Heathers (1989)
Directed by Michael Lehmann
Written by Daniel Waters 

Winona Ryder.......................... Veronica Sawyer 
Christian Slater........................... Jason Dean 
Shannen Doherty.......................... Heather Duke
Lisanne Falk......................... Heather McNamara 
Kim Walker........................... Heather Chandler 
Penelope Milford...................... Pauline Fleming 
Glenn Shadix............................ Father Ripper 
Lance Fenton............................... Kurt Kelly 
Patrick Labyorteaux............................... Ram


     FADE IN:

 1   EXT. SAWYER'S BACKYARD--DAWN                                   1   

     Elegiac music murmurs as three female and barefoot PAIRS OF 
     LEGS in skirts break from tableau to gently engage in Croquet.

     A blue mallet hits a blue ball through a wicket, a green 
     mallet knocks a green ball, and a yellow mallet pushes forward 
     a yellow ball, all in enticing syncopation.

     Suddenly a red ball rockets through the dew covered grass 
     and hits the green ball. The LEGS all stop moving as a FOURTH 
     PAIR OF LEGS, this one in stylish shoes and stockings, marches 
     to the red ball and steps on it. A red mallet is brought 
     down hard on the red ball causing the adjacent green ball to 
     thunder out of view. The Pair of Legs manuevering the green 
     ball departs. This process of elimination is grimly repeated 
     with the yellow ball and yet again with the blue ball.

     However, when the BLUE MALLETED PLAYER makes her sad exit, 
     the viewer's viewpoint glides along with this particular 
     Pair of Legs. A red ball whizzes by. The Legs stop. Another 
     red ball malevolently sails past the Legs. Then yet another 
     red ball. A fourth red ball makes brutal contact with the 
     Legs causing the Player to fall to her knees and into the 
     frame. The Player is VERONICA SAWYER.

 2   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--DAY                                   2   

     VERONICA SAWYER, a sullen seventeen year old beauty, lies 
     atop her bed dressed in a chic but understated ensemble, her 
     eyes glazed open in a morning reverie. She blows up at her 
     bangs then slides off her bed, launching into voice-over 
     narration over the empty bed.

                           VERONICA (V.O.)
               Heather told me she teaches people 
               Real Life.

 3   INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY--DAY                                  3   

     Continuing her narration, VERONICA glides through a bustling 
     high school hallway with a frozen smile.

                           VERONICA (V.O.)
               She said Real Life sucks Losers dry.  
               If you want to fuck with the eagles, 
               you have to learn to fly.


                                                                       p. 2

 4   INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE CAFETERIA--DAY                            4   

     With her back turned to the viewer, VERONICA stands at the 
     outskirts of the cafeteria entrance. The viewer's viewpoint 
     approaches and finally curls around VERONICA to reveal that 
     she is writing in a diary, wearing a monocle.

                           VERONICA (V.O.)
               I said so you teach people how to 
               spread their wings and fly. She said 


     VERONICA'S pen sways across the diary page forming the words 
     echoed by her voice-over.

                           VERONICA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
               I said You're Beautiful.

     A sudden off-screen bark from HEATHER MCNAMARA causes the 
     pen to recklessly rocket across the written words.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA (O.S.)
               God, come on Veronica!

     VERONICA coolly pops the monocle from her eye before angrily 
     addressing the amusingly robust, conventionally beautiful, 
     trendily coiffed HEATHER MCNAMARA.

               What's your damage, Heather? You 
               ruined my...

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               God, I'm so sure. Don't blame me, 
               blame Heather. She told me to haul 
               your ass into the caf pronto. Back 
               me up, Heather.

     From behind HEATHER MCNAMARA emerges a similarly trendily 
     accessorized but noticeably more inhibited waif, HEATHER 

     She is clutching a tattered copy of "The Catcher in the Rye."

                           HEATHER DUKE
               Yeah, she really wants to talk to 

               Okay, I'm going, I'm going. Jesus...


                                                                       p. 3

 5   INT. INSIDE THE CAFETERIA--DAY                                 5   

     strides into the lunchroom pandemonium.

     The stunning HEATHER CHANDLER turns from the tray before her 
     toward her incoming comrades. She is dressed stylishly and 
     expensively but not trendily; her hair, dramatically tied 

               Hello, Heather.

     Pulling out a crumpled piece of yellow paper, HEATHER CHANDLER 
     smiles. The content of what Heather says is consistently 
     offensive but the tone in which she speaks is sexy, dangerous, 
     and mysterious. She is a mythic bitch.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Veronica. Finally. Got a paper of 
               Kurt Kelly's. I need you to forge a 
               hot and horny but realistically low-
               key note in Kurt's handwriting and 
               we'll slip it into Martha Dumptruck's 
               lunch tray.

               Shit, Heather. I don't have anything 
               against Martha Dunnstock.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               You don't have anything for her 
               either. Come on, it'll be Very. The 
               note'll give her shower nozzle 
               masturbation material for weeks.

               I'll think about it.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
                    (looking off)
               Don't think.


     Unattractive and quite overweight, MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK 
     guiltily plops two jellos on her tray and clunks forward in 


     VERONICA's arm, seemingly involuntary, latches onto the 
     outstretched pen.


                                                                       p. 4

                           HEATHER CHANDLER (CONT'D)
               Splendid. I'll dictate. Veronica 
               needs something to write on.

     Heather, bend over.

     CHANDLER violently laughs.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER (CONT'D)
               How nice. Two assholes: no waiting.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA and HEATHER DUKE stand erect, embarrassed.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER (CONT'D)
               Heather Duke, back down.

     VERONICA scurries to the contorting HEATHER DUKE.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER (CONT'D)
               Dear Martha, you're so sweet..


     The traditionally handsome KURT KELLY and the massive RAM 
     sit with other typical Jocks taking in VERONICA and the 

               It'd be so righteous to be in a 
               Veronica Sawyer-Heather Chandler 
               sandwich. Punch it in, Ram.

     KURT and RAM raise their right arms and slam their fists 

               Hell yes. I wanna set a Heather on 
               my Johnson and just start spinning 
               her like a fucking pinwheel.

     RAM makes a frantic spinning motion.


     In slow motion, VERONICA finishes the note and rises up along 
     with her makeshift desk, HEATHER DUKE.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA hawkishly gazes toward the cafeteria line.

     VERONICA hands the note to an impressed HEATHER CHANDLER.


                                                                       p. 5

     MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK pays the CASHIER and then, grasping 
     her lunch tray with both hands, moves toward VERONICA and 
     the HEATHERS.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA excitedly tugs on HEATHER CHANDLER'S arm as 
     MARTHA approaches. With a tranquil smile, HEATHER CHANDLER 
     passes the note to her frantic disciple.

     In a self-consciously clandestine manner, HEATHER MCNAMARA 
     saunters past MARTHA then wields around to sneakily tuck the 
     note onto MARTHA's tray.

     The slow motion concludes as their plump victim shuffles 
     past a magnetic preppie PETER DAWSON and a thin, black, 
     bespectacled DENNIS. The guys are working a large stand which 
     has a cashbox reading THE FOODLESS FUND and a banner reading 

               Come on people, let's give that 
               leftover lunch money to people without 
               lunches! Those tater tots you threw 
               away today are a delicacy in Africa! 
               They're Thanksgiving dinner!


     The Girls reach their table with HEATHER MCNAMARA and HEATHER 
     DUKE sitting themselves down first.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
                    (looking to the stand)
               God, aren't they fed yet? Do they 
               even have Thanksgiving in Africa?

                    (low key sarcasm)
               Oh sure, Pilgrims, Indians, tater 
               tots; it's a real party continent.

     HEATHER CHANDLER draws up a clipboard.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Sawyer. Guess what today is?

               Ouch....the lunchtime poll. So what's 
               the question?

                           HEATHER DUKE
               Yeah, so what's the question?


                                                                       p. 6

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               God-damn Heather, you were with me 
               in Study Hall when I thought of it.  
               Such a pillowcase.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               I forgot.


     VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER briskly bop away from the table 
     as a wounded HEATHER DUKE retreats to The Catcher in the 

               Hey, this question wouldn't be that 
               bizarro thing you were babbling about 
               over the phone last......

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Shut up, it is. I told Dennis if he 
               gave me another topic that was 
               political, I'd spew burrito chunks.

     VERONICA shakes her head and looks off. She's suddenly 
     captured by the sight of a JAMES DEANESQUE GUY sitting stark 
     in a long, tan gunslinger coat, behind a Rebel Without a 
     Cause lunchbox. They make eye contact.

     Transfixed, VERONICA crashes into seated BETTY FINN, a 
     slightly overweight, unstylishly dressed sweetie surrounded 
     by clones.

               Sorry Veronica.

               Betty Finn. Gosh.....

     VERONICA crouches down, embarrassed and rueful.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               I'm really sorry I couldn't make it 
               to your birthday party last month.

               That's okay. Your Mom said you had a 
               big date. Heck, I'd probably skip my 
               own birthday party for a date.

     VERONICA gently laughs at BETTY's innocent awe.


                                                                       p. 7

               Don't say that.

               Oh Ronnie, you have to look at what 
               I dug up the other day.

     BETTY pulls from her purse a picture showing a YOUNG BETTY 
     FINN AND VERONICA SAWYER, arm-in-arm, dressed in Halloween 
     costumes: BETTY is an angel, VERONICA is a witch.

     VERONICA glows at the photo until HEATHER CHANDLER tows 
     VERONICA away causing the picture to fall face up on the 


               I was talking with someone!

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Color me impressed. I thought you 
               grew out of Betty Finn.


     A coolly coed cabal of Country Club Kids icily eye the 
     approaching VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER. Country Club kid 
     COUTRNEY sourly speaks out.

               Oh great. Here comes Heather.



     Alone at a table in the Siberia of the cafeteria, MARTHA 
     finishes a forkful of chicken. She spears her plate again 
     and brings the fork up. The note is wedged inside it.


     HEATHER CHANDLER, Veronica in tow, hits the Country Club 
     Kids with a salvo of false pleasantness, capped by a scowling 

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Hi Courtney. Love your blouse. Ooh, 
               let me snare a tater.

     COURTNEY expresses elation in spite of herself as HEATHER 
     CHANDLER delicately takes a tot and turns around to face


                                                                       p. 8

     VERONICA. HEATHER CHANDLER inserts her finger in her mouth 
     doing the "induce-vomiting" signal before devouring the tot 
     and turning back around.

               Thanks. I just got it last night at 
               the Limited. Totally blew my 

     HEATHER CHANDLER raises her clipboard. VERONICA closes her 
     eyes and shakes her head with a half-smile.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               That's pretty very. Now check this 
               out. You win five million dollars 
               from Publishers Sweepstakes, but on 
               the same day what's-his-face gives 
               you the check, aliens land on earth 
               and say they're going to blow up the 
               world in two days.  What would you 

     A stunned tableau; until Country Club Kid KEITH speaks.

               That's easy. I'd just slide that wad 
               over to my father. He's like one of 
               the top brokers in the state.

               Wake up. In two days, Earth's going 
               up like a Roman Candle. Crab Nebula 

               Man, in two days, my dad could double 
               my money. Triple it.

               If I got that money, I'd give it all 
               to the Homeless. Every cent.

               You're beautiful.


     PETER reaches into the Foodless Fund Box and takes some bills.

               Dennis, my man, run over to Mickey 
               D.'s and get me a Big Mac and some 


                                                                       p. 9

               But that's the Foodless Fund money.

               Hey, even Bob Geldof's got to eat.  
               If it makes you feel better, bag the 
               fries, and nab yourself an Apple 


     HEATHER CHANDLER drags VERONICA down a cafeteria lane.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               If you're going to openly be a 

               I'm sorry, it's just why can't we 
               talk to different kinds of people?

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I 
               look like Mother Theresa? If I did, 
               I probably wouldn't mind talking to 
               the Geek Squad.

     She points to a table of unfashionably dressed and coiffed 
     students. Some wear glasses, some wear braces, some wear 


     The GEEKS react to being pointed at. Their boney leader RODNEY 
     splatters milk over himself.

               Did you see that? Heather Number One 
               looked right at us.

                           BIG CYNIC
               It must be love.



               Doesn't it bother you that everyone 
               in the school thinks you're a piranha?


                                                                      p. 10

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Like I give a shit. They all want 
               me, as a friend or a fuck. I'm 
               worshipped at Westerburg and I'm 
               only a Junior.

               Pretend you're a missionary saving a 
               colony of cootie victims.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
                    (giving in)
               Whatever. I don't believe this. We're 
               going to a party at Remington 
               University tonight and we're brushing 
               up our conversation skills with the 
               scum of the school.


     Her sweaty lips moving rapidly, MARTHA anxiously reads the 


     The nervous GEEKS fidget and roughhouse each other in an 
     involuntarily immature reaction to their beautiful 

                           GEEK WITH BRACES
               No seriously, I'd probably go to 
               Egypt. With a girl.

                           BIG CYNIC
               Taking a hooker to the Pyramids on 
               the last day of Mankind. You 
               sentimental old fart.

               Geez, forget it.

               What about you Rodney?

                    (quietly to the others)
               I told you she knew my name.
                    (beat of contemplation)
               I'd change my life. New clothes.  
               New haircut. New house. New home.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               How sad! Blowing all your cash on 
               two days of trying to be hip.


                                                                      p. 11


     VERONICA tugs HEATHER CHANDLER away from the table.

