our point more was to let you know we happen to got
photos of these kids. You picking 'em out isn't gonna send them to prison or
anything, but if we know it's them, at least we can try and get your wallet
back.
John Highsmith: Well, yes. Yes, I would like to get it back. Certain
personal effects.
Greg Medavoy: Any money left, maybe you could buy a self-improvement
tape, "Being Nicer So Other People Don't Wanna Hit You With a Brick."
Diane Russell: Her father's a plumber. You think she might swallow drain
cleaner?
Dr. Herbert Wentzel: Oh, that's remarkable. Is that what she did? That is
heartbreaking and remarkable.
Andy Sipowicz: As far as the medical examiner can tell, the biggest
remarkable thing about that was her doing that after she suffocated
herself.
FBI Agent Kriegel: I can't believe they suspended you.
Bobby Simone: Oh, yeah. And if you pissed in my ear, you would tell me it
was raining.