NYPD Blue: Season Three (1995-96)
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main | season three, page two

"E.R."
"Torah! Torah! Torah!"
"One Big Happy Family"
"Heavin' Can Wait"
"Dirty Laundry"
"Curt Russell"
"Aging Bull"
"Cold Heaters"
"Sorry, Wong Suspect"
"The Backboard Jungle"
"Burnin' Love"

"E.R." (03.01)

(talking to a victim with no pants on)
Bobby Simone: So this is your statement here?
Mr. White: Right.
Bobby Simone: This is how you got robbed?
Mr. White That's what happened.
(Andy and Diane enter the squad room)
Bobby Simone: Good morning.
Andy Sipowicz: Hey.
Bobby Simone: You know, Detective, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today and I think I'm gonna be doing a disservice here to Mr. White.
Andy Sipowicz: What's going on?
Bobby Simone: Mr. White got robbed last night.
Andy Sipowicz: Un-huh.
Bobby Simone: He was driving down South Street, 1 a.m. How'd you put it? Collecting your thoughts?
Mr. White: Yes.
Andy Sipowicz: On South Street?
Bobby Simone: Yeah, just driving down South Street collecting his thoughts when, um, he stops for a stop light. An assailant walks up, demands his car, his wallet and his pants.
Andy Sipowicz: His pants, too? Hmm!
Bobby Simone: I mentioned to Mr. White this pattern we've been working on where the prostitute gets into the car and points the john to some romantic parking lot off of South Street, and then her hardworking pimp shows up and sticks a gun in his face; how we got two detectives on the street right now trying to put a stop to this before someone gets shot. But he can't help us with that because this case is unrelated. This is a whole separate phenomena here because, uh, there's no prostitute involved, right Mr. White?
Mr. White: I told you what happened...
Bobby Simone: Mr. White told me what happened, so he can't be of help on this pattern that we've been working on, where we've got these two cops out on the street busting their ass. I'm feeling kind of bad now, 'cause, uh, I thought Mr. White might be lying to me.
Andy Sipowicz: Well, maybe being in a strange police station, he just can't remember right. Maybe he needs more familiar surroundings.
Bobby Simone: Could that be, Mr. White?
Andy Sipowicz: Try taking him over to his house and talking it out with his wife in the room, and see if maybe that might jog his memory.
Mr. White: Wait.
Bobby Simone: No-no-no-no-no-no. I think we should go do that.
Mr. White: All right, all right. All right.

I'm gonna go home, have two shots of scotch, and consider the bright vista of my career.
--D.A. Maury Abrams, after Bobby blew apart his deal with a dirty corrections officer

"Torah! Torah! Torah!" (03.02)

(intervewing the mentally retarded brother of a murder victim)
Bobby Simone: Frank? (taps his arm with the radio antenna) Frank.
Andy Sipowicz: We're detectives, Frank. We need to talk about what happened to your sister.
Frank Wuthrich: She's dead.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah. We need to talk about that.
Frank Wuthrich: Don't I need a lawyer?
Carl Wuthrich: I told ya. You don't need a lawyer.
Bobby Simone: Frank, we're just gonna find you a change of clothes and get you washed up. And then we'll take you down to the stationhouse so we can talk about what happened. All right?
Frank Wuthrich: I guess I don't need a lawyer.

(after Andy, posing as a Hasidic rabbi, tackles a suspect trying to sell back a stolen torah)
Andy Sipowicz: Now where's that letter opener?
Billy: You stay on top of me, and those hymie boys are never gonna see that letter opener again.
Andy Sipowicz: Shut up.
Billy: What kind of rabbi are you?
Andy Sipowicz: I'm the kind of rabbi who will wrap his payot around your throat and pull it till I got you screaming for God's mercy, which will not be forthcoming!