               If you're going to openly be a 

     As HEATHER CHANDLER continues to guffaw, VERONICA again 
     catches sight of the JAMES DEANESQUE GUY. He wraps his fingers 
     around an egg and unfolds them back. The egg is gone. He 
     smiles. VERONICA smiles back.

     Her trance is broken by a boisterous HEATHER MCNAMARA and 
     HEATHER DUKE who careen into the two pollsters.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               God, scan on Martha Dumptruck.


     MARTHA looks up from the note to the JOCKS' table and KURT 
     KELLY, then flustered, back down at the note.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               This is the part I hate.  The waiting.  
               I'd say we're like twenty minutes 
               from major humiliation. Come on, 

     HEATHER CHANDLER floats off. A disturbed VERONICA takes a 
     moment to react.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER (CONT'D)

     VERONICA follows the leader. She calls out.


 6   EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT--DAY                                   6   

     VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER march into the school parking 
     lot toward four HEAVY METALERS (one female) hanging out on a 
     car hood. The girls' conversation is heard in voice-over.

                           VERONICA (V.O.)
               ...you Heather. Deep down all 
               teenagers are the same. Didn't you 
               see The Breakfast Club?


                                                                      p. 12

 7   INT. CAFETERIA--BETTY FINN'S TABLE--DAY                        7   

     VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER set themselves down with BETTY 

                           HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.)
               Look at me. I look great. I'm the 
               girl in the commercials and the 


     VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER warily stand at the outskirts 
     of the JOCKS' bastion of vulgarity.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.) (CONT'D)
               I'm the blonde in the bikini on the 
               horse holding a Pepsi can.

 8   INT. STONERS' HALLWAY--DAY                                     8   

     In a dark, smoky hallway, VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER cough 
     toward a batch of STONERS in tattered forms of dress.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.)
               I'm the princess being spanked on 
               the throne by Billy Idol's guitarist's 

 9   INT. THE FOODLESS FUND STAND--DAY                              9   

     Foodless Fund stand.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.)
               What do I get out of being friends 
               with losers. I give them a piece of 
               a winner and they stain me with 

10   EXT. PARKING LOT--DAY                                         10   

     Heavy Metaler MATT grins.

               You get five million dollars but 
               some Martians are going to zap you 
               in two days.  You hear that, Clyde?  
               That's got to be the most spooky-ass 
               question I've ever heard.

11   INT. CAFETERIA--BETTY FINN'S TABLE--DAY                       11   

     BETTY FINN daintily peeps up.


                                                                      p. 13

                           BETTY FINN
               I think we should use the money for 
               an End-of-the-world get-together.  
               We could invite guys.


     RAM sputters out some chicken to bellow.

               I'd pay Madonna one million dollars 
               to ride my face like the Kentucky 
               Derby. She should be paying me, 

12   INT. STONERS' HALLWAY--DAY                                    12   

     A FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JACKET starts to speak, then stops...

                           FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JACKET

13   INT. CAFETERIA--THE FOODLESS FUND STAND--DAY                  13   

     PETER DAWSON lashes out.

               This is important. With taxes, I'd 
               be only getting 3.5 million and....

14   EXT. PARKING LOT--DAY                                         14   

     Heavy Metaler CLYDE turns from his friend MATT.

               If you want a good way to go out 
               before the aliens land, get a lion 
               from the zoo. Put a remote control 
               bomb up its butt.  When the lion 
               starts tearing you up, press the 
               bomb button.  You and the lion die 
               like as one.

     Two Heavy Metal lovers, JACKIE and STEVE, intertwined against 
     the windshield blankly respond.

                           JACKIE AND STEVE

15   INT. CAFETERIA THOROUGHFARE--DAY                              15   

     VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER continue their conversation 
     chugging through another busy cafeteria lane.


                                                                      p. 14

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Just imagine somebody like your quasi-
               fat, goody-good friend Betty Finn 
               doing a Crest commercial. No one 
               would buy Crest.

               Don't tell me. Crest would be stained 
               with loserness.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Yeah, and who wants that on their 

     HEATHER MCNAMARA and HEATHER DUKE burst back between them.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Oh God, here we go...


     MARTHA, with awkward apprehension, stumbles toward KURT and 
     the JOCKS. VERONICA and the HEATHERS stop breathing.

     MARTHA mumbles something unintelligible from where the girls 
     stand. KURT'S head detonates with a terrifying cackle. MARTHA 
     flees the cafeteria in horror. VERONICA spins away from her 
     mirthful friends in disgust and makes eye contact with the 
     similarly disturbed JAMES DEANESQUE GUY.

     VERONICA lurches away. She brakes against the Foodless Fund 
     stand where PETER DAWSON is hollering away.

               A dime increases the time!  A buck 
               brings good luck!  Hi Veronica.  A 
               five keeps the neighborhood alive!  
               A ten and you die without sen!

     HEATHER CHANDLER wings a twenty dollar bill into the cashbox.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
                    (to Veronica)
               You wanted to become a member of the 
               most powerful clique in the school. 
               If I wasn't already the head of it, 
               I'd want the same thing.

               I'm sorry? What are you oozing about?


                                                                      p. 15

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               That episode with the note back there 
               was for all of us to enjoy, but you 
               seem determined to ruin my day.

                    (slapping her knee)
               We made a girl want to consider 
               suicide. What a scream. What a jest.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Come on you jerk. You know you used 
               to have a sense of humor.

16   INT. GIRLS BATHROOM--DAY                                      16   

     Combing their hair in the bathroom mirror, the HEATHERS speak 
     in comically whining-and-pathetic imitations of Martha 
     Dumptruck as VERONICA shakes her head with a half-smile.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Ku-urt, let's pa-arty.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Ku-urt, I ne-ed an orgasm.

     HEATHER DUKE's gentle off-screen voice slices in.

                           HEATHER DUKE (O.S.)
               Veronica, could you come back here?


               A true friend's work is never done.

     VERONICA reveals her right index finger is cut noticeably 
     short, then walks over to the stalls.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Grow up, Heather. Bulimia's so '86.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Color me nauseous.


     VERONICA stands in a tight stall with an ashamed HEATHER 

               Maybe you should see a doctor.


                                                                      p. 16

                           HEATHER DUKE
               Yeah, maybe.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER (O.S.)
               Come on Heather. We want another 
               look at today's lunch.

               Geez, don't listen to them.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA (O.S.)
               Did she have the pie or the ice cream 
               for dessert?
                    (like a game show 
               And the answer is.

     HEATHER DUKE holds up her copy of The Catcher in the Rye and 
     makes a bizarrely defiant smile.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               Yeah, you know Holden Caulfield in 
               the Catcher in the Rye wouldn't put 
               up with their bogus nonsense.

               Well, you better move Holden out of 
               the way or he's going to get spewed.

     HEATHER DUKE puts down her book and opens her mouth. VERONICA 
     sticks her finger in.


     A gnarly melange of chicken and potatoes is scraped off a 
     plate into a cafeteria trashcan as VERONICA and the HEATHERS 
     stroll by outside. VERONICA pauses to peer in at the JAMES


                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               God Veronica, drool much? His name's 
               Jason Dean. He's in my American 

               Give me the clipboard.

     As VERONICA walks off, HEATHER MCNAMARA oinks out some amusing 
     sexual noises.


     VERONICA saunters to JASON DEAN.


                                                                      p. 17

               Hello Jason Dean.

               Greetings and salutations. Call me 
               J.D. Are you a Heather?

               No, a Veronica. Sawyer. This may 
               seem like a stupid question....

               There are no stupid questions.

               If you inherit five million dollars 
               the same day aliens tell the earth 
               they're blowing us up in two days, 
               what would you do?

               That's the stupidest question I've 
               ever heard.


     The JOCKS witness VERONICA and J.D.

               Who does that new kid think he is 
               with that coat? Bo Diddley?

               Veronica is into his act. No doubt.

               Let's kick his ass.

               Shit, we're seniors, Ram. Too old 
               for that crap. Let's give him a scare 

     J.D.'S TABLE

     An intrigued J.D. laconically answers the question.

               Probably just row on out to the middle 
               of a lake. Bring along my sax, some 
               tequila, and some Bach.


                                                                      p. 18

               How very.

     HEATHER CHANDLER breaks VERONICA's daze of admiration.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Come on.

                           VERONICA (TO J.D.)


     KURT and RAM move into the exiting VERONICA's place.

     RAM sticks his finger through a piece of pie on J.D.'s plate.

               You going to eat this?

               What did your boyfriend say when you 
               told him you were moving to Sherwood, 

               Answer him dick!

               Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have 
               a No Fags Allowed Rule?

               It seems to have an open door policy 
               for assholes though, doesn't it?

               What did you say dickweed?

               I'll repeat myself.

     J.D. gracefully stands, reaches into his coat, and pulls out 
     a .357 Magnum. He fires twice at the viewer.

17   EXT. THE SAWYER BACKYARD--DAY                                 17   

     Croquet wickets have been set up in standard form. VERONICA 
     and the HEATHERS stand at various positions in the yard 
     holding different colored mallets next to matching balls.

     HEATHER CHANDLER knocks her ball through the middle wicket.


                                                                      p. 19

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               God, they won't expell him. They'll 
               just suspend him for a week or 

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               He used a real gun. They should throw 
               his ass in jail.

               No way. He used blanks. All J.D.  
               really did was ruin two pairs of 
               pants...Maybe not even that...
               Can you bleach out urine stains?

     HEATHER CHANDLER knocks her red ball into HEATHER DUKE'S 
     green one.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               J.D.? You seem pretty amused. I 
               thought you were giving up on high 
               school guys.

               Never say never.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               What are you going to do, Heather?  
               Take the two shots or send me out?

     The Girls look to the doelike HEATHER DUKE with incredulous 

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Did you have a brain tumor for 
               breakfast? First you ask if you can 
               be red, knowing that I'm always red...

     HEATHER CHANDLER places her foot on her red ball. She swings 
     her mallet down hard on the red ball sending the adjacent 
     green one rocketing into a flower bed.

                           HEATHER DUKE

     HEATHER CHANDLER's next shot falls short of the next wicket.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
                    (to HEATHER DUKE)
               Damn. It's your turn Heather.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               No, it's Heather's turn.


                                                                      p. 20

     HEATHER MCNAMARA hits her ball through a wicket and squeals.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Anyway, I can say never to high 
               school. I've got David.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               King David.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Maybe when you hit maturity you'll 
               understand the diff between a 
               Remington University man like David 
               and a Westerburg boy like Ram "Wham-
               bam-thank-you-mama" Sweeney.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA misses her next shot.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Ram's sweet. Yo Heather, you're up.

     HEATHER DUKE tries to navigate a shot from the flower bed.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA (CONT'D)
               No way, no day!

               Give it up girl!

     As her friends howl, HEATHER DUKE slams her ball out of the 
     flower bed. The ball bounces off a tree and amazingly goes 
     through a wicket. HEATHER DUKE squeals in delight.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               Holy shit!

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               God, that was unbelievable!

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               What. A. Shot.

     HEATHER DUKE's next shot falls short of the next wicket.

     VERONICA begins setting up her shot.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               So tonight's the night. Are you two 

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               I'm giving Veronica her shot. Her 
               first Remington Party. Blow it tonight


                                                                      p. 21

                           HEATHER CHANDLER (CONT'D)
               girl and it's keggers with kids all 
               next year.

                    (missing her shot)
               Crap. So who's this Brad guy I've 
               been set up with? Witty and urbane 
               pre-lawyer or albino accountant?

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Don't worry. David says he's very so 
               he's very.

     HEATHER CHANDLER again hits her ball into HEATHER DUKE'S.

                           HEATHER DUKE

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Why not?

     HEATHER CHANDLER slams HEATHER DUKE's ball back into the 
     flower bed. VERONICA'S MOM calls out the back screen door.

               Heather, your Mother's here.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Come on whoever wants a ride.

     As the HEATHERS head into the house, VERONICA picks up HEATHER 
     DUKE'S ball and exuberantly throws it back toward the wickets.

     Veronica's MOM, carrying a tray of paté, and DAD, carrying a 
     Robert Ludlum book, place themselves around a patio table.

               Take a break Veronica, sit down.

               All right.

     VERONICA sinks into the empty middle deck chair.

               So what was the first week of Spring 
               Vacation withdrawl like?

               I don't know, it was okay, I guess.

               Hey kid, isn't the prom coming up?


                                                                      p. 22

               I guess.

               Any contestants worth mentioning?

               Maybe. There's kind of a dark horse 
               now in the running.

                    (looking up)
               Goddamn. Will somebody please tell 
               me why I read this spy crap.

               Because you're an idiot.

               Oh yeah, that's it.

     DAD immediately returns to reading with a wide grin.

                    (shaking her head)
               You two....

               Great paté, but I'm going to have to 
               motor if I want to be ready for the 
               party tonight.

18   EXT. OUTSIDE 7-11--NIGHT                                      18   

     A Volkswagen Cabriolet pulls up in front of a 7-11 with 
     HEATHER CHANDLER at the wheel. VERONICA pops out of the car, 
     into the store. HEATHER CHANDLER clamors to her.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Corn nuts!

19   INT. 7-11--NIGHT                                              19   

     Stylishly dressed-to-massacre, VERONICA reaches out to a bag 
     of Corn Nuts as J.D.'s off-screen voice disarms her.

