NYPD Blue: Season Three (1995-96)
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main | season three, page one

"These Old Bones"
"A Tushful of Dollars"
"The Nutty Confessor"
"Head Case"
"Girl Talk"
"Hollie and the Blowfish"
"We Was Robbed"
"Auntie Maimed"
"A Death in the Family"
"Closing Time"
"He's Not Guilty, He's My Brother"

"These Old Bones" (03.12)

Greg Medavoy: Boy, some of these buildings have a lo of work in them. What do they call this part of town?
Andy Sipowicz: Hell's Kitchen.
Greg Medavoy: Oh. I-I-I thought they changed it. I thought they changed it to Clinton.

(waiting to be let into an apartment building)

Greg Medavoy: Not much foliage, huh? Boy, I bet in the summer it gets pretty hot.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah. Might be why they call it Hell's Kitchen.

Lisa Gay: Look, Sal was a bad kid. Nobody misses him. Why you wanna go tearin' up my house looking for somebody no one wants to find?
Andy Sipowicz: Well, Lisa, we got a dead body growin' in your garden. We wanna dig it up. We're just kind of wacky that way.

(after preliminary digging turned up bones from a barbecued pig)
Andy Sipowicz: What the hell kind of cadaver dog is this, huh? He can't tell the difference between a steak and a human being?
Dog handler: There's a lot of bones here. He got confused.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah. So what happens when you pass a deli? He finds bodies in there too?

"A Tushful of Dollars" (03.13)

Lt. Arthur Fancy: What's the story on your DOA?
Bobby Simone: Carmine Del Marco's kid got shot at his parents' breakfast table.
Andy Sipowicz: Family gave us tremendous cooperation. Nobody saw dick.

Lt. Arthur Fancy: You want to contact OCCB? [Organized Crime Control Bureau]
Andy Sipowicz: Get their ideas, any possible links with Lucky Luciano?

Another close-knit O.C. family.
--Andy Sipowicz after learning Jimmy Del Marco is the prime suspect in his brother Vincent's death

Diane Russell: What's the one [lawyer] named inside?
Uniform: Barry Ulin.
Diane Russell: Oh. Barry Ulin, huh?
Uniform: Should I know who that is?
Greg Medavoy: Nah. Ignorance on lawyers reflects a good upbringing.

(as A.D.A. Leo Cohen leaves the squad room)
Andy Sipowicz: That the asshole prosecuting Diane's mother?
Bobby Simone: What's he doing here?
Lt. Arthur Fancy: He's riding today. Caught Russell's homicide.
Bobby Simone: Small world.
Andy Sipowicz: But ugly.

Andy Sipowicz: I got an idea, Joe. Why don't you tell us where you can find Jimmy Del Marco?
Joe Carlin: Who's that?
Andy Sipowicz: The guy you were driving all afternoon.
Joe Carlin: I was in bed all afternoon. I got a cold.
Andy Sipowicz: Well I don't hear it in ya. Of course, you bein' a physician and all, you probably prescribed yourself something.
Joe Carlin: What's that supposed to mean?
Andy Sipowicz: On your license plate, it says you're an M.D.
Joe Carlin: That's a joke: "Dr. Funky."
Andy Sipowicz: Oh, so you're not really a doctor.

In your line of work, it's probably a mistake driving flashy wheels, Joe. Especially when you got a face like a dog's ass that probably draws people's attention right there.
--Andy Sipowicz to Joe Carlin

Andy Sipowicz: Y'know, I'd probably go big with remorse, Jimmy. Or you went nuts. You got hysterical off those gay photos. The guy's blackmailing you, you suddenly snap. You whack him, you shove twelve dollars up his heinie, and then you stuff him in a garbage can.
Jimmy Del Marco: I don't know what you're talking about, officer.
Andy Sipowicz: And then this morning at breakfast, maybe your brother orders something from the citrus family? He mentions fruit? Heh, you take that wrong, you blow his head off, now you're on a roll.
Jimmy Del Marco: (charging the door to the cage) Hey, up your ass, pal! Up your ass!
Andy Sipowicz: (to Bobby) Jimmy wants to get friendly.