Julian Kerbis: You're wrong about this.
Bobby Simone: Hey, if there were extenuating circumstances here, if you hadn't intended--
Julian Kerbis: Listen! What I'm intending is to talk to a lawyer.
Andy Sipowicz: Good. You ask him if he wants to take your injection for you.
Bobby Simone: You got good veins there, Kerbis? Because when they're strappin' your ass down, trying to tap for a good one, sometimes they got to poke around three and four times. And you're thinking to yourself, "Is that it? Is that it?"

"Heavin' Can Wait" (03.04)

(Andy finds a perp hiding in a closet)
Arthur Cartwell: I knew I never shoulda come over here. I ain't got nothin' to do with nothin'. I don't know what Ricky into. Man, I just came over here to borrow a book.
Andy Sipowicz: Is that what you got going on here? Some kind of a book club?

(back at the stationhouse)
Arthur Cartwell: I don't know nothin' about that money.
Andy Sipowicz: What'd I tell you?
Arthur Cartwell: Uh, to shut up till you tell me o talk.
Andy Sipowicz: Are you gonna shut up?
Arthur Cartwell: Yeah.

Denise Ludlow: Is that a wig?
Donna Abandando: What?
(Denise points at Donna)
Donna Abandando: No, it's not a wig.
Denise Ludlow: That's your real hair? You put a lot of bleach on it, don't you?

(trying to find out how long hey'll have to wat to pick up Chantal)
Bobby Simone: How much money does she have?
Raul Calderon : Not much. She just went out to get us food. I didn't want her getting mugged.
Andy Sipowicz: Oh, yeah. the streets today, Raul, you're absolutely right.

(commenting on Raul's hairdo, which stands straight up and is dyed a weird blonde color)

Bobby Simone: You know, Raul, they're gonna love your hair in the joint man.
Raul Calderon: It didn't come out so good. I just did it for a disguise.
Andy Sipowicz: So you could blend in with the crowd? What's this? A new jacket?
Raul Calderon: Yeah, I needed some new clothes for the trip.
Andy Sipowicz: Where you goin'?
Raul Calderon: Anyplace. Maybe Puerto Rico.
Andy Sipowicz: Why didn't you go? You had the money.
Raul Calderon: I couldn't have done it with the cops watchin' the airports.
Andy Sipowicz: I hate to tell you this, Einstein, but we ain't got that kind of manpower.
Raul Calderon: I would never have gotten out of the airport.

"Dirty Laundry" (03.05)

Howie: Chill! Chill! I ain't holdin, man!
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah? How about laundry, Howie? You doin' any laundry?
Howie: I don't know what you're talking about.
Andy Sipowicz: I'm talking about you doing laundry for the first time in six months, some guy winds up dead.
Howie: I didn't have nothin' to do with that.
Andy Sipowicz: Oh, there's a fresh concept Howie: you weren't involved.

Andy Sipowicz: If I spend time on this, Howie, and I find that you're pullin' my pud, I'm comin' back here and I'm gonna give you a smack, and I'm gonna hurt you with the D.A. Now is this a straight story?
Howie: Absolutely. Absolutely straight.
Andy Sipowicz: All right. Give me an address.
Howie: Come on. The guy'll know it came from me.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, he might think ill of you, Howie. Of course, he did try to murder you already.

(after John Irvin gave Andy a haircut)

Greg Medavoy: On your hair, Andy, I thought that came to a natural stopping point several years ago.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, very funny.

(after Jerry gets put in a holding cell next to Howie)
Jerry: Is he gettin' out? He's gettin' out, isn't he? Welshes on a bet, sells beat dope, and I'm goin' away?
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, we're harder on murder than we are on bad debts.

(discussing he late, unlamented Detective Ronnie Drucker)
James Martinez: Girlfriend had him half crazy, huh?
Andy Sipowicz: I'll tell ya. You show me any broad walkin' forward, I'll show you what rules the world.