                           J.D. (O.S.)
               You going to pull a Big Gulp with 


                                                                      p. 23

               No, but if you're nice I'll let you 
               buy me a Slurpee. You know your 7-
               11speak pretty well.

               I've been moved around all my life; 
               Dallas, Baton Rouge, Vegas, Sherwood 
               Ohio, there's always a 7-11. Any 
               town, any time, I can pop a Ham and 
               Cheese in the microwave and feast on 
               a Big Wheel. Keeps me sane.

               Really? That thing in the caf today 
               was pretty severe.

               The extreme always makes an 
               impression, but you're right, it was 
               severe. Did you say a Cherry or Coke 

               I didn't. Cherry.

     VERONICA smiles at her Coolness. J.D. returns the smile.

20   EXT. 7-11 PARKING LOT--NIGHT                                  20   

     VERONICA and J.D. slurp by J.D.'s ferocious motorcycle.

               Great bike.

     HEATHER CHANDLER sounds her car horn with a grimace. VERONICA 
     glares at her then turns back to J.D.

               Just a humble perk from my Dad's 
               Construction company or should I say 
               Deconstruction company?

               I don't know. Should you?

               My father seems to enjoy tearing 
               things down more than putting things 
               up.  Seen the commerical? "Bringing 
               every State to a Higher State."


                                                                      p. 24

               Time out....Jason Dean. Your Pop's 
               Big Bud Dean Construction. Must be 
               rough. Moving place to place.

               Everybody's life's got static. Is 
               your life perfect?

                    (gently joking)
               Sure, I'm on my way to a party at 
               Remington University.

     VERONICA grows serious as the car horn sounds again.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               It's not perfect. I don't really 
               like my friends.

               I don't really like your friends 

               It's like they're just people I work 
               with and our job is being popular 
               and shit.

               Maybe it's time for a vacation.

     The car horn blares again.

21   INT. DORMITORY ROOM--NIGHT                                    21   

     DAVID, Heather Chandler's fine looking college beau, leads 
     VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER into a cramped, eclectically 
     tacky dorm room. Music pounds the door.

     The semi-handsome BRAD chats atop a desk with BRAD'S FRIEND.

               Throw your coats on the bed, girls.

               That exam was so bogus.

                           BRAD'S FRIEND
               Oh I know. Which exam?

               Veronica, this is Brad.


                                                                      p. 25

               Excellent. Did you girls bring your 
               partying slippers?

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Yeah, let's party.

               She loves to party.

     As they head out the door, BRAD whispers something in BRAD'S 
     FRIEND's ear causing the pair to snarl off a laugh.

22   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                                22   

     The viewer is taken back and forth from a shattered post-
     party VERONICA to the traumatic dormitory party itself. The 
     sobbing monocoled VERONICA writes at her desk.

                           VERONICA (V.O.)
               Dear Diary, I want to kill and you 
               have to believe.....damn pen!

     VERONICA frenziedly scribbles, trying to get her pen to write. 
     She throws the pen across the room and pulls out another.

                           VERONICA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
               You have to believe it's for more 
               than selfish reasons. More than a 
               spoke in my menstrual cycle. You 
               have to believe me.

23   INT. DORMITORY HALLWAY--NIGHT                                 23   

     The chaotic hallway rumbles with beer cups and loud music.

     VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER's stylish garb clashes with 
     the laid-back dress of the COLLEGE STUDENTS.

     BRAD anxiously hands VERONICA a cup of beer as he watches 
     DAVID and HEATHER CHANDLER move through a staircase door.

               So, are you a cheerleader?

                    (dealing with a jerk)
               No, not at all.

               You're pretty enough to be one.

               Gee, thanks.


                                                                      p. 26

               It's so great to be able to talk to 
               a girl and not have to ask "What's 
               your major?" I hate that.

     They uncomfortably sip their beers. A deadly pause ensues.

                           BRAD (CONT'D)
               So when you go to college, what kind 
               of subjects do you think you'll study?

24   INT. DAVID'S DORM ROOM                                        24   

     HEATHER CHANDLER and DAVID sit on the latter's bed, surrounded 
     by a PC and a series of obnoxious Ferrari posters. They kiss.

     DAVID doing most of the work.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Come on David, let's go back to the 

                    (unzipping his pants)
               Don't worry, we will. You're just so 
               hot tonight. I can't control myself.

     DAVID pushes HEATHER CHANDLER's head down.

25   INT. DORM HALLWAY--NIGHT                                      25   

     BRAD has given up on conversation.

               So what do you say we head up to my 
               room and have a real party. I've got 
               the best Windham Hill C.D. collection 
               in the dorm.

     BRAD'S FRIEND approaches before VERONICA can show disgust.

                           BRAD'S FRIEND
               Brad-ley, Hennesey's looking for 
               you. He says he owes you for blow 
               and he just got some product himself.

               You're kidding. That pecker actually 
               scored something on his own?

                           BRAD'S FRIEND
                    (ambling off)
               He's in Sheila's room, big guy. Party 


                                                                      p. 27

               Excellent. Veronica, ever do cocaine?

               Ever since Phil Collins did that 
               anti-drug thing on MTV I refuse 

               Phil Collins? Are you sure he isn't 
               drinking and driving?

               Jeez, right, then why don't I do 

               Right. Hey, don't run away now.

     With a wink, BRAD squirms off. VERONICA dashes into the room 
     with the coats.

26   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                                26   

     VERONICA rampages through her diary.

                           VERONICA (V.O.)
               Seventeen is the last year Mom buys 
               the Twinkies. When you make the jump 
               from working weekends at Pizza Hut 
               to thirty years at I.B.M., you lose 
               something. Not innocence -- power.

     J.F.K. the cat jumps onto the Diary.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)

     VERONICA flings the screeching cat off and continues.

                           VERONICA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
               Christ, I can't explain it, but I'm 
               allowed an understanding that my 
               parents and these Remington University 
               assholes have chosen to ignore. I 
               understand I must stop Heather.

27   INT. DORM "COAT" ROOM--NIGHT                                  27   

     Panting, VERONICA collapses at a desk in the "coat" room. 
     She draws a Vodka bottle from a stockpile of liquor and pours 
     some in her beer cup, slouching down in her chair.


                                                                      p. 28

     VERONICA lights a match from a 7-11 matchbook. She eerily 
     brings her hand closer and closer to the fire until it 

     With an eek of pain, she tosses the match away into the Vodka 
     cup, setting it afire. VERONICA laughs to herself before 
     tossing the flaming cup out the window.

28   EXT. ALLEY OUTSIDE THE DORMITORY--NIGHT                       28   

     The flaming cup lands in a large rusted garbage can filled 
     with other cups and various refuse. The flames spread...

29   INT. DORMITORY BATHROOM--NIGHT                                29   

     A dejected HEATHER CHANDLER walks into a multi-mirror-and-
     sink bathroom. Using a glass off one of the sinks, she gargles 
     some water and then spits it at her own reflection.

30   INT. THE DORM "COAT" ROOM--NIGHT                              30   

     VERONICA closes the window as BRAD opens the door.

               How's my little cheerleader?  Now I 
               know everyone at your high school 
               isn't so uptight, come on.

               Hey really, I don't feel so great.

               Let's do it on the coats. It'll be 

     BRAD plops down onto the bed of coats and begins bouncing.

               I have a little prepared speech I 
               give when my suitor wants more than 
               I'd like to give him...  Gee Blank, 
               I had a nice...

               Save the speeches for Malcom X.  I 
               just wanna get laid.

               You don't deserve my fucking speech!

     VERONICA yanks up her coat from beneath BRAD on the bed 
     causing him to slide off onto the floor.


                                                                      p. 29

31   INT. DORM HALLWAY--NIGHT                                      31   

     VERONICA storms into the hallway but slows down when she 
     sees she's attracting attention. She notices an incited BRAD 
     slither to the smiling DAVID who chats with some STUDENTS, 
     HEATHER CHANDLER on his arm.

     BRAD causes DAVID's smile to ever-so-slightly diminish. DAVID 
     whispers to HEATHER CHANDLER who proceeds to set down her 
     beer and walk toward VERONICA.

32   EXT. DORMITORY ALLEY--NIGHT                                   32   

     The fire in the trashcan is raging.

33   INT. DORM HALLWAY--NIGHT                                      33   

     A steel faced HEATHER CHANDLER comes face-to-face with


                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               What's your damage? Brad says you're 
               being a real cooze.

               Heather, I feel awful, like I'm going 
               to throw up. Can we jam, please?

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               No. Hell no.

     VERONICA'S eyes fall shut in a near-faint. She flings herself 
     down off-screen with some ugly wretching sounds.

34   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                                34   

     VERONICA savagely scrawls in her diary, tears burning fierce.

                           VERONICA (V.O.)
               Betty Finn was a true friend and I 
               sold her out for a bunch of Swatchdogs 
               and Diet Cokeheads. Killing Heather'd 
               be like offing the Wicked Witch of 
               the West. Or is it East? West! I 
               sound like a psycho. Tomorrow I'll 
               be kissing her aerobicized ass but 
               tonight let me dream of a world 
               without Heather. A world where I am 


                                                                      p. 30

35   INT. DORM HALLWAY--NIGHT                                      35   

     VERONICA rises into view with tinges of vomit on her mouth. 
     A smile breaks across HEATHER CHANDLER's granite puss. 
     VERONICA runs off as STUDENTS laugh in the background.

36   EXT. DORMITORY ALLEY--NIGHT                                   36   

     VERONICA charges into the alley. She whips around to face a 
     screeching HEATHER CHANDLER. In back of VERONICA, the trashcan 
     bellows like Mt. Vesuvius.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               You stupid cunt!

               You goddamn bitch!

     The flickering flames cast HEATHER CHANDLER in a demonic 

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               You were nothing before you met me!  
               You were playing Barbies with Betty 
               Finn! You were a Brownie, you were a 
               Bluebird, you were a Girl Scout 
               Cookie! I got you into a Remington 
               Party! What's my thanks? It's on the 
               hallway carpet. I get paid in puke!

               Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
                    (totally in control)
               Monday morning, you're history. I'll 
               tell everyone about tonight. Transfer 
               to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson.  
               No one at Westerburg's going to let 
               you play their reindeer games.

37   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                                37   

     VERONICA flings her diary across the room where it hits the 
     wall behind the stunning figure of J.D. VERONICA gasps.

               Dreadful etiquette. I apologize.

                    (exhaling deeply)


                                                                      p. 31

               I saw the croquet set-up in the back.  
               Up for a match?

     VERONICA is simultaneously dismayed and exhilarated. She 
     seems ready to burst out all her anxieties but instead....

               Sure. But I'm Blue.

38   EXT. THE SAWYER BACKYARD--LATE NIGHT                          38   

     The viewer's viewpoint glides through the grass of Veronica's 
     backyard uncovering combinations of wickets and articles of 
     clothing. A pair of girls shoes and a pair of guys shoes 
     rest together by the first wicket.

                           J.D. (V.O.)
               Goddamn, no wonder you looked so 
               mangled when I came through the 

     Feminine socks and masculine socks lay crumpled by the next 

                           VERONICA (V.O.)
               I've always treated Heather's teen 
               queen power plays as bullshit.....

     As VERONICA quiveringly pauses, a stylish blouse and a rugged 
     shirt are revealed mingling by another wicket.

                           VERONICA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
               But I'm really scared. Who am I going 
               to eat lunch with on Monday? I sound 
               like an Afterschool Special.

     The viewer's viewpoint moves to a dress and a pair of jeans 
     resting side by side at another wicket.

                           J.D. (V.O.)
               That was my first game of Strip 
               Croquet, you know. I thank you.

                           VERONICA (V.O.)
               You're welcome. It's a lot more 
               interesting than just flinging off 
               your clothes and boning away on the 
               neighbor's swing set.

     VERONICA'S blue mallet has been staked into the ground. Her 
     panties hang on one end, J.D.'s underwear hangs on the other.


                                                                      p. 32

                           J.D. (O.S.)
               Well, I don't know. There's something 
               to be said for...Ouch!

     VERONICA and J.D. are finally revealed, entangled in an artful 
     pose upon J.D.'s gunslinger coat. They warmly kiss. VERONICA 
     breaks off to uneasily giggle.

               What a night.

     J.D. gently bites in to VERONICA's neck. VERONICA grooves on 
     it, closing her eyes tightly.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               What a life. I almost moved into 
               high school out of sixth grade because 
               I was some genius. We all decided to 
               chuck the idea because I'd have 
               trouble making friends, blah-blah-

     VERONICA slides her head down against J.D.'s chest and 
     gracefully rests on his lap. Gently fighting slumber, she 
     murmurs up to J.D., who showers her face with slow kisses.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               Now blah-blah-blah is all I do. I 
               use my grand I.Q. to figure out what 
               gloss to wear and how to hit three 
               keggers before curfew. Some genius.

               Heather Chandler is one bitch that 
               deserves to die.

               Killing her won't solve anything.

               A well-timed lightning bolt through 
               her window and Monday morning, all 
               the other heathers, shit, everybody 
               would be cast fucking adrift.

               Well then, I'll pray for rain.

               See the condoms in the grass over 
               there.  We killed tonight, Veronica.  
               We murdered our baby.


                                                                      p. 33

               Hey, it was good for me too, Sparky.

               Just saying it's not hard to end a 

               There's a big difference between the 
               most popular girl in the school and 
               dead sperm.