(on the morning of the day Martinez and Lesniak are finally going to have sex with each other)
Greg Medavoy: (sotto voce) Mission Control, all systems are go.
James Martinez: Cut it out, Greg, will ya?

Andy Sipowicz: You're still gonna have to stay here till we talk to this Mrs. Pattou. What the hell kind of name is that?
Gordon Puterbaugh: I didn't feel I knew her well enough to ask. She'll verify everything I said, believe me.

(later, out in the hall)
Bobby Simone: A guy named Puterbaugh probably didn't figure Pattou for such a strange name.
Andy Sipowicz: Sounds like somebody working up a loogie.

Andy Sipowicz: Medavoy says Martinez and Lesniak are hittin' the rack tonight.
Bobby Simone: You know, if Greg would have known the plans for D-Day, we'd all be talking German.

(on their big night. Maurice is Lesniak's old, blind dog)
Adrienne Lesniak: You wanna come into the bedroom?
James Martinez: Yeah, I do. It's just that, uh, old Maurice is in there, right?
Adrienne Lesniak: I took the dog to my mom's house.
James Martinez: Oh, that's why I don't hear him yapping, huh?
Adrienne Lesniak: That's when he bumps into walls.

(in a holding cell waiting to go to Bellevue; Clyde is playing like he's crazy, and he didn't meet Andy while being interviewed)
Andy Sipowicz: Hi. Hello. Who are you?
Clyde Fullner: I don’t wanna talk.
Andy Sipowicz: I’m Andy.
Clyde Fullner: Yeah, good.
Andy Sipowicz: Can you honestly tell me the difference between cow meat and man meat?
Clyde Fullner: Don't get stupid with me, man.
Andy Sipowicz: How many did you get?
Clyde Fullner: How many what?
Andy Sipowicz: I dunno. You tell me.
Clyde Fullner: Look, shut up, alright?
Andy Sipowicz: You hit me in the face as hard as you can... and I’ll bite you with my teeth!
Clyde Fullner: You bite me with your teeth, and I’ll knock your teeth down your throat!
Andy Sipowicz: Hey, let’s both dump on the floor!
(Andy drops his drawers and squats down)
Clyde Fullner: GUARD!
Andy Sipowicz: Gimme a free shot in the face, and I’ll bite your arm off!
Clyde Fullner: Alright… hey! Hey!
Andy Sipowicz: Here… Okay, this is you hitting me… (touches his hand to his forehead) …and now, HERE COMES ME!!! (lunges at Clyde)
Clyde Fullner: (climbing up on the cot) Get the hell away from me! Hey! Hey!

Hey, who's hungry?
--Andy Sipowicz, alone in the holding cell after Bobby led away the now non-crazy Clyde Fullner

(while Greg is still staying in the "crib room")
Greg Medavoy: Uh, Andy, thank Sylvia for that casserole, will you?
Andy Sipowicz: Oh, yeah. She said drop off the dish whenever you're done.
Greg Medavoy: Uh, you know, I could go up and get it right now, if you want.
Andy Sipowicz: Un-unh. No rush. You can drop it off tomorrow in your jammies.

"Head Case" (03.15)

You don't often encounter this method of suicide.
--Andy Sipowicz, looking at Daniel Reese's severed head sitting in his own lap

(trying to help a grossed out rookie cop deal with her first horrifying crime scene)
Bobby Simone: What's that kid's story, Ichabod Crane?
Officer McGuire: The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. The Headless Horseman.
Andy Sipowicz: I thought that was about Notre Dame.

Hope he didn't want to get buried wearing a hat.
--Andy Sipowicz

(while breaking the news to Daniel Resse's mother)
Mrs. Reese: Do you have Daniel's car?
Bobby Simone: I'm sorry?
Mrs. Reese: The Oldsmobile. It's registered in his name, but we paid for it together. Do you know where it is? I'd like to have it.
Bobby Simone: We could find out and let you know.