"Curt Russell" (03.06)

Andy Sipowicz: (reading the victim's driver's license) Neera Muck... Muckup... You know, you'd think when these people migrate, they'd take pronounceable names.
Bobby Simone: Like Sipowicz?
Andy Sipowicz: Okay, wiseass. Go ahead. Say that name.
Bobby Simone: Mokapade... Mokoopadearye... I don't know, man.

(discussing an Indian murder victim)

Andy Sipowicz: We're never gonna know what the hell this is about. Y'know, I wish I could get off this case. Look at the red dot on her forehead. What is that for? You just tell me. What the hell is that?
Bobby Simone: (annoyed) What's the difference between that and people wearing earrings?
Andy Sipowicz: You know what this is about? you wanna know what this is gonna be about?
Bobby Simone: What?
Andy Sipowicz: These people worship cows. They let them live in the house. They'd starve to death before they'd eat 'em, okay?
Bobby Simone: Andy, what does that have to do with this D.O.A.?
Andy Sipowicz: Because 200 years ago, some bride wasn't a virgin, and that cursed the whole family line, and now the moon is in Jupiter's asshole, and some great-great-great-great-grandson had to wreak vengeance. And that's what this is gonna be about.
Bobby Simone: So now we got a theory to go on.

(as James searches Marv's pockets)
James Martinez: What are these? Credit card recepits? What are you doing with 'em?
Marv Eubanks: You got the right to keep silent.
Greg Medavoy: What?
Marv Eubanks: Nothing. (to uniform cop) Your badge is melting, man.
James Martinez: Very good.
Greg Medavoy: Your badge is melting. Go figure.
James Martinez: Funny guy, huh? Better living through pharmacy.

Andy Sipowicz: We'll talk to the kids some more, see if the mother was away a lot, but I don't think there was a boyfriend.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: What are you basing that on?
Andy Sipowicz: On the fact that in India, these women throw themselves on their husband's funeral piles.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Still?

How do we know her father didn't welsh on the dowry? Maybe she was seen eating on one of those fast days or something.
--Andy Sipowicz, floating another theory

(after getting a description of Mrs. Mukhopadhyay's killer)
Bobby Simone: At least we know it's an Indian guy.
Andy Sipowicz: Now all's we need is to figure out which blood cult he belongs to.

Bobby Simone: Oh, that's a jackpot.
Andy Sipowicz: Over you and Russell?
Bobby Simone: Yeah, I should've just kept my mouth shut about this backup deal.
Andy Sipowicz: I tried to teach you tact. I just can't get through.

"Aging Bull" (03.07)

William Crawford: I want the FBI notified.
Bobby Simone: Right. We do that in kidnappings.
William Crawford: I used to be in the Bureau, so I know what kind of technology and manpower they can bring to bear.
Andy Sipowicz: Oh, they got massive technology.

(discussing the FBI's involvement in a kidnapping case while outside an OTB parlor)
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, say goodbye to Bernard Kaiser.
Diane Russell: You should've seen them come sweepin' into Kaiser's office. Took our equipment off the phones like we were janitors.
Andy Sipowicz: The one thing those guys are good at: usin' their elbows.
Greg Medavoy: Well, my reason for optimism with the victim, uh... the grab was fairly well-executed, and the family is willing to pay ransom.
Andy Sipowicz: It's the FBI, Medavoy. The guy croaks.
Greg Medavoy: Eh. Differing opinions. That's why there's chocolate and vanilla.
Andy Sipowicz: You wanna back up that good feelin' you've got?
Diane Russell: Amazing. Same when I was in Vice. Every time we staked out OTB, guys wound up bettin'.
Greg Medavoy: Twenty buck mind bet the guy makes it.
Andy Sipowicz: A mind bet?
Greg Medavoy: An imaginary bet.
Andy Sipowicz: How 'bout 50 actual dollars?
Greg Medavoy: All right. Twenty-five real dollars as a vote against negative thinking.
(Andy shakes his head)

James "Jimmy Steps" Samson: You tell Steve [Richards] he's a scumbag, puttin' me in this type jackpot.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, yeah. He'll be filled with remorse.