     They laugh. VERONICA maneuvers herself into a sitting 

               I guess I don't know what the hell 
               I'm talking about.

               I know exactly what the hell you're 
               talking about and you're right, you 
               don't know what the hell you're 
               talking about. Let's just grow up, 
               be adults, and die.

               Good plan.

               But before that, I'd like to see 
               Heather Chandler puke her guts out.

39   INT. HEATHER CHANDLER'S BEDROOM--DAY                          39   

     HEATHER CHANDLER's bedroom is lushly and expensively furnished 
     with a glass coffee table as an eye-catching centerpiece.

     HEATHER CHANDLER half-sleeps in twisted bedsheets as MRS. 
     CHANDLER'S VOICE attacks through the door.

                           MRS. CHANDLER (O.S.)
               We are leaving soon for your 
               grandmother's. If you care to join 

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Bag that.

                           MRS. CHANDLER (O.S.)
               Is that a "No" in your lingo?

     HEATHER CHANDLER gives the voice behind the door "the finger."


                                                                      p. 34

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Lingo this.

40   INT. THE CHANDLER KITCHEN--DAY                                40   

     The sound of a lock being jimmied is heard moments before 
     VERONICA and J.D. burst through the door.

               Trust me. She skips the Saturday 
               morning trip to Grandma's even when 
               she's not hungover.

               Then let's just concoct ourselves a 
               little hangover cure that'll induce 
               her to spew red, white, and blue.

     VERONICA opens the refrigerator. J.D. opens the cupboard 
     beneath the sink.

               What about orange juice and milk?  
               What's the upchuck factor on that?

     J.D. holds up a bottle of cleaning fluid.

               I'm a No Rust Build-up man, myself.

               Don't be a dick. That stuff'll kill 

     VERONICA and J.D. make queasy eye-contact. VERONICA descends 
     back into the refrigerator with some worked-up enthusiasm as 
     J.D. suavely pours bits of various toxic containers 
     (detergent, scouring powder) into a glass beer mug.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               O-kay. We'll cook up some soup and 
               put it in a Coke. Sick, eh? Now should 
               it be Chicken-Noodle or Bean-with-

               Man Veronica, pull the plug on that 
               shit. I say we go with Big Blue.

     J.D. raises the glass filled with what is now a strange blue 
     liquid. VERONICA stares at the glass, scared by her own 


                                                                      p. 35

               What are you doing?  You just can't 
               go.....Besides, she'd never drink 
               anything that looks like that.

               Okay we'll use this. She won't be 
               able to tell what she's drinking.

     J.D. pulls down a ceramic cup and triumphantly pours the 
     poisonously blue beer glass contents into it. An eerie pause 
     ensues. VERONICA takes out a milk carton and a container of 
     orange juice. She struts back to the counter in anger, icily 

               Just give me a cup, jerk.

     J.D. sheepishly pulls down an identical ceramic cup. VERONICA 
     tears it from him and pours some milk and then some orange 
     juice into the cup.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               Milk and orange juice. Hmmmm. Maybe 
               we could cough a phlegm globber in 
               it or something.

               Yeah, great.

     They both start coughing harshly.

               No luck? Well, milk and orange 
               juice'll do quite nicely. Quite 


               You're not funny.

     J.D. turns on his heel and slinks away. VERONICA glares down 
     at the mess of toxic containers.

     With both arms, VERONICA clumps the toxic containers together 
     and drops beneath the sink to put them away. J.D. swaggers 
     back into the kitchen as VERONICA bobs back into view.

               I'm sorry.


                                                                      p. 36

     J.D. kisses the back of her neck. VERONICA closes her eyes 
     with a grudging smile.


     VERONICA dreamily reaches out to one of the two ceramic cups.

     Not the one with milk and orange juice in it.

41   INT. HEATHER CHANDLER'S BEDROOM--DAY                          41   

     HEATHER CHANDLER angelically sleeps as VERONICA and J.D.  

               Morning, Heather.

     Like a lion, HEATHER CHANDLER rouses herself up.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Veronica. And Jesse James. Quelle 
               surprise. Hear about Veronica's 
               affection for regurgitation?

               We both said a lot of things we didn't 
               mean, last night.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Did we? How the hell'd you get in 

               Veronica knew you'd have a hangover.  
               So I whipped this up. Family recipe.

     J.D. holds out the ceramic cup. HEATHER CHANDLER snorts.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Did you put a phlegm globber in it 
               or something? I'm not drinking that 

               I knew this stuff would be too 

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Intense? Grow up. You think I'll 
               drink it just because you call me 

     They do. They're right.


                                                                      p. 37

                           HEATHER CHANDLER (CONT'D)
               Just give me the cup, jerk.

     HEATHER CHANDLER rises from the bed and struts to J.D. in 
     anger. She takes the cup, slams her head back and downs it 

     She then launches her head forward, her face contorted in 

                           HEATHER CHANDLER (CONT'D)
               Corn nuts!

     HEATHER CHANDLER'S eyes slam shut and her limp body crashes 
     through the glass coffee table. VERONICA and J.D. freeze.

               Something tells me you picked up the 
               wrong cup.

               No shit, sherlock. I can't believe 
               it. I just killed my best friend.

               And your worst enemy.

               Same difference. Oh jesus, I'm 

     VERONICA staggers to a desk. J.D. laughs out of shock.

               What are we going to tell the cops?  
               "Fuck it if she can't take a joke, 

               Stop kidding around. The police....oh 
               no, oh God....I can't believe this 
               is my life..I'm going to have to 
               send my S.A.T. scores to San Quentin 
               instead of Stanford.

               I'm just a little freaked, all right?

                           (A BEAT)
               You got what you wanted, you know.

               Don't say that!


                                                                      p. 38

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               It's one thing to want somebody out 
               of your life. It's another thing to 
               serve them a wake-up cup of Liquid 
               Drainer....Don't say....

     VERONICA stares off as J.D. paces like a caged animal. He 
     scopes onto the rubble of the shattered coffee table and 
     sees Cliff Notes for The Bell Jar plus a magazine proclaiming 

               We did a murder. In Ohio, that's a 
               crime.  But if this was like a suicide 

               Like a suicide thing?

               Adolescence is a period of life 
               fraught with anxiety and confusion.

                    (calming down)
               I can do Heather's handwriting as 
               well as my own.

     VERONICA takes some stationery from the desk and begins 
     writing, calling out her words.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               "You might think what I've done is 

               "To me though, suicide is the natural 
               answer to the myriad of problems 
               life has given me."

               That's good, but Heather would never 
               use the word "myriad."

               This is the last thing she'll ever 
               write. She'll want to cash in on as 
               many fifty-cent words as poss.

               She missed "myriad" on a vocab test 
               two weeks ago, all right?


                                                                      p. 39

               That only proves my point more. The 
               word is a badge for her failures at 

               You're probably right..."People think 
               just because you're beautiful and 
               popular, life is easy and fun. Nobody 
               understood I had feelings too."

               "I die knowing no one knew the real 

               That's good. Have you done this 

     VERONICA's smile dies as she looks to HEATHER CHANDLER'S 

42   INT. SCHOOL CONFERENCE ROOM--DAY                              42   

     At the head of a long conference table is the bearlike 
     PRINCIPAL GOWAN. Circling the table is the gray-haired but 
     savvy MRS. POPE, the yuppie black counselor PAUL HYDE, TWO 
     large DISCIPLINARIAN-TYPES, and most noticeably, the 
     eccentrically dressed MS. PAULINE FLEMING. Coats are in chairs 
     and cigarette smoke is in the air, as the group batters their 
     way through a morning mourning conference.

                           PRINCIPAL GOWAN
               Any other Principal would take the 
               same position. Keep things business 
               as usual.

                           COUNSELOR HYDE
               Heather Chandler's not your everyday 
               suicide. She was very popular.

                           PRINCIPAL GOWAN
               Come on Paul, I let the kids go before 
               lunch and the switchboard'll light 
               up like a Christmas Tree.

                           COUNSELOR HYDE
               The parents will be sympathetic, 
               sir.  These are troubled times for 
               the young.


                                                                      p. 40

                           MRS. POPE
               I must say I was impressed to see 
               that she made proper use of the word 
               "myriad" in her suicide note after 
               brutalizing it in a vocabulary test.

                    (dramatically cutting 
               I find it profoundly disturbing that 
               we are told of a tragic destruction 
               of youth and all we can talk about 
               is adequate mourning times and misused 
               vocabulary words.

     A collective sigh goes across the room.

                           PRINCIPAL GOWAN
               Oh Christ.

               The school, meaning both students 
               and teachers, must revel in this 
               revealing moment. I suggest we get 
               everyone into the cafeteria and just 
               talk. And feel. Together.

                           PRINCIPAL GOWAN
               Thank you, Ms. Fleming. Call me when 
               the shuttle lands... Now is this 
               Heather the cheerleader?

                           COUNSELOR HYDE
               That would be Heather Mcnamara.

                           PRINCIPAL GOWAN
               Damn. I'd be willing to go half a 
               day for a cheerleader.

                           MRS. POPE
               Let's just pack it in an hour early.

                           PRINCIPAL GOWAN
               Done. I hate Mondays.

43   INT. PAULINE FLEMING'S CLASSROOM--DAY                         43   

     The desks of the classroom have been maneuvered into an 
     amusingly chaotic position by PAULINE'S PUPILS. She is 

               I said a circle you imbeciles!


                                                                      p. 41

                           PAULINE (CONT'D)
               Forget it! Just sit down. I'm just 
               so thrilled to be given an example 
               of everything I've taught you. That 
               example is Heather Chandler. I have 
               the note!

     PAULINE melodramatically lifts the suicide note. The class 

                           MALE STUDENT

               I'll pass the suicide note around 
               the room so you can feel its tragic 
               beauty for yourself. Let us share 
               together the feelings the suicide 
               has spurred in us all. Who wants to 


     I heard it was really gnarly. She sucked down a bowl of multi-
     purpose deodorizing disinfectant then she smashed....

                           PAULINE (CONT'D)
               Now, now, we're not here to rehash 
               the coroner's report. Let's talk 

                           ALL-OUT NERD
               Are we going to be tested on this?

     A stunned PAULINE glares until preppie PETER DAWSON speaks.

     The note continues to be breathlessly passed around.

               Heather and I used to go together, 
               but she said I was boring. I realize 
               now I wasn't really boring. She was 
               just dissatisfied with her life.

               That's very good Peter.

     VERONICA lets out a laugh that she disguises as a sob by 
     putting her hands over her face.

                           PAULINE (CONT'D)
               Dear Veronica, Heather was your 


                                                                      p. 42

               Heather was cool, but cruel. The 
               good looks and bad manners gave her 
               power, but it could not give her 

     The class stares to VERONICA as the suicide note is passed 
     to her. She acknowledges it in horror, passes it on, then 
     continues, realizing her ability to create truths for a 
     captive audience.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               She realized the only way she could 
               be happy was to give up her power 
               and the only way she could do that 
               was Death.

     PAULINE cries. The PUPILS applaud. VERONICA queasily smiles.

44   INT. THE GIRLS LOCKER ROOM--DAY                               44   

     The GIRLS are finishing up putting on their clothes.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Oh God, it's so unfair. It's just so 
               unfair! We should get a whole week 
               off not just an hour.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               Write the School Board.

     HEATHER DUKE gnaws on a chicken leg as she speaks.

               Watch it, Heather. You could actually 
               be digesting food.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Yeah, where's your urge to purge?

                           HEATHER DUKE
               Fuck it.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA pulls a Swatch from one of the lockers.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Look, heather left behind one of her 
               Swatches. She'd want you to have it, 
               Veronica. She always said you couldn't 
               accessorize for shit.


                                                                      p. 43

     HEATHER MCNAMARA tosses the watch to a spooked VERONICA who 
     stands up and solemnly puts it on. The FEMALE STONER IN ARMY 
     JACKET stops next to their bench.

                           FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JACKET
               I'm sorry about your friend. I thought 
               she was your usual airhead bitch.  
               Guess I was wrong. Lot of us were.

     HEATHER DUKE bobs up from the world's largest sno-cone.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               What a waste.

     VERONICA zombiesquely moves into the shower area.

                           HEATHER DUKE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
               Oh the Humanity.

45   INT. THE SHOWER--DAY                                          45   

     VERONICA turns on a shower and lets the water spray against 
     her clothes.

46   INT. THE LOCKER ROOM--DAY                                     46   

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Veronica, what are you doing?

                           SQUEALING GIRL (O.S.)
               Everyone in the shower!

     TWO GIGGLING GIRLS run into the shower fully clothed. THREE 
     OTHERS follow suit. The HEATHERS look to each other, laugh, 
     and run in.

47   INT. THE GIRLS' COACH'S LOCKER ROOM OFFICE--DAY               47   

     Heavy Metalers MATT, CLYDE, and STEVE plus Geek RODNEY sneak 
     into a darkened room. Girls' laughter drifts in.

               Do I deliver or do I deliver?

               Hurry up, we're going to get caught.

               Mellow out Geek. Man, I never should 
               have brought you.

               Let's see some pussy!


                                                                      p. 44

     MATT pulls a curtain revealing a semi-overhead view of the 
     showering and clothed GIRLS.

48   INT. THE SHOWER--DAY                                          48   

     The GIRLS splash and spin in balletlike slow motion. VERONICA 
     stands facing the viewer, the Swatch noticeably attached.

