1. What is Super Smash Brothers Melee for the Nintendo GameCube?
Best. Game. Ever. Besides Kingdom Hearts, of course, but that's besides the point!
2. No, really.
FINE! SSBM is the sequel to Super Smash Brothers, with basically the same premise - a bunch of Nintendo characters gathered together to fight one another in a fighting/party game - characters like Mario (Super Mario Brothers), Link (The Legend of Zelda), Fox McCloud (Star Fox), even characters like Ness (from the RPG EarthBound), Dr. Mario (from the puzzle game Dr. Mario), and even Captain Falcon (from the racing game F-Zero). Like I said. Best. Game. Ever.
3. Who's the best character to play as, overall? Can you tell me how to play as this particular character?
Well, there are certain factors to consider. If you are a first time player, Mario is your best bet, as he is the most balanced character. However, if you are --
| POWER | COMMAND | DESCRIPTION |
| Warlock Punch | B | Ganondorf rears back and punches. Extremely powerful - can knock a character clear off the board when they're at 50% damage. |
| Gerudo Dragon | Forward + B | Ganondorf zooms forward; if he connects with an opponent, he punches him and sends him upward. |
| Wizard's Foot | Down + B | Ganondorf surrounds himself with dark magic as he lunges and kicks. Will either shoot downward or forward, depending on if Ganondorf is in air or on the ground, respectively. |
4. Why is Luigi a secret character again?
Because everyone hates him, that's why. Even you! Admit it!
5. Who are these Ice Climbers that for some reason I can play as BEFORE I play as Luigi?
Now look what you did. You made Popo cry!
The Ice Climbers were a couple of crazy Eskimo (sorry, Inuit) kids, named Popo and Nana, who climbed mountains and went around pounding seals and bears with their gigantic mallets in an attempt to save vegetables from a giant condor. Crazy kids! What'll they think of next! Anyway, their starring game, Ice Climber, was released onto the NES mere weeks after the wildly successful Super Mario Bros. was released, thus leaving the poor Ice Climbers in the dust. Who knows? Maybe if it was released earlier, we could have seen Ice Climbers 64 ten years later... where you climb 3D mountains and whack 3D seals with your 3D mallets. Will wonders never cease?
6. Who is this Mr. Game & Watch, and why did I have to wait so long to unlock him?!
Stop whining! Mr. Game & Watch was in essence, Nintendo's first video game character, way back in 1980, before portable video gaming involved little more than one simple action, repeated ten thousand times. Oh wait, that was also the Atari 2600. He's obviously two-dimensional (but in a way, aren't we all?) and most of his attacks come from his dozens of games. And he was supposed to be a surprise, dammit! Now his birthday party will be ruined. Oh, well, he'll have to take it out on Mario.
7. You know who they should put in the next one?
Seeing as though the answer to this self-answered question is almost always a character that Nintendo doesn't own, shut up.
8. Who told you that you were funny, anyhow?
Oh hush up.