Lt. Arthur Fancy: You guys'll work liaison with the Bureau tomorrow on that 9:00 ransom call?
Bobby Simone: Yeah, okay.
Andy Sipowicz: Maybe we can detail their cars.

Clean underwear tomorrow. We're goin' to the Bureau.
--Andy Sipowicz

(at the FBI's New York field office the next day; Andy pretended he was an FBI agent when dealing with Steve earlier)
Bobby Simone: Where you been, Steve?
Steve Richards: Ate Thai food last night. Got food poisoning. Thought it was curtains, man. All this for Jimmy Steps, all this activity?
Andy Sipowicz: No, Steve.
(Andy grabs his shirt)
Steve Richards: Agent!
Andy Sipowicz: It's not from Jimmy Steps.
(Andy pushes him agianst the wall)
Steve Richards: Agent!
Bobby Simone: You didn't hear that guy callin' from no pay phone, Steve. What you did was sell him a phone with a cloned number.
Steve Richards: Oh, boy.
Andy Sipowicz: This is one more chapter, how Steve spends his life steppin' on his johnson.

(after the FBI blew the ransom handover)
Inspector Aiello: (pointing at his temple) Put the bullet right here. It's the humane thing to do.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: How do you get the heat?
Andy Sipowicz: It's the FBI's screw-up. All we could do was stand around scratchin' our nuts.

(at the apartment of the guy who sold the phone to the kidnappers)
Bobby Simone: All right. Relax, Pete. We're gonna take you down to the station house. We wanna talk to you about a few things, all right?
Pete Bielski: Nope. Nope. Screw you guys.
Andy Sipowicz: Oh, good. that's a good opening attitude, Pete. (smacks him on top of the head)

(Pete thought the detectives were in cahoots with the kidnappers and sent to whack him)
Bobby Simone: Pete, hello? (shows him his badge) We are the cops, okay?
(Pete chuckles, breathes deeply, and whimpers while pulling his hair)
Pete Bielski: You guys are really cops?
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, and we're lookin' for a real guy, got grabbed, before he turns up really dead. All right? So let's go over to our real station house, okay, Pete?

(after they find the kidnapped man)
William Crawford: Mr. Kaiser. Thank God.
Bernard Kaiser: It was Kerry and Edmonds. Did you-- did you pay the ransom?
William Crawford: Yes, sir! We did.
Bernard Kaiser: Then they're gonna be in Bimini.
Andy Sipowicz: (to Special Agent Wilson) Ho-ho, brilliant. Clean getaway to a place that's got no extradition. Bureau's got them lulled into a false sense of security.
FBI Special Agent Frederick Wilson: Get outta my face.
Andy Sipowicz: Now you put a field operation together: some paratroopers, couple dozen rough terrain vehicles--
Agent Wilson: Get away from me.
Andy Sipowicz: AWACS, spy planes... (scoffs)

(at the end of the day)
Greg Medavoy: Hey, Andy?
(Andy hangs up the phone)
Greg Medavoy: So, I told you I h-h-had a feelin', didn't I, Andy, that-that the guy'd survive?
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, that's right.
Greg Medavoy: So, uh, with him surviving, you know, like I predicted, um... We made that bet, right, Andy?
Andy Sipowicz: Wai-wai-wait. Wait a second, Medavoy. You're sayin', I helped affect the rescue of this hostage, and in so doing, it cost me 25 bucks? That's how you think it should go, huh?
Greg Medavoy: Andy, Andy...
Andy Sipowicz: Huh?
Greg Medavoy: You knew you caught the case wh-when you made the bet. Am I wrong?
(Andy sighs)
Greg Medavoy: (to Diane) Tell me if I'm wrong.
Diane Russell: I gotta go.
Andy Sipowicz: You're absolutely right, Medavoy.
Greg Medavoy: Yeah. I mean, you know, i-if it had went the other way, I'd have definitely paid the debt.
(Andy tries to bum $25 off of Steve, then pulls some money out of his pocket)
Andy Sipowicz: I want you to take this money, Medavoy, purchase some Preparation H, and I want you to shove the change up your tushie.
Greg Medavoy: Thanks, Andy.