49   INT. THE GIRLS' COACH'S LOCKER ROOM OFFICE--DAY               49   

     Cautiously quiet pandemonium.

               Does this have something to do with 
               menstrual cramps and shit?

               What the fuck?

               We're on Candid Camera, dudes. I can 
               feel it.

               What the fuck?

50   EXT. OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL--DAY                               50   

     Pulling their coats over their wet clothes, VERONICA and the 
     HEATHERS come out of the school.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               That was seriously warped, Veronica.


                           HEATHER DUKE
               T.V. cameras!

     In the distance, a T.V. CAMERA CREW is interviewing STUDENTS.

     HEATHER DUKE dashes toward them. HEATHER MCNAMARA freezes.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Oh God, Veronica. My hair! My clothes!

     HEATHER MCNAMARA moans, vibrates, then suddenly races toward 
     the cameras. VERONICA looks down at the soaked, stopped Swatch 
     on her arm. She takes it off and drops it in a neaby trashcan.


                                                                      p. 45

51   INT. THE DEAN LIVING ROOM--LATE AFTERNOON                     51   

     A massive T.V. set shows the image of HEATHER DUKE posed by 
     a tree, talking into a microphone.

                           HEATHER DUKE (T.V.)
               I choose to remember the good times.

     Like when we got our ears pierced at the mall.

     The image of HEATHER MCNAMARA sitting in the grass talking 
     into a microphone supersedes HEATHER DUKE's.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA (T.V.)
               I can still hear those late night 
               talks on the phone.

     The image of PETER DAWSON sitting on a rock comes on next.

                           PETER (T.V.)
               The day I won her that stuffed rhino 
               at the 4-H Fair, she said to me....

                           VERONICA (O.S.)
               You're an asshole! Mute him!

     VERONICA and J.D. are seen to be crashed on a couch. J.D.  
     pushes a button on the remote control, cutting the sound.


               Next channel, darling.

     The silent image of HEATHER DUKE on a staircase talking into 
     a microphone is on the screen.

                           VERONICA (O.S.) (CONT'D)
               Heather, how many networks did you 
               run to!

     Country Club Courtney appears wearing a T-shirt reading 

     VERONICA takes the remote and turns the sound on.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               Oh, I have to hear this.

                           COURTNEY (T.V.)
               In my heart, Heather's still alive.


                                                                      p. 46

                    (muting Courtney)
               What are you talking about?  She 
               hated you! You hated her!
                    (to J.D.)
               What are you smiling at?

               Heather Chandler is more popular 
               than ever now.

               Yeah. Scary stuff.

     J.D. suddenly looks away from VERONICA with a mischievous 
     half-smile. He inexplicably calls out.

               Why son, I didn't hear you come in.

     J.D.'s father BIG BUD DEAN, stands before them, handsome and 
     threatening in a shirt and tie. He is rather malevolently 
     holding a rowing machine.

                           BIG BUD DEAN
               Hey Dad, how was work today?

     BIG BUD slams down his rowing machine and straddles it before 
     answering his own question. He rows as he speaks. The Brady 
     Bunch sputters on the T.V. screen before him.

                           BIG BUD DEAN (CONT'D)
               It was miserable. Some damn tribe of 
               withered old bitches doesn't want us 
               to terminate that fleabag hotel. All 
               because Glenn Miller and his band 
               once took a shit there. It's just 
               like Kansas. Do you remember fucking 

               That was the one with wheat right?

                           BIG BUD DEAN
               The Save the Memorial Oak Tree 
               Society. Showed those fucks.

     J.D. turns to VERONICA with a bemused smile.

               Thirty Fourth of July fireworks 
               attached to the trunk. Arraigned but 


                                                                      p. 47

                           BIG BUD DEAN
               Fucking Kansas. Gosh Pop, I almost 
               forgot to introduce my girlfriend.

               Veronica, Dad. Dad, Veronica.


     VERONICA, with a forced smile, reaches to shaked BUD's hand.

     He extends his hand but makes no effort to stop rowing hence 
     his hand pulls away from VERONICA. Pop and son laugh.

               Jason, why don't you ask your little 
               friend to stay for dinner.

                    (awkwardly standing)
               My Mom's making my favorite meal 
               tonight. Spaghetti. Lots of oregano.

               Nice. The last time I saw my Mom, 
               she was waving out the window of a 
               library in Texas. Right, Dad?

     BIG BUD DEAN stops rowing to grin a You-Think-You're-Tougher-
     Than-Me-But-You're-Not smile to J.D.

                           BIG BUD DEAN
               Right, son.


52   EXT. THE SAWYER PATIO--DUSK                                   52   

     Just as in the earlier patio scene, DAD and MOM SAWYER are 
     seated at a patio table with an empty chair between them. 
     Pate is on the table. DAD smokes a cigarette.

               Take a break Veronica, sit down.

     VERONICA walks into view and sits down.

               All right.


                                                                      p. 48

               So what was the first day after 
               Heather's suicide like?

               I don't know, it was okay, I guess.

               Terrible thing. So will we get to 
               meet this dark horse prom contender?


                    (looking at his 
               Goddamn. Will somebody please tell 
               me why I smoke these damn things?

               Because you're an idiot.

               Oh yeah, that's it.

     DAD immediately takes another drag with a wide grin.

                    (shaking her head)
               You two....

               Greate Paté, but I'm going to have 
               to motor if I want to be ready for 
               the funeral tomorrow.

53   INT. HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM--DAY                          53   

     A montage commences showing the HEATHERS preparing for the 
     funeral. HEATHER MCNAMARA models an all-black outfit in front 
     of a dressing table mirror. She storms away, pouting.

54   INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM--DAY                              54   

     Bobbing up from a fashion magazine whose cover story is 
     FUNERAL CHIC, HEATHER DUKE finishes applying black lipstick.  
     A look of horror passes over her face and she savagely scrubs 
     her lips.


                                                                      p. 49

55   INT. CHURCH--DAY                                              55   

     A MORTICIAN puts the finishing touches on HEATHER CHANDLER, 
     smoothing out her clothes and buffing her face. He gently 
     kisses her forehead then quickly rebuffs the spot.

56   INT. HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM--DAY                          56   

     HEATHER MCNAMARA models another black outfit. She responds 
     this time with a satisfied smile.

57   INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM--DAY                              57   

     Traditionally made up, a smiling HEATHER DUKE brings a 
     crucifix earring to her ear and attaches it.

58   INT. CHURCH--DAY                                              58   

     HEATHER CHANDLER serenely lies in a coffin as FATHER RIPPER 
     bellows off-screen. A panorama of ADULTS and STUDENTS is 
     revealed at this more social than spiritual event. VERONICA 
     and J.D. watch from the back pew.

                           FATHER RIPPER (O.S.)
               I blame not Heather but rather a 
               society that tells its youth that 
               the answers are on the MTV video 
               games. We must pray the other 
               teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, know 
               the name of that "righteous dude" 
               who can solve their problems....

     The bald FATHER RIPPER finally comes into view.

                           FATHER RIPPER (CONT'D)
               It's Jesus Christ and he's in the 

59   KNEELING PODIUM BEFORE COFFIN--LATER                          59   

     BETTY FINN is kneeling before HEATHER CHANDLER'S open coffin.

     The viewer hears what she is thinking.

                           BETTY (V.O.)
               May Heather Chandler rest in peace 
               even though she committed suicide.

     BETTY FINN makes the sign of the cross, rises, and exits.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA takes her place on the kneeling podium.


                                                                      p. 50

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA (V.O.)
               Oh God, this is a tragic thing and 
               sometimes I have a hard time dealing 
               with it and stuff. Please send Heather 
               to heaven and all that. Thanks. I 
               mean, Amen.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA exits and PETER DAWSON moves in her place.

                           PETER (V.O.)
               Dear God, make sure this never happens 
               to me. I do not think I could handle 
               suicide and that's the God's honest 
               truth. Pardon the pun. Fast-early-
               and-please-let-it-be-Harvard. Amen.

     PETER flees and RAM uncomfortably takes his place.

                           RAM (V.O.)
               Jesus God in heaven, uh, why did you 
               kill such hot snatch. That's a joke, 
               man. People are so serious.
                    (a beat)
               Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven, 
               pray for us sinners....so we don't 
               get caught. Another joke, man.

     RAM clumsily exits. HEATHER DUKE solemnly kneels in his place.

                           HEATHER DUKE (V.O.)
               I prayed for the death of Heather 
               Chandler many times and I felt bad 
               every time I did, but I kept doing 
               it anyway. Now I know you understood 
               everything. Praise Jesus. Alleluia.

     HEATHER DUKE departs and VERONICA kneels in her place.

                           VERONICA (V.O.)
               Hi. I'm sorry. Technically I didn't 
               kill Heather Chandler but hey, who 
               am I trying to kid, right? I just 
               want my high school to be a nice 
               place. Amen. Did that sound bitchy?

60   CHURCH LOBBY                                                  60   

     HEATHER MCNAMARA dips a big comb in the holy water basin and 
     then combs out her hair. VERONICA breezes by.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Veronica. What are you doing tonight?


                                                                      p. 51

               Mourning. Maybe watch some T.V. Why?

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Ram asked me out, but he wants to 
               double with Kurt and Kurt doesn't 
               have a date.

               Heather, I've got something going 
               with J.D.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Please Veronica. Put Billy the Kid 
               on hold tonight, I'll never forget 

61   EXT. CHURCH PARKING LOT--DAY                                  61   

     KURT KELLY and RAM stand by RAM'S van.

               We on tonight, man?

               I still got to talk to Heather, dude. 
               Weird funeral, huh?

               Pretty weird.

     Geeks RODNEY and BRACES thrust by KURT and RAM. BRACES 
     obliviously steps on KURT's foot.

                           KURT (CONT'D)
               That pudwapper just stepped on my 

               Let's kick his ass.

               Cool off, we're seniors.

               Goddamn Geek!

     BRACES gives them "the finger".

                    (awkwardly defiant)
               Sit and spin.

     KURT and RAM turn to each other more amused than angered.


                                                                      p. 52

               That little prick.

     The bolting Jocks effortlessly catch BRACES and put him into 
     a hunched-over position. The other Geeks look on, ashamed.

                           KURT (CONT'D)
               All right you piece of shit fag, do 
               you like to suck big dicks?

               Cut it out!

     RAM pushes BRACES down harder.

               Say it man. Say I like to suck big 

               Leave him alone, Kurt.

     J.D. rides by on his motorcycle. He turns to watch KURT, 
     wearing an overwhelmingly tinted motorcycle helmet that reads 
     THE TRUE KILLER across the top. KURT is spooked.

                           RAM (O.S.)
               Say it!

               Okay, okay, you like to suck big 

     Unamused, RAM throws BRACES to the ground. BRACES semi-cries.

                           BRACES (CONT'D)
               I like to suck big dicks. Mmm-mm!  I 
               can't get enough of them. Satisfied?

               I'm sure your friends are happy to 
               hear that.
                    (with a lisp)
               Right, guys?


     VERONICA and HEATHER MCNAMARA sashay through the parking 

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Don't worry, Ram's been so sweet 
               lately, consoling me and stuff.  
               It'll be really very. Promise.


                                                                      p. 53

     Moving into the background, BRACES wipes dirt and blood off 
     his face as his friends glumly watch on.

               All right, but I hope it isn't going 
               to be one of those nights where they 
               get shitfaced and take us to a pasture 
               to tip cows.

62   EXT. COW PASTURE--NIGHT                                       62   

     A COW stands sleeping. Giggling and drunk, KURT and RAM 
     scramble around the COW. Uncomfortable and sober, VERONICA 
     and HEATHER MCNAMARA look on.

               Is it sleeping, dude?

               I think so, man.

               Then get over on my side. Oh shit, 
               cowtipping is the fucking greatest.

               Punch it in!

     KURT and RAM slam their knuckles and then lean against the 
     COW, poised to shove. HEATHER MCNAMARA manages a smile but 
     VERONICA glares it away.

               Count of three, guy.

                           KURT AND RAM
               One. Two. Three!

     An O.S. Moo and the Jocks' laughter is heard as mud splashes 
     against the mortified faces of VERONICA and HEATHER MCNAMARA.


     KURT stumbles after a more annoyed than scared VERONICA.

               "When I get that feeling, I need 
               sexual healing....."

               Yeah, right, asshole.


                                                                      p. 54

     VERONICA makes her way up a hill, pausing to compassionately 
     stare at RAM on top of a dispirited HEATHER MCNAMARA. KURT's 
     intoxicated brain has trouble dealing with the incline.

     Majestically, J.D. appears at the top of the hill. KURT 
     squints up the hill and falls over backwards.

               What is this shit?

               I'm doing a favor for Heather. A 
               double date. I tried to tell you at 
               the funeral but you rode off.

                    (still face down)
               "Feel like making bah da dah bah da 
               dah, feel like making love."

               Another fucking Heather.
                    (harshly laughs)
               I'm sorry. I'm feeling kind of 
               superior tonight. Seven high schools 
               in seven states and the only thing 
               different was my locker combination. 
               We've broke through the peer pressure 
               cooker. So what if we had to kill 
               Miss Popularity..

     VERONICA clumsily high heels it up the hill.

               So what? Don't smile like that, Jesus!

               Our love is God. Let's get a Slurpee.

     J.D. solemnly reaches toward VERONICA. She, less solemn, 
     takes his hand. Their bodies disappear over the hill.