(a bit later in the conversation)
Mrs. Reese: How was Daniel murdered?
Andy Sipowicz: (sighs before telling her) Believe me, being a parent, I hate to have to tell you something like this, but you'll need to know for identification purposes. Your son was stabbed very badly in the region of the neck. The knife went pretty much right through.
Mrs. Reese: (continuing to write down info about the missing Olds) Are you telling me his head was cut off? That he was decapitated?
Bobby Simone: Mrs. Reese, we are... we are terribly sorry, but it is... better if you hear it now.
Mrs. Reese: Yes, it's good to know in dealing with the funeral arrangements.

All right, let's understand each other, Rodney. You say you're only gonna do this once, and we're trying to accommodate that. Put you on record right away. But this is to give a statement about killing Professor Reese. I don't wanna hear you talk about a presidential election or start singin' "Three Coins In the Fountain." Nothing like that. Professor. Daniel. Reese.
--Andy Sipowicz, before videotaping Rodney Wellstone's statement, after which time Rodney would become silent for four years and seven months

Rodney Wellstone: I'm not a bad guy. But what happened physically, I had died. I died and I was resurrected by omnipotent pyrotechnics... the Holy Spirit, which is the most powerful force in the universe.
Andy Sipowicz: Let's not get into the universal forces too much, Rodney, okay?

He's got a big heart. I know because I reached in through his neck and felt it down there.
--Rodney Wellstone about the recently deceased Professor Daniel Reese

(after taking Rodney's statement)
A.D.A. Leo Cohen: That's the first one of those I've done.
Bobby Simone: Is that so?
A.D.A. Leo Cohen: I mean, doesn't it get to you after a while? Listening to that sickness, not being able to respond?
Andy Sipowicz: No, I always find myself cheery and peppy afterwards.

"Girl Talk" (03.16)

(after Bobby introduces Andy to Detective Escobar)
Andy Sipowicz: Escobar like the drug guy?
Martina Escobar: He's my uncle.
Andy Sipowicz: Comedian.

James Martinez: We're gonna have to ask that Miss McCleary some hard questions.
Diane Russell: She was kissing the guy in the bar.
James Martinez: Yeah. And on the street, too.
Diane Russell: Oh. In the bar and on the street. Well, that definitely means he can rape her.

Andy Sipowicz: When'd you live in California?
Bill Walsh: I lived in Walnut Creek. It's outside Oakland.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah. How long ago?
Bill Walsh: Oh, like, four years.
Andy Sipowicz: And, uh, you took a collar there? Exposing yourself to a minor child?
Bill Walsh: (standing up) That was a complete false accusation.
Andy Sipowicz: Sit down. (Bill sits back down) I ran you with my good friends at the FBI, Bill. You're clean with us, but you were wrong with them.
Bill Walsh: That incident was a kid with a sick mind!
Andy Sipowicz: Is that before or after you were done with her?
Bill Walsh: That's it. I'm outta here.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, you got a good case, Bill. You wanna try and get past me?
Bill Walsh: You gonna hit me?
(Andy methodically puts away his glasses)
Bill Walsh: How about that Polaroid they took of me? If I come out bruised...
Andy Sipowicz: (smiling) Bill, I'll beat you till you'll never walk right again, and you won't have a bruise on your body.

(after Andy's first night of imparting his knowledge of The Job to his son)
Andy Sipowicz, Jr.: I really appreciate you takin' the time like this, Pop.
Andy Sipowicz: This is a good job for people like us. We don't have a lot of education, but we can read and write, and we're honest. Don't ever embarrass this job.
Andy Sipowicz, Jr.: I won't.
Andy Sipowicz: I know you won't.

"Hollie and the Blowfish" (03.17)

(walking over to meet Ferdinand Hollie)
Bobby Simone: Best informant I ever had. You're gonna like this guy, Andy.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, I like everybody.