"Cold Heaters" (03.08)

Bobby Simone: Ray, this is Assistant D.A. Sylvia Costas.
Ray DiSalvo: Ray DiSalvo.
Sylvia Costas: (smiling) How do you do?
Bobby Simone: Miss Costas wants to talk to you about this armored car job.
Ray DiSalvo: No problem. I'm all for women's lib.
(Sylvia's smile drops)

Bobby Simone: You Brendan Bickles?
Brendan Bickles: I didn't do anthing.
Bobby Simone: What are you worried about?
IAB Sgt. Jerry Martens: He's our suspect Simone.
Bobby Simone: This is our suspect, we're taking him to our house.
Brendan Bickles: I didn't do anything.
Bobby Simone: Shut up.
Sgt. Martens: He's our collar, Simone. Now don't you talk to him till we straighten this out.
Bobby Simone: Yeah, right. Even if he's beggin' to confess.

(searching a bodega for a handgun)
James Martinez: I'm gonna go check the dumpster.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah.
(Andy reaches in the freezer and finds something)
Andy Sipowicz: Martinez.
James Martinez: What do you got?
(Andy produces a pair of guns wrapped in a cloth)
Andy Sipowicz: Here, you want a popsicle?
James Martinez: They were in the freezer?
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, don't you keep your guns there?

(interviewing an actor who's been accused of assaulting another actor during performances)
Greg Medavoy: Mr. Gibson, I'd like you to make a statement regarding Mr. Cahill's complaint.
Raleigh Gibson: A statement? The little turd got just what was coming to him. Where do I sign?

Sgt. Martens: Your name has come up in connection with an armored car robbery that took place September 9, 1992. What was your involvement in that incident?
Detective Ernie Kowalski: I decline to answer.
Sgt. Martens: And accomplish what? You decline an answer if you know guys that we know you know? What, you think I'm an asshole?
Ernie Kowalski: That one I'll answer.

"Sorry, Wong Suspect" (03.09)

Andy Sipowicz: Sylvia's got this test. You know, they take out some fluid?.
Bobby Simone: Amniocentesis?
Andy Sipowicz: Uh, I guess it's pretty standard nowadays.
Bobby Simone: Yeah, it's very run of the mill.
Andy Sipowicz: So she asked me this morning. She said, "Do you want to go?" Dope I am, I figure I got a choice.
Bobby Simone: So you said no?
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah. Now she looks at me like one of them snails, leaves a trail on the cement? So I'm followin' her around the apartment, you know? "Please let me go. Let me see some huge needle get stuck in your belly so I nearly pass out." "Uh-uh," she says. "Not if you have to be begged."
Bobby Simone: Go with her, Andy.
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah. Now she says I can't.
Bobby Simone: She don't mean that.
Andy Sipowicz: Ah, it's like talkin' to a skell. You never know where you stand.

(Andy and Bobby run into the coroner at the crime scene.)
Bobby Simone: Hey, Doc. Pretty good service there.
M.E. Silverman: Yeah, well, I was on a coronary two blocks away. German tourist face-down in his wonton soup. Now I've got a jumper in Gramercy Park, and somehow I'm supposed to make a 10:15 squash game on the island.
Andy Sipowicz: Hoo! That kind of stress, they wonder why you guys burn out.

Harold Ng: So, Andy, how's married life treating you, huh?
Andy Sipowicz: Not bad. I'm having a baby.
Harold Ng: Oh, congratulations. Hope the little baby look like wife, huh?
Andy Sipowicz: You and me both.