               "And she's buying the stairway to 

63   INT. NEWSPAPER/YEARBOOK WORKSHOP--DAY                         63   

     In a cluttered school workshop, Editor DENNIS and YEARBOOK 
     GIRL ALISON confer over a layout sheet. Alison wears a walkman 
     and BIG FUN T-shirt. PETER DAWSON pouts behind them.


                                                                      p. 55

               I'm not belittling the Foodless Fund, 
               Peter, but we're talking teen suicide!

     Ask Alison here, the number one song right now is "Teenage 
     Suicide (Don't Do It)" by BigFun. Jesus man, Westerburg 
     finally got one of these things and I'm not going to blow 

               Great. Heather gets the headline and 
               I get crammed in by the Taco Bell 

     VERONICA breezes in.

               Hi Guys. I came to check on this 
               week's lunchtime poll topic.

               Don't worry about it, Veronica, sit 
               down. That funeral yesterday must 
               have been really rough.

               Oh. Sure.

               We were, uh, wondering if maybe you 
               had some poems or artwork that Heather 
               did that we could put in the Heather 
               Chandler yearbook spread?

               The what?

               Take a look. We'll have a two page 
               layout with her suicide note up here 
               in the right hand corner. It's more 
               tasteful than it sounds.

     Country Club COURTNEY and COURTNEY'S FRIEND come in giggling 
     and whispering. Seeing VERONICA, they stop dead, then slide 
     into chairs, laughing softly.

               I don't know. This thing leaves a 
               bad taste in my mouth.

               Like last night, Veronica?


                                                                      p. 56

     COURTNEY and COURTNEY'S FRIEND explode in laughter.

               I'm sorry? I don't get it.

               You did last night. Kurt told us of 
               your little date.

               Yeah. And? I left him drunk and 
               flailing in cowshit.

               I don't know. He was really detailed.

               Shut up, Courtney.

               Don't shut up. I'd like to know just 
               what I did.

                    (gesturing to the 
               Let me show you that lunchtime poll 
               topic, Veronica.

64   INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE WORKSHOP--DAY                            64   

     PETER tells VERONICA.

               I rarely listen to Neanderthals like 
               Kurt Kelly bu-ut he said you were 
               bent over like a coffee table with 
               Kurt going in one end and Ram coming 
               in the other. Pardon the pun.

               Pardon the pun. Son-of-a-bitch.

     Dizzy, VERONICA hands a clump of dollar bills to PETER.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               Thanks Pete, for the Foodless Fund.

     PETER cheerfully pockets the cash as VERONICA drifts off.

65   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                                65   

     VERONICA arousingly speaks into her phone.


                                                                      p. 57

               Hi, Kurt? This is Veronica Sawyer. I 
               didn't expect to be calling either. 
               I guess my emotions took over. I was 
               wondering if you wanted all those 
               things you've been saying to really 
               happen. It's always been a fantasy 
               of mine to have two guys at once... 
               Sure, you can write Penthouse Forum.

     Revealed to be lounging on her bed, J.D. laughs out loud.

     VERONICA throws a book at him.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               That's right. In the woods behind 
               the school. At Dawn. And don't forget 

66   INT. THE KELLY KITCHEN--NIGHT                                 66   

     KURT hangs up with an amazed expression on his face.


67   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                                67   

     VERONICA and J.D. load guns on VERONICA's bed. VERONICA breaks 
     into a laugh.

               I don't get the point of me writing 
               a suicide note when we'll just be 
               shooting them with blanks.

               Get crucial. We won't be using blanks 
               this time.

               You can't be serious? Hey listen, my 
               Bonnie-and-Clyde days are over.

     VERONICA drops her gun in revulsion and launches off her 

     With a patient smile, J.D. pulls her back down.

               Do you take German?



                                                                      p. 58

     J.D. flicks open his gun and pulls a bullet from the chamber.

               These are Ich Luge bullets. My 
               grandfather snared a shitload of 
               them in W.W. Two. They're like 
               tranquilizers only they break the 
               surface of the skin, enough to cause 
               blood, but not any real harm.

               So it looks like the person's been 
               shot and killed when they're really 
               just unconscious and bleeding.

     J.D. nods then stands to pace the room, his mind whirring.

               We shoot Kurt and Ram. Make it look 
               like they shot each other. By the 
               time Kurt and Ram regain 
               consciousness, they'll be the 
               laughingstock's of the school. The 
               note's the punchline.  How'd it turn 

     VERONICA clumsily extracts the note from her purse. She also 
     plucks out the crumpled yellow sample of Kurt's handwriting 
     of the opening note-forge scene. She proudly displays both 

               First tell me this similarity is not 

               Incredible similarity.

     VERONICA pulls back the note and reads.

               Ram and I died the day we realized 
               we could never reveal our forbidden 
               love to an uncaring and 
               ununderstanding world.  The joy we 
               shared in each other's arms was 
               greater than any touchdown. Yet we 
               were forced to live the lie of Sexist-
               Beer Guzzling-Jock-Asshole.


                                                                      p. 59


               Exquisite, but I don't think 
               ununderstanding is a word.

               We don't want to make them out to be 
               too secretly eloquent. Why would the 
               Germans invent a bullet that doesn't 
               kill people? I mean it was World War 
               Two, not a school play.

               They used them on themselves to make 
               it look like they were dead.  Really 
               quite a brilliant device, but too 
               flamboyant to seriously produce.

               Neat. Let's try it out on J.F.K.

     VERONICA swiftly picks up her gun and aims it at the lovable 
     tabby entering the room. J.D. rips it away from her.

               It doesn't work on small animals!


               Uh well hey, let's take a look at 
               the homosexual artifacts I dug up to 
               plant at the scene. Now prepare to 
               be a little disappointed.

     J.D. lifts up a feminine shopping bag and gently dumps the 
     contents on the bed.

                           J.D. (CONT'D)
               We've got an issue of Stud Puppy, a 
               candy dish, a Joan Crawford post 
               card, and some mascara.

               You must have had fun.

               You know it. Oh man, I almost forgot.  
               The one perfecto thing I picked up...


                                                                      p. 60

     J.D. reaches in both his coat pockets and triumphantly raises 
     out two bottles of Perrier water.

                           J.D. (CONT'D)
               Perrier water!

               Oh come on. Lots of people drink 
               Perrier. It's come a long way.

               This is Ohio. If you don't have a 
               brewsky in your hand you might as 
               well be wearing a dress.

               Oh, you're so smart. How about a 
               little heterosexuality before we go?

     J.D. laughs then climbs onto VERONICA for a hugging kiss.

68   EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT--DAWN                                 68   

     A tense KURT and an excited RAM, playing air guitar, walk 
     through the misty parking lot toward the woods.

               Sex and Drugs and HBO is all I ever 
               need! Whoa! Can you hear me! Hello 
               Tokyo! I said Sex and Drugs and...

               Shut the fuck up, all right.

               Lighten up, dude. In those woods is 
               some of the finest pussy in the school 
               and we don't even have to buy it a 
               hamburger and a Diet Coke. What a 
               way to start the day! Punch it in!

     KURT feebly slams knuckles with RAM.

69   EXT. CLEARING IN THE WOODS--DAWN                              69   

     VEONICA stands in the middle of a clearing in the woods. She 
     nervously tucks the gun in the back of her dress as KURT and 
     RAM emerge into the clearing from a path in the woods.

               Hi Veronica.


                                                                      p. 61

                    (forced cheerfulness)
               Hi Guys. Glad you could make it.

     RAM smacks his hands together.

               So do we just start fucking?

               I've made a circle on each end of 
               the clearing. Ram, you come over 

     KURT steps into the scratched-in-the-dirt circle next to 
     him.  A confused RAM walks past VERONICA and steps into a 
     circle at the opposite end of the foggy clearing.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               When you get in the circle, strip. 

     The guys pause, then slowly start taking off their clothes.

               What about you?

               I was hoping you'd rip my clothes 
               off me, sport.

               Oh. Good idea.

     KURT and RAM awkwardly stand at opposite ends in their undies.

               Count of three, guys.

     RAM giggles in anticipation.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)

     KURT finally cracks a smile.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)

     J.D. suddenly moves next to VERONICA holding a gun in his 
     right hand and the feminine shopping bag in his left.



                                                                      p. 62

     J.D. almost non-chalantly shoots RAM in the forehead. VERONICA 
     rips out her gun and swings it toward KURT. Using both hands, 
     she fires, but misses completely. KURT runs away onto the 
     path. VERONICA throws down her gun with a smile.


     J.D. races to VERONICA in a white sweat.

               Did you miss him completely?

               Yeah, but don't worry, it was worth 
               it just to see the look on....

               Don't move! I'll get him back!

     VERONICA's laughter cuts off like a faucet. Suddenly trembling 
     and confused, she watches J.D. bolt into the woods.


     A panicked KURT runs on the path through the woods.


     J.D., with a cold efficiency, weaves through trees and fog.


     VERONICA turns toward Ram's collapsed body.


     KURT sees the opening at the end of the woods. J.D. suddenly 
     moves into the opening and raises his gun. KURT runs back...


     VERONICA approaches Ram's body with increasing shivers. He 
     does not look bleeding and unconscious. He looks bleeding 
     and dead, dead, dead.

     KURT barrels into the clearing as J.D. howls from the woods.

                           J.D. (CONT'D)

     In a burst of frightened, animal instinct, VERONICA whips 
     around and fires her gun right into KURT's chest.


                                                                      p. 63

70   INT. SQUAD CAR IN SCHOOL PARKING LOT--DAWN                    70   

     Two cops, MILNER and McCORD, smoke marijuana in a squad car 
     already filled with smoke. After a coughing fit, MILNER 

               I heard it that time!


               Another gunshot! From the woods!

               Shit, let's roll.

     The two officer explode out of the car.

71   EXT. THE CLEARING--DAWN                                       71   

     J.D. puts his gun in RAM's right hand while VERONICA 
     zombiesquely does the same with KURT and her gun.

               Kurt doesn't look too good.

               Remember he's left-handed.

     A quivering VERONICA puts the gun in KURT's left hand.

                           MILNER (O.S.)
               Keep going until you hit the clearing!

     J.D.'s head snaps forward. He yanks up VERONICA. They both 
     run into the woods behind RAM's body as the two Cops charge 
     into the clearing, guns raised. Seeing the Jocks, they stop.

               Mother of Shit!

               Call in!

     MILNER looks toward where VERONICA and J.D. ran out.

                           MILNER (CONT'D)
               I heard something out there. I'm 
               checking it out.

     MILNER runs off as McCORD shouts into a walkie-talkie. He is 
     holding the pulse of KURT KELLY.


                                                                      p. 64

               This is Officer McCord and I've got 
               two dead bodies in the woods behind 
               Westerburg High. Oh my God, one of 
               them's Kurt Kelly, the quarterback.

72   EXT. IN THE WOODS--DAWN                                       72   

     VERONICA and J.D. flow through thick trees. An Owl hoos.

73   EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE WOODS--DAWN                          73   

     MILNER blindly barrels through the dense, foggy woods.

74   EXT. JUST OUTSIDE THE WOODS--DAWN                             74   

     VERONICA and J.D. come out of the woods and race up a dew 
     drenched hill toward VERONICA's car which is parked on top.


75   EXT. IN THE WOODS--DAWN                                       75   

     MILNER is jolted by an OWL-HOO, then continues moving.

76   EXT. THE HILL--DAWN                                           76   

     VERONICA and J.D. reach the car, panting.

     MILNER races out of the woods just as VERONICA and J.D. slam 
     the car doors closed behind them. MILNER huffs up the hill.

77   INT. THE SAWYER CAR--DAWN                                     77   

     VERONICA and J.D. somersault into the backseat and begin 
     taking off their clothes.

78   EXT. THE HILL--DAWN                                           78   

     MILNER continues to move up the hill.

79   INT. THE SAWYER CAR--DAWN                                     79   

     VERONICA and J.D., stripped down to their underwear, embrace.

80   EXT. OUTSIDE THE CAR--DAWN                                    80   

     MILNER approaches the car and peers in. His crackling walkie- 
     talkie startles him.

                           MCCORD (O.S./WALKIE-TALKIE)
               Milner, can you hear me? What's going 


                                                                      p. 65

     MILNER moves away from the car, then speaks into his walkie-

               Think what I heard was just a stinking 
               owl. All I got is two kids making 
               out in the backseat of a car. Should 
               I pry them apart?

               Forget it. I got all the answers 
               back here, partner. Boy, kids today 
               sure start in early. Hey, are they 

     MILNER sighs, and clicks off his walkie-talkie.

81   INT. THE SAWYER CAR--DAWN                                     81   

     Seeing the cop move away. VERONICA and J.D. stop kissing. 
     They catch their breath, smile, then continue passionately 

82   EXT. THE CLEARING--DAWN                                       82   

     MILNER runs back into the clearing.

               What's the deal?

               Suicide. Double Suicide. They shot 
               each other.

               That's Kurt Kelly!

               Yeah, and the linebacker, Ram Sweeney.

               Oh my God, suicide? Why?

               Does this answer your question?

     McCORD reaches in the feminine shopping bag and pulls out 
     the bottles of Perrier water.

               Oh man, they were fags!


                                                                      p. 66

               Listen up, "We could never reveal 
               our forbidden love to an uncaring 
               and ununderstanding world."

               Ah Jesus H. Fuck. Kurt was a Sherwood 
               Sunday Insert Honorable Mention...