Excuse me. Young lady, you know how to spell "fornicate"? (pause) Never mind, never mind. I'll just shorten it.
--Sgt. Ray Kahlins to Diane Russell while leaving a very rude note for Andy Sipowicz

(Andy sees Ray Kahlins at his desk)
Andy Sipowicz: Oh, no.
Bobby Simone: Who's that?
Andy Sipowicz: Some loud-mouth crap artist.
Ray Kahlins: Hey there, Andy. I was just writing you an ob-scene note.

Watchin' you drink coffee makes my teeth hurt.
--Andy Sipowicz to Ferdinand Holly

Niggers see that big gun come out, they don't argue. They lookin' down that big-ass barrel like it's the Lincoln Tunnel and they Jersey-bound. Man, they give it up. Wail like bitches. Only fools stop and trifle with a .44.
--Ferdinand Holly

(examining a murdered santeria priest's sacrifice room)
James Martinez: Life's not all Ozzie and Harriet.
Greg Medavoy: Yeah. This is definitely not the Nelson family rec room.

(discussing the task force Ray Kahlins is running)
Andy Sipowicz: You got detail on that Barnes investigation, huh?
Diane Russell: You work with my boss before?
Andy Sipowicz: Kahlins, yeah. Don't forget your hip boots tomorrow.

Rah Kahlins: See, now, federal time, everything stretches out.
Diane Russell: They say it's like that in Hawaii.

(after raiding a drug dealer's apartment)
Bobby Simone: How'd you do?
DEA Agent Gene Sanford: Looked to me like we zeroed out. But I'm just a ignorant trooper. Knocked the hell out of some doors, though.
Ray Kahlins: I knew this was gonna have to go to a wiretap. We are gonna be working this in the summer.
Gene Sanford: Yeah. I'll go look for a fan.
Ray Kahlins: Well, that or you can kiss my ass.

(as Bobby heads off to have a conversation with Ferdinand)
Stu Morrissey: That's your C.I.?
Andy Sipowicz: My partner's.
Stu Morrissey: What's his name?
Andy Sipowicz: (thinks for a moment) Goose Tatum.
Stu Morrissey: Can't blame a guy for trying.

(Reece "Goose" Tatum was a player with the Harlem Globetrotters from 1941-42 and 1946-56)

(while Ferdinand's looking at Ray Kahlins' photo wall of people in Marvin Freeland's gang)
Ferdinand Hollie: So you going after Ronnie Mo.
Ray Kahlins: Who?
Ferdinand Hollie: Ronnie Mo.
Ray Kahlins: You mean Ronald Carter? Yes. He is one of our people.
Ferdinand Hollie: You put a charge on Ronnie Mo, you one hell of a po-lice.
Ray Kahlins: I do my job.
Ferdinand Hollie: 'Cause he been dead about six months. Got killed up in the Bronx somewheres.
Ray Kahlins: That's crap!

The world's on its ass when a stickup guy's more stand-up than somebody you're working with.
--Andy Sipowicz comparing Ferdinand Hollie and Ray Kahlins

(Andy, Bobby, Diane, and Sylvia are eating dinner in a bar when Ray Kahlins and his task force walk in to celebrate clearing their case)
Diane Russell: Downside, my boss just walked in to celebrate.
Bobby Simone: Looks like he had a head start.
Diane Russell: Right-hand desk drawer. That's where he keeps his bottle.
Andy Sipowicz: Always my personal favorite.
Diane Russell: I don't know how guys drink without a purse.

(after finding out that Ray Kahlins has been telling tall tales about his service in the Vietnam War)
Andy Sipowicz: Here's the deal, Ray. I don't know what the hell you get out of it. But as far as I'm concerned, you can tell people that you and me went through doors together, huh? You can tell 'em you own the World Trade Center, and you were married to Marilyn Monroe. You feel free to tell people that you put every gangster since Legs Diamond behind bars, but Ray, you cannot lie about what happened in Vietnam. Because that is an insult to people who were there and did what had to be done.
Ray Kahlins: I was in Vietnam, 1969.
Andy Sipowicz: In what capacity, Ray?
Ray Kahlins: A maintenance unit.
Andy Sipowicz: Then you say that. You tell the truth, or you don't say anything at all. Do you hear me, Ray, or do we need to take this outside?
Ray Kahlins: See, that has always been your problem, Sipowicz. That's why you're still doing precinct work. You never learned to lighten up.
Andy Sipowicz: You say anything you want, Ray, but not about 'Nam. All right? Not about 'Nam.