Bobby Simone: That heroin we found in your apartment, that kind of weight, gotta take that to Federal court. Mandatory minimum sentence you're looking at is 10 years.
Jimmy: It's not my apartment.
Andy Sipowicz: That's right. You were just visiting. As soon as you realized it was full of guns, whores, and drugs, you were so shocked you dove out the window.

Andy Sipowicz: So, uh, 4:00, huh?
Sylvia Costas: Sorry?
Andy Sipowicz: Your doctor's appointment.
Sylvia Costas: Oh. Yes, 4:00.
Andy Sipowicz: Sylvia, let me go with you.
Sylvia Costas: Nah, Andy. Not with your teeth clenched.
Andy Sipowicz: My sole point... this is a professional procedure.
Sylvia Costas: We can certainly hope.
Andy Sipowicz: The last thing the doctor needs... He sticks a needle in you, I'm standing there observing. Besides which, your privates are uncovered.
Sylvia Costas: We understand each other perfectly. Great tie.
(Sylvia walks up to anti-crime)
Andy Sipowicz: (to Bobby) Oh, boy.

Eddie Wong: You guys are jamming me up.
Andy Sipowicz: Okay, Eddie. I'll take a sleeping pill so I don't lie awake.

Eddie Wong: I would never hurt Katie.
Bobby Simone: Well, Katie wound up dead.
Andy Sipowicz: If you're so upset, why aren't you looking for who killed her? Who's your hero, Eddie? O.J.?

"The Backboard Jungle" (03.10)

Fool reporter wants to know if your partner is a racist. When he figures that out, he's gonna work on how babies get here.
--Brother Kwasi Olishula, to Bobby after Andy called him a racial epithet in front of a reporter

Andy Sipowicz: You knew Lorenzo Gaines, didn't you?
Bo-Bo Thomas: Say Lorenzo Gaiiiiiiiines?
Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, Lorenzo Gaiiines. The guy that somebody shot point-blank in the face in the middle of all this excitement. You knew him, right?
Bo-Bo Thomas: Uh-uhh.
Andy Sipowicz: No? He used to sling dope out of the Avenue D projects. You sling dope out of the Avenue D projects.
Bo-Bo Thomas: I don't sling no dope.
Andy Sipowicz: Oh, you don't? Well, I'm glad to hear that, Bo-Bo. 'Cause slingin' dope, that's a dangerous career path. And after gettin' to know you a little bit here, I-I can't take the thought of seein' you windin' up like poor Lorenzo.

(examining the scene of an arson which only left the front of the dead woman's body burned)
Bobby Simone: Look at this.
Andy Sipowicz: What?
Bobby Simone: Tattoo.
Andy Sipowicz: Where?
Bobby Simone: Right here. (points to the back of her neck) A blue unicorn.
Vince Gotelli: Yeah, a unicorn means something.
Andy Sipowicz: What?
Vince Gotelli: Damned if I know.
Bobby Simone: Vince, it means that we stand half a chance of getting her identified.
Andy Sipowicz: A decent arsonist would turn his nose up at this one. He puts the gas down, lights a fire and runs, the fire sputters out on the concrete floor.
Vince Gotelli: You get amateurs in every occupation, I guess.

Andy Sipowicz: How many drinks you had today, Dimitri?
Dimitri Goloff: Two vodkas.
Andy Sipowicz: So you're more or less sober, right?

(Vince comes in for the 4-12 shift)
Vince Gotelli: Hear you collared up on that torch job.
Bobby Simone: Uh-huh.
Vince Gotelli: One of the guys you questioned was tattooed like the DOA?
Bobby Simone: Yeah.
Vince Gotelli: Had one of those unicorns?
Bobby Simone: Mm-hmm. Russian guy.
Vince Gotelli: I figured it was important, that tattoo. I just didn't know where it fit.
(they watch in disbelief as Vince goes into the coffee room)
Andy Sipowicz: He chose this job over a career in neurosurgery.