     MILNER shakes his head slowly then suddenly looks up.

                           MILNER (CONT'D)
               Wait a second. How did they shoot 
               each other if we heard two separate 
               sets of gunshots?

               I always hear gunshots when I'm high 
               before noon. Life's a crazy bitch.  
               Don't try to analyze it. The 
               quarterback buggering the linebacker. 
               What a waste.

               Oh the humanity.

83   INT. SCHOOL CONFERENCE ROOM--MORNING                          83   

     Another morning mourning conference. The participants look a 
     little more frazzled. PAULINE sits at the head of the table.

                           COUNSELOR HYDE
                    (sotto voce to Mrs. 
               After every touchdown or whatever, 
               they give each other a little slap 
               on the bottom. It seems innocent...

                           PAULINE (O.S.)
               Shut up.

     The elderly MRS. POPE shakes her head at the suicide note.

                           MRS. POPE
               Look at this. "Ununderstanding."

               Will you shut up! We were in a similar 
               position Monday and I thoughtfully 
               suggested that we get the students 
               together for an unadulterated 
               emotional outpouring.


                                                                      p. 67

                           PAULINE (CONT'D)
               You took the suggestion as an 
               opportunity to play yet another round 
               of "Let's laugh at the Hippie."

                           COUNSELOR HYDE
               Pauline, if you want a tryout for 
               the school play....

     PRINCIPAL GOWAN hoarsely breaks in.

                           PRINCIPAL GOWAN
               Shut up, Paul. I've seen a lot of 
               bullshit--angel dust, switchblades, 
               sexually perverse photography exhibits 
               involving tennis racquets, but this 
               suicide thing....I guess it's all on 
               Pauline's wavelength.  We're just 
               going to write off today, and Friday 
               she can do her little little love-in 
               or whatever. Whatever.

84   EXT. STUDENT PARKING LOT--MORNING                             84   

     VERONICA's car is the lone vehicle in the student parking 

     Slowly other cars begin to filter in, including a rumbling 
     heap-flu of Heavy Metalers.

85   INT. THE SAWYER CAR--MORNING                                  85   

     The Heavy Metaler Heap's obnoxious muffler causes a sleeping 
     VERONICA's eyes to snap open in bug-eyed sweat. Mentally 
     wounded, she climbs into the front seat, pulling on her 
     blazer. She presses in the car cigarette lighter. J.D.  
     rumbles from the back as more cars begin to fill the lot.

               We killed them, didn't we?

               Of course.

     VERONICA tugs out the car lighter and savagely brands the 
     palm of her hand. J.D. hurdles into the front seat and bats 
     the lighter away. He lights a cigarette off the scorched 
     flesh of VERONICA's hand as she wails away.

               Ich Luge bullets! I'm an idiot!

     J.D. drags on his cigarette. School buses are pulling in 
     outside of the parking lot, in front of the school.


                                                                      p. 68

               You believed it because you wanted 
               to believe it. Your true feelings 
               were too gross and icky for you to 

               I did not want them dead.

               Did too.

               Did not.

               Did too.

               Did not.

     J.D. launches into a rapid-fire rendition of "did-too's".

     VERONICA responds by holding her hands over her ears and 
     singing "Mary had a Little Lamb." J.D.'s "Did-too's" get 
     louder causing VERONICA to bang on the horn.

86   EXT. PARKING LOT--DAY                                         86   

     HEATHER DUKE and a vegged out HEATHER MCNAMARA stop sauntering 
     through the parking lot to contemplate Veronica's hiccuping 
     car and its sparring occupants.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               Ah, young love.

     COURTNEY bounds up to the Heathers.

                           SQUEELING GIRL #1
               Did you hear?  School's cancelled 
               today because Kurt and Ram killed 
               themselves in a repressed homosexual 
               suicide pact.

                           HEATHER DUKE
                    (incredulous, but 
               No way!

87   INT. THE SAWYER CAR--DAY                                      87   

     J.D. pulls VERONICA off the horn and warmly places an unlit 
     cigarette in her mouth. As he speaks, VERONICA wearily takes 
     the cigarette from her mouth and puts it in her blazer pocket.


                                                                      p. 69

               Football season's over, Veronica. 
               Kurt and Ram had nothing to offer 
               the school but date-rapes and A.I.D.S. 

                    (looking to her burnt 
               Sure. Can we make an ice run before 
               the funeral?

     STUDENTS head back to their cars and the Buses pull back 

88   INT. CHURCH--DAY                                              88   

     A typically John Waynesque Jock's Father-type, MR. KELLY, 
     stands over his son's open coffin. KURT wears a black football 
     helmet. FATHER RIPPER watches on with various ADULTS, 

                           MR. KELLY
               If there's any way you can hear me, 
               Kurt buddy, I don't care that you 
               really were some pansy. You're my 
               flesh-and-blood. You made me proud.  
               I love my homosexual son. My son's 
               gay and I love him!

     In dark sunglasses, VERONICA wearily leans over to J.D.

               Your son's dead and you love him.

               How do you think Mr. Kelly would 
               react to a son with a limp wrist 
               with a pulse?

     They quietly laugh. VERONICA sees a LITTLE GIRL staring at 
     her. She is wearing Kurt's football jersey and her face is 
     soaked in tears. VERONICA's smile turns into a nauseated 

89   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM FLOOR--NIGHT                          89   

     VERONICA lies next to a Vodka bottle, drinking out of a Dixie 
     cup. She turns off her blaring radio to speak on the phone.

                           D.J. (RADIO)
               As you know, the Sherwood Teen Suicide 
               tote is up to three. Here's one for


                                                                      p. 70

                           D.J. (RADIO) (CONT'D)
               Kurt and Ram, BigFun with Teenage 
               Suicide, Don't Do It....

               Hello J.D.? No, it's okay, I just 
               kind of wanted to talk...Oh, a 
               newsmagazine show on Channel 16. 
               Really? On the suicides. No, sounds 
               great. Bye.

     VERONICA hangs up and looks to her battered diary lying 
     against the wall. She crawls to the diary and then reaches 
     up to her night table to pull down her monocle and a pen.

     She sucks a cup of Vodka and begins writing.

                           VERONICA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
               Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit 
               now has a body count.

     Sitting up against her bed, VERONICA continues writing as 
     J.F.K. laps up Vodka from the Dixie cup.

                           VERONICA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
               The most popular people in the school 
               are dead. Everybody's sad, but it's 
               a good kind of sad. Suicide gave 
               Heather depth, Kurt a soul, Ram a 
               brain. I gave J.D. shit about the 
               Ich Luge thing but what really 
               frightens me is that I'm not 
               frightened by what J.D.'ll do next. 
               It's God versus my boyfriend and 
               God's losing....

     VERONICA drops her head back and closes her eyes, popping 
     out her monocle. She swoons down against the bed onto the 
     floor and curls into a fetal slumber.

90   INT. THE CAFETERIA--DAY                                       90   

     STUDENTS eat and buzz together in typical cacophony. All are 
     wearing black armbands. A jukebox roars.

     PAULINE FLEMING and an entourage of STUDENTS such as PETER 
     DAWSON and the HEATHERS invade the cafeteria, heads raised 

               Peter, kill the jukebox.

     As the music amusingly grinds to a halt, PAULINE hoists up a 
     bullhorn to her lips and crackles...


                                                                      p. 71

                           PAULINE (CONT'D)
               Could I have your attention?

     A startled Geek RODNEY splatters milk all over himself.

     STUDENTS whip their heads around to the front of the 

     MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK warily looks up from her plate.

     PAULINE FLEMING chants with soaring self-importance.

                           PAULINE (CONT'D)
               Our school has been torn apart by 
               tragedy. I'm here today to fuse it 
               back together through Togetherness.  
               I want everyone to clasp hands.  We 
               need to connect this cafeteria into 
               one mighty circuit.

     A tableau of dumbfounded STUDENTS stare at the Bullhorn Woman.


     Hungover in dark sunglasses, VERONICA bustles toward the 
     cafeteria entrance clinging to an armful of books while trying 
     to tie a black armband onto herself.

92   INT. THE CAFETERIA--DAY                                       92   

     PAULINE's Evita Peron-like composure is crumbling.

               Yo, what's the problem?  I know you 
               know how to hold hands. Ring-around-
                    (looking to her watch 
                    then Peter)
               Where are they?

     Her back to the viewer, VERONICA enters the cafeteria. HEATHER 
     DUKE floats into view and tightly knots VERONICA's armband.

               I see Ms. Phlegm's on another crusade.  
               With usual success.

                           HEATHER DUKE
                    (looking to the viewer)
               I have a feeling this one'll work.

     VERONICA turns to the viewer and half-gasps.


                                                                      p. 72

     TWO 2-person video CAMERA CREWS and a STILL PHOTOGRAPHER 
     burst into the cafeteria slightly battering the in-the-way 

     PAULINE smiles in relief. She wields around, lifting the 

               The cameras are here! Lock your paws!

     Slightly confused but Awesomed, a table of Country Club Kids 
     including COURTNEY stand and latch out to each other. A nearby 
     table with BETTY FINN and friends follow suit.

     VERONICA looks on with a growing sense of queasiness.

     The Cafeteria swirls into a frenzy with members of more 
     excitable cliques like the Jocks and the Heavy Metalers 
     jumping over and ontotables anxiously bumbling into hand-
     holding constellations. CAMERA CREWS weave beside them.

     In a corner, the PHOTOGRAPHER snaps a shot of a thumbs-up 
     PETER DAWSON with his arms around FEMALE STONER IN ARMY 

     PAULINE runs ahead of a hustling CAMERA CREW and grabs hold 
     of a chain of hand-holding Jocks. She pulls the chain until 
     it connects up with a grateful chain of BETTY FINNS.

     A sleeping HEATHER MCNAMARA drearily awakens to the havoc 
     around her. She takes off her black armband, ties it around 
     her eyes, and droops her head back down on a table.

     VERONICA lets her books slide from her hands, shaking her 

     MARTHA DUNNSTOCK nervously looks to her out-of-control peers.

     HEATHER DUKE slyly looks to VERONICA with an "If you can't 
     beat em..." smile then saunters into the fray. She slides 
     onto the lap of Heavy Metaler Matt. The PHOTOGRAPHER snaps a 

     PAULINE forces apart the handholding Heavy Metal lovers JACKIE 
     and STEVE, sandwiches DENNIS in between them, and madly 

     The PHOTOGRAPHER now shoots a pic of a thumbs-up PETER DAWSON 
     with his arms around an ALL OUT NERD.

     VERONICA stands before the chaos, back to the viewer, in 
     much the same way Heather Chandler did in the opening scene.

     PAULINE and the Geek Squad look to MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK.


                                                                      p. 73

               I may be a geek, but I have my pride.

               Gotcha...Could I get some Stoners 
               over here please!

     Frightened and flustered, MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK quakes 
     for a moment then crawls underneath her table.

     A last panoramic view of the hustling CAMERA CREWS amid the 
     panderingly anarchic STUDENTS unfolds.

     VERONICA suddenly finds herself flanked by J.D. The exiting 
     CAMERA CREWS flow past them.

               Was it as good for you as it was for 

     A dumbfounded VERONICA watches PAULINE and PETER approach.

               I'm gonna need a VHS copy of all 
               this by Monday for my Princeton 

                    (looking to Veronica)
               Veronica, there you are! Wasn't it 
               Fab?  I've put peer pressure out to 

               Oh come on, Pauline. What happens 
               tomorrow, when the cameras aren't 

     As they argue, J.D. looks out and sees MARTHA bob up from 
     beneath her table then dart back under. He ambles away....

               Why are you dissing me, Veronica? 
               I'm trying to redefine the high school 

               You're ignoring the high school 
               experience. People are dead and all 
               you can think to do is whip up some 
               warped Pity Party. If we're going to 
               ever build respect for each other, 
               it's gotta be something...something


                                                                      p. 74

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               real. We can't be tricked into it.  
               Back me up J.D...J.D.?

                    (moving off)
               Let's go Peter, some people are just 
               unwilling to share the pain....


     MARTHA slithers from under the table up into her seat, and 
     head down, tries to finish off a bowl of soup. She slowly 
     looks up and freezes.  J.D. is revealed to be seated across 
     from her, behind his Rebel Without a Cause lunch box. He 
     smiles warmly.

               Greetings and salutations.

93   INT. J.D.'S LIVING ROOM--NIGHT                                93   

     VERONICA restlessly rocks on a couch with increasingly 
     unguarded annoyance. Excitedly insensitive to her words, 
     J.D. spins the tuner of his radio, headphones pressed to one 

               That thing this afternoon...I'm so 
               angry! It was like "Boy, isn't death 
               fun!" "Gee, I wonder who'll die next!"  
               "I'll bet we get four camera crews 
               next time." It was chaos. Fucking 

     J.D. giddily pivots around, tearing the headphones from the 
     radio and causing a blast of static to accompany his words.

               What are you talking about? Today 
               was great. Chaos is great. Chaos is 
               what killed the dinosaurs, darling, 
               and it's what's going to make 
               Westerburg a purified place to get 
               an education.  Face it, our way is 
               the way. We scare people into not 
               being assholes.

                    (a ticking time bomb)
               Our way is not our way.


                                                                      p. 75

               Tell that to the judge; "Your honor, 
               I was led to believe there were Ich 
               Luge bullets in the gun." Tell it to 
               Kurt Kelly! "Don't shoot, Veronica, 
               I'm the quarterback."