"We Was Robbed" (03.18)

(while trying to install a wiretap in a social club frequented by Mafia guys)
FBI Agent Mike Francis: I gotta take a leak.
Bobby Simone: Need any help with that too?
Mike Francis: Don't laugh. You ever have prostatitis?
Andy Sipowicz: Go ahead, Francis. Do what you gotta do.
Mike Francis: Feels like you gotta piss all the time. You stand there, you get no flow.
Andy Sipowicz: Look, I had prostrate trouble once. I don't got it no more, but if you don't get the hell outta here, I'm gonna piss on your shoes.

(while Francis searches for something to tie the wiseguys up with)
Mike Francis: (to himself) These guys are insane. Why didn't somebody warn me?
Andy Sipowicz: Quit your bitchin' and just find us something. This is the last time you go on a job with us.
Mike Francis: Damn right!

I see you got over your flow problems there.
--Bobby Simone after seeing that Mike Francis pissed himself during all the commotion

(the next morning, when Fancy finds out they had to stage a robbery)
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Well, we'll have to work out a way to return that stuff.
Mike Francis: Can we add saving my job to that wish list?
Andy Sipowicz: Just tell your boss you were in the potty.

Mike Francis: The conversations that bug picks up are gonna get me fired. What we did last night is gonna be all Palermo is talking about, today or in the forseeable future.
Andy Sipowicz: You got a plan, or are you just gonna stand there cryin'?

Mike Francis: (to Andy and Bobby) The two of you should be in a zoo.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, and you oughta be a groundskeeper at a miniature golf course.
Mike Francis: Miniature golf course? What does that mean?
Andy Sipowicz: Just keep your hands on your po-po and try to make wee-wee.

I'll tell you, Hackensack or no Hackensack, Andy, you park that piece of junk on the street, the department of sanitation's gonna tow it away.
--Andy Sipowicz commenting on his son's car

(entering the interview room)
Mike Francis: Where's your suspect?
Andy Sipowicz: In the can. He got no flow problem.

(while listening to a suspect spin lies in an interview)
Bobby Simone: How do you think all this looks, Greg?
Mike Francis: You wanna ask me how it looks?
Andy Sipowicz: No.

"Auntie Maimed" (03.19)

(Andy searches Billy Stubbs' pockets while handcuffing him)
Andy Sipowicz: What do you got here? Women's jewelry? You wear this stuff?
Billy Stubbs: I'm holding it for somebody.
Andy Sipowicz: Sure. I'll buy that.

Jerry: Hey, where was your probable cause? You would've lost your search in court.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah. We'd have lost it in court, alright, but meanwhile your buddies would've lost their goods and their smoke. Stick with tricycles, F. Lee. You got no future in bikes.

(after getting off the phone with Sylvia)
Bobby Simone: Doc said it wasn't labor?
Andy Sipowicz: "A few centimeters dilation, but no effacement." Guy must charge by the word.

Bobby Simone: You been drinking, Leon?
Leon Broadus: So what?
Bobby Simone: Nothin'. I'm jealous.

(taking Sylvia into the delivery room)
Dr. Barkley: We're gonna set her up in here, see where we stand, and then you can come in and be with her.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, you okay?
Sylvia Costas: I'll be fine... (gasps) after I have an epidural!
Andy Sipowicz: (as the door closes in his face) She needs-- She wants-- She needs her epidural!
Andy Sipowicz, Jr.: What's an epidural?

(Andy and Andy Jr. are "standing guard" outside Sylvia's delivery room)
Andy Sipowicz: Woah. Where are you goin'?
Dr. Zisk: I'm Dr. Zisk. I'm the anesthesiologist.
Andy Sipowicz: Uh-uh. My wife's in there.
Dr. Zisk: I'm gonna give her an epidural.
Andy Sipowicz: Uh, yeah. Go ahead. She was askin' for that. Go ahead.
(Andy pats Dr. Zisk on the shoulder as he lets him into the room)

"A Death in the Family" (03.20)

(in the locker room, later in the day after Andy Jr. was killed)
Andy Sipowicz: My concern... did I get this kid killed?
Bobby Simone: Andy...
Andy Sipowicz: I was a big shot. Give this kid all kinds of lessons. He goes in without a gun. What kind of teaching did I give him?
Bobby Simone: You taught him how to help people, Andy.
Andy Sipowicz: He went in without a gun.
Bobby Simone: He wasn't authorized to carry a gun yet.
Andy Sipowicz: Then he should wait outside with that gutless bastard snuck out the window, dial 911 and wait!
Bobby Simone: None of us would've done that.
Andy Sipowicz: What did I do, huh? What did I do?
Bobby Simone: All right.
Andy Sipowicz: I don't want to... I don't want to have to look at these guys coming into the house.
Bobby Simone: Believe me, Andy. These guys resist when we collar up, and they got a big problem.
Andy Sipowicz: Look at these guys in court with their suits on, showin' the jury their crosses!
Bobby Simone: Phony bastards! They better not make one mistake!
Andy Sipowicz: Sit there... and his mother having to sit there, knowin' what they did to him!
Bobby Simone: Come on. Don't do this to yourself, man.
Andy Sipowicz: You gotta help me, Bobby. I want these guys dead.

Greg Medavoy: What kind of a name is that, Scott... "Bernat"?
Scott Bernat: "Bernah." The t is silent. It's a French name.
Bobby Simone: You from France?
Scott Bernat: My family was.
Bobby Simone: Anyone in your family ever been in jail? 'Cause you're in felonious possession of a deadly weapon here.

(after Bobby went after possible suspects in Andy Jr.'s murder without waiting for backup, off Andy's earlier request that Bobby kill the perps)
Bobby Simone: I want to interview this guy, Lieu... see if he did this homicide.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: And I don't want his statement excluded 'cause he went from here to the hospital, where his running buddy's already admitted with a fractured skull.
Bobby Simone: The guy with the fractured skull pulled a shotgun on us. What were we supposed to do, kiss him?

Diane Russell: Why didn't you wait for backup?
Bobby Simone: Oh, don't you start with that crap.
Diane Russell: That's crap? Being part of an execution?
Bobby Simone: No one got executed. Hey, Diane, I told you to stay outside.
Diane Russell: I'd like to know why that was, too.
Bobby Simone: Why don't you make a list of all your misgivings, Diane? Maybe IAB can beat it out of me.

Make yourself happy, Greg. It's a sin not to try.
--Donna Abandando's parting words to Greg Medavoy

"Closing Time" (03.21)

(Diane tries to get Andy to not catch a case because of his drinking)
Diane Russell: I'm Detective Russell, Angela.
Angela Bohi: I got stabbed above the elbow. Attempted murder.
Andy Sipowicz: I'm up.
Diane Russell: I can take it, Andy.
Andy Sipowicz: The interview needs a woman's touch? She got sexually assaulted in the elbow?