     J.D. goes into a Sonny-Corleone-at-the-Turnpike imitation.

     VERONICA throws the first thing she can get her hands on, a 
     framed picture of a woman, at the vibrating J.D.

               I'm telling it to you! You!  Nothing 
               good can come from suicide, from 
               murder, from death. Nothing!  Nothing 
               except more death and shit like that 
               feeding frenzy this afternoon....Geez, 
               what am I..who...  Unnaah! You can 
               be so immature!

                    (looking off)
               You kids are making too much damn 

     BIG BUD DEAN is revealed to be standing in the front doorway, 
     holding a chest exerciser and waving a videocassette.

                           BIG BUD DEAN
               We beat the bitches.

               Oh beautiful. The Beaver's home.

                           BIG BUD DEAN
               Judge told em to slurp shit and die.

     BIG BUD moves to the Entertainment console, turns off the 
     radio and turns on the V.C.R. He crams the cassette in and 
     hefts up his chest exerciser. He begins pumping away as the 
     image of a shabby building appears on the massive T.V.

                           BIG BUD DEAN (CONT'D)
               I put a Norwegian in the boiler room.  
               Masterful. When that blew, it set 
               off a pack of thermals I'd stuck 

     The building blows up. BIG BUD cackles. J.D. politely 
     applauds. BUD pops out the videocassette and bounces away.


                                                                      p. 76

                           BIG BUD DEAN (CONT'D)
               It's great to be alive!

               Do you like your father?

               Never given the matter much thought.  
               Liked my mother.

     J.D. picks up the framed picture that Veronica threw.

                           J.D. (CONT'D)
               They said her death was an accident.  
               But she knew when the explosives 
               were set to go off. She knew...

     VERONICA slowly sits down next to J.D. with dazed concern.

               In some sick way, we unclogged the 
               sinuses of the school. But if we're 
               going to keep the school healthy, 
               it's gotta be through something having 
               to do with life, not death.

               Whoa, Metaphor Tennis anyone?  Tell 
               me, if you put a Nazi in a 
               concentration camp, does that make 
               you a Nazi?


     J.D. exhales in frustration before bounding up from the couch 
     to turn back on the radio.

               Dudes, if I get one more request for 
               that BigFun song I'm going to committ 
               suicide. Here it is......

               They're playing our song....

     As the "song" kicks in (a bunch of guys shouting over a drum 
     machine), J.D. seductively moves toward VERONICA, semi-lip- 
     syncing it. As a seethingly angry but not unaroused VERONICA 
     watches, J.D. slithers onto the couch.


                                                                      p. 77

                           BIGFUN (RADIO)
               TO GO!  TEENAGE SUICIDE; DON'T DO 
               IT!  TEENAGE SUICIDE; DON'T DO IT!

     J.D. stops his seduction and rips out a gun. He giddily fires 
     into the radio, destroying it.

               That's it, we're breaking up.


     J.D. playfully tackles the fleeing VERONICA. This calms rather 
     than angers. She turns on her back. J.D. follows suit.

                           J.D. (CONT'D)
               You can't bring them back. You must 
               know that.

               I'm not trying to "bring back" 
               anybody...except maybe myself.

     VERONICA sighs, then rolls over into a crawling position and 
     eventually into a walking-out-the-door position.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               To think there was a time when I 
               thought you were cool. If you can't 
               deal with me now, just stay home and 
               shoot your T.V., blow away a couple 
               toasters or something. Just don't 
               come to school and don't mess with 

               You'll be back!

     J.D. slowly sits up and with both hands, puts his gun in his 
     mouth. He pauses, lets go of the gun, and then biting down 
     on the barrel of the gun, J.D. proceeds to broodingly tie 
     his shoes.

94   INT. EMPTY CLASSROOM--DAY                                     94   

     J.D. moves to an empty row of desks. He turns the first desk 
     as to face the second. HEATHER DUKE warily lowers herself 
     into the second desk as J.D. flops a manilla envelope onto 


                                                                      p. 78

     HEATHER DUKE opens the envelope and pulls out a stack of 

     The first shot shows a YOUNG HEATHER DUKE in a summer camp 
     uniform that vibrantly reads HEATHER, She is holding one end 
     of a large poster board drawing of two Eskimos rubbing noses.

     Holding the other end, in a summer camp uniform vibrantly 

                           HEATHER DUKE
               What the.....

     With a harsh laugh, she takes in the next photograph. It has 
     YOUNG HEATHER DUKE and YOUNG MARTHA eating toasted 
     marshmallows off each other's sticks.

                           HEATHER DUKE (CONT'D)
                    (queasily intrigued)
               Where did you get these?

               Oh, I just had the nicest chat with 
               Ms. Dumptruck. Got along famously!  
               It's scary how everyone's got a story 
               to tell....Would you care to see the 
               canoeing shots?

                           HEATHER DUKE
               What is this? Blackmail? So what. I 
               once shared a bunk with the biggest 
               loser in the state. I'm not running 
               for president....
                    (narrowing her eyes 
                    at the photos)
               I'll give you a week's lunch money.

               I don't want your money, I want your 
               strength. Westerburg doesn't need 
               mushy togetherness, it needs a leader.

     Heather Chandler was that leader but...

                           HEATHER DUKE
               But she couldn't handle it.

     J.D. laughs. She's on the ball.

               I think you can. In Catcher in the 
               Rye Holden says his ideal job'd be 
               making sure some kids don't fall off


                                                                      p. 79

                           J.D. (CONT'D)
               a cliff.  He doesn't realize if you 
               pay too much attention to the kids, 
               you'll back off the cliff yourself.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               Very very. The photographs?

               Don't worry. I'll ask you to do a 
               favour, one you'll enjoy. You'll get 
               the negatives and everything back 

     J.D. launches away from his desk with a grin. He places a 
     red ribbon on HEATHER DUKE's desk.

                           J.D. (CONT'D)
               In the meantime, strength, And hey, 
               there's a little gift.

95   INT. THE GIRLS BATHROOM--DAY                                  95   

     A spooked HEATHER DUKE splashes water on her face and looks 
     up into the mirror. In a trance, she pulls her hair back 
     Heather Chandler fashion and ties it with the ribbon J.D. 
     gave her.

     A BETTY FINN-A-LIKE moves up to the sink beside her. Two 
     CHIC BABES enter the bathroom with pouting expressions.  
     Seemingly in a trance, HEATHER DUKE bends over and wipes off 
     her wet hands using the oblivious BETTY FINN-A-LIKE's dress. 
     HEATHER DUKE winks to the now-giggling CHIC BABES and saunters 

96   INT. HALLWAY--DAY                                             96   

     HEATHER DUKE bursts through the bathroom door to wickedly 
     strut down the hall. She scowls/smiles in perfect Heather 
     Chandler fashion to various passers-by.

97   ANOTHER HALLWAY--DAY                                          97   

     Disoriented, VERONICA somnambulates down the hall. She 
     suddenly brakes amid the flow of Student traffic to stare at 
     a locker.

     The locker wears a POLICE LINE--DO NOT CROSS sticker. VERONICA 
     pulls out a School Spirit Club I.D. Card and moves to the 

     With the card, she wrangles the locker open. It contains a 
     coat, recognizably Heather Chandler's. On the inside door is 
     a sizable mirror, a cute little "HEATHER" license plate, an


                                                                      p. 80

     Alexander Haig For President sticker, and a picture of 
     VERONICA and the HEATHERS all wearing sunglasses and acting 

     VERONICA zeroes in on a three frame Photo Booth picture. In 
     the first frame, VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER stare 
     stonefaced. In the second frame, the two girls are screaming 
     at the top of their lungs. In the third frame, they have 
     returned to a stonefaced state. VERONICA touches the picture 
     with a quivering smile as two hands flap around her eyes.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               Guess who?


     VERONICA turns around, stunned. The Heather Chandleresque 
     HEATHER DUKE can be seen in the locker mirror. VERONICA 
     violently pushes HEATHER DUKE away and storms off.

     HEATHER DUKE peers in the open locker. A pair of red earrings 
     flash out at her. Biting her lip, she reaches for them.

98   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                                98   

     Lying on the floor, VERONICA concentrates on her phone. With 
     a deep sigh, she pushbuttons out a number. She pauses, then...

               Ouch. Your machine's got the most 
               obnoxious beep. Heather, I'm sorry.

99   INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                            99   

     VERONICA's voice drones through HEATHER DUKE's answering 

                           VERONICA (O.S./MACHINE)
               I'm just calling to say you can wear 
               your hair any way you want to.

     A Male hand picks up the phone. It's College boy DAVID.

               Hey Veronica Sawyer, barf on anybody's 
               carpet lately?

100   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                              100   

     VERONICA cringes.


                                                                      p. 81

               Is this David? Heather's David?  
               What are you doing....

101   INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                          101   

               What can I say? I was pretty broken 
               up by Heather C.'s suicide. I needed 
               somebody super-sensitive like Heather 

102   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                              102   

               I'm delirious for the both of you.  
               Can you put Heather on?

103   INT. HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                          103   

     DAVID proudly looks down off-screen to his lap.

               She can't really talk right now.

104   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                              104   

     VERONICA slams down the receiver and pulls up a sleek leather 
     address book. She severely scans through it. Tossing it away, 
     VERONICA then descends into the sundry junk of her night 
     table drawer and draws up another address book.

     This one is frayed and pink polka-dotted. She peruses it and 

               Hello, Betty.....

105   EXT. SAWYER BACKYARD--LATE AFTERNOON                        105   

     BETTY FINN hits her ball through a wicket and squeals in 
     delight. VERONICA has a motherly smile on her face.

               I don't believe it. I'm winning.

               Don't get cocky, girl.

     BETTY bends down to shoot then raises her body back up.

               I missed you. I know I'm not as, as 
               exciting as your other friends.


                                                                      p. 82

               That's bullshit. Just shoot.

     BETTY once again bends and raises.

               Ronnie, I'm still a virgin. I French-
               kissed Al Springer once but he...


     BETTY finally shoots. Feebly.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               Betty, your daydreams are a lot better 
               than my realities, believe me. I'm 
               afraid though it's time to die.


     VEONCIA gigglingly shoots, but misses the wicket. And instead 
     hits BETTY's ball. Disturbed by the sudden dilemma, she 
     determinedly walks to her ball and moves it away from BETTY's.

                           BETTY (CONT'D)
               Hey, you're not settling for the two 
               shots are you? Knock me out girl. 
               It's the only way.

               It's not my style, okay?

               Nice guys finish last. I should know.

     VERONICA sighs then knocks BETTY's adjacent ball sailing 
     toward the porch and a statuesque Earring-wearing HEATHER 
     DUKE, who does not budge as the ball whizzes past her.

                           HEATHER DUKE

                           BETTY FINN
               I've got to get going, Veronica.



                                                                      p. 83

     HEATHER DUKE walks toward the girls followed by a meandering 
     desultory HEATHER MCNAMARA, who picks up a green mallet and 
     fragilely swings it; her early robustness a forgotten memory.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Croquet won't be the same without 

                           HEATHER DUKE
                    (condescendingly to 
                    the passing Betty)
               Oh Betty, leaving so soon...HEY, I'M 


     Red ball underfoot, HEATHER DUKE savagely "sends" HEATHER 
     MCNAMARA's green ball into the flower bed.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA

                           HEATHER DUKE
               You know what really bites; when 
               people watch that cafeteria stuff on 
               TV and see all those Geeks and 
               Metalheads jumping around, they're 
               going to think Uncool is the Rule at 

     HEATHER DUKE's shot swerves wide of the wicket.

               You're so polluted. Talking down to 
               people, making fake notes....

     VERONICA blows her shot.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               I don't see what gives you the right 
               to lecture, Ronnie. You were soulmates 
               with Betty Finn until you realized 
               you're the cover of Seventeen magazine 
               and she's the before half of a 
               Scarsdale Diet ad.

     HEATHER DUKE bashes her ball into VERONICA's and prepares to 
     send it.

                           HEATHER DUKE (CONT'D)
               Some people just don't matter. Why 
               should those who do carry their 
               weight? Am I right?


                                                                      p. 84

     As HEATHER DUKE swings down her mallet, VERONICA steps on 
     her own ball. When HEATHER DUKE's mallet makes contact, the 
     two balls slam against each other, unmoving, with a loud 

               No, you're wrong. It's not even your 

     The depressed and disoriented HEATHER MCNAMARA, laying against 
     a tree, pipes in.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               She's right.....Boy, croquet's not 
               the same without Heather.

                           HEATHER DUKE
                    (shaking out her wrist)
               I don't know what your damage is 
               Veronica, but me and Heather are 
               going to walk over to the Mall.

     Maybe by the time we head back, your tampon'll be flushed.

     As HEATHER DUKE and HEATHER MCNAMARA meander out the back of 
     the yard, an annoyed VERONICA revolves back toward the house 
     to see J.D. sitting comfortably at the patio table with a 

               Christ, doesn't anybody knock?

               Mummy and Daddy let me in. So I'm a 
               dark horse, huh? You make me blush...

     VERONICA reaches the patio, gently swinging her croquet 
     mallet, excited with the thought that J.D. has come to change 
     his ways.

               Did you come to tell me something?
               Something nice. Remotely apologetic.

               How about that Heather Duke, huh? I 
               say it's about time we got down to 
               doing what we do best.

                    (angrily blowing up 
                    at her bangs)