Father Kankarides: Andrew, before you and Sylvia got married, when you and I spoke at our counseling session, I felt that you were a soul in struggle.
Andy Sipowicz: I got no interest in what you got to say.
Father Kankarides: I know you're in pain at what's happened, and you're angry, but--
Andy Sipowicz: Why in the hell should I pay attention to you, huh? Do you believe in God? Where was God when my boy got killed in that bar?
Father Kankarides: He was there.
Andy Sipowicz: Then he can kiss my ass! How could he stand there and that boy die?
Father Kankarides: We are not meant to understand God's purposes, Andrew.
Andy Sipowicz: What, is he trying to punish me? Alright, I deserve punishment. But what about my first wife? She did nothing but keep care of him and take abuse from me. And what about him, huh? He tried to help someone, he got his whole life in front of him, and he was as sweet as ever was born. Don't you tell me that I did something so bad to do that to them!
Father Kankarides: God is not in the punishment business, Andrew. And you're not the center of the world. Your son's death is not part of some equation. It's a mystery.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, well my job is working on the mystery part.
Father Kankarides: Sylvia tells me you're involved in a twelve-step program.
Andy Sipowicz: Oh, I'm one of their big success stories.
Father Kankarides: Try to accept again the third step of your program. Turn your life over to God. Be its witness and part of its process.
Andy Sipowicz: You never had a son.
Father Kankarides: God had a son.
Andy Sipowicz: Well, I'm not God. And I want you to go.

(after Fancy sent Andy home because of his drinking)
Bobby Simone: Hey, what's up?
Andy Sipowicz: He sent me home.
Bobby Simone: Wait, wait. How far did it go?
Andy Sipowicz: We were gonna fight, but then we just agreed no cards on Martin Luther King Day.
Bobby Simone: Go home, Andy.
Andy Sipowicz: Are you gonna give me a hard time, too? What's your big feast day? I won't send you no card, either.

Bartender: You want to pace it a little? I'm not going anywhere.
Andy Sipowicz: Two things you got to say to me: "86" and "closing time."
Bartender: Why don't you try and keep a civil tongue in your head, okay?

(in the ER at Bellevue after Andy had the crap kicked out of him by some street thugs)
Andy Sipowicz: They got my gun. (sighs) I'm finished. I've made a mess of everything.
Bobby Simone: You wouldn't let nobody help you, Andy.
Andy Sipowicz: It threw me for a loop. I felt the kid was gonna be happy. I could help him after I never did nothing for him.
Bobby Simone: He got killed. And you started drinking. And you left Sylvia alone, and the baby, just like you did Andy J. So what are you gonna do about that now?
Andy Sipowicz: I don't know what to do.
Bobby Simone: Do you want people to help you, Andy?
Andy Sipowicz: Please help me. Yeah.

Lt. Arthur Fancy: What's left for you on this job, Andy?
Andy Sipowicz: I could do good for people if I could stop drinkin'. The key for me is not to drink no more.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Can you stop?
Andy Sipowicz: I want to stop.

(at the crime scene, an auto paint shop advertising paint jobs for $199)
Andy Sipowicz: Look at that sign, huh? I'll bet since this joint opened, they never painted a car for 199 bucks. You drive up, there's always some reason your job costs more.
Diane Russell: Maybe we're lookin' for some, uh, fanatical consumer advocate type.

(questioning a shooting victim and possible robbery suspect at the hospital)
Andy Sipowicz: You been arrested before? And don't lie, or I'll shoot you in the other shoulder.
Donald Selness: I've been in a few scrapes.
Andy Sipowicz: See, that could explain what I'd call "Don's hardcase attitude."

Who puts a Band-Aid on a bullet hole, huh?
--James Martinez, examining a dead body

(a minute later)
Adrienne Lesniak: Is that a bullet hole?
James Martinez: Yeah.
Adrienne Lesniak: What's with the Band-Aid?

A.D.A. Leo Cohen: Leo Cohen. I'm riding D.A.
Lucy Kinley: (trying to remember) Which means you're covering precinct business for the district attorney's office today... in this sector of the borough.
A.D.A. Leo Cohen: (as Andy enters) And these are the detectives I'm looking for, but I'm gonna come back later, and I'm gonna give you a gold star for knowing my job specs, okay?

Bet you'd have been a decent guy if somebody would've beat you three times a week in high school.
--Andy Sipowicz to A.D.A. Leo Cohen

We're workin' like coolies to keep this kid out of jail. He could probably beat it on a moron defense.
--Andy Sipowicz on the stubborn and naïve Jerry Selness

We'll be watchin' through that mirror here. I know that's a shock to you.
--Andy Sipowicz to Donald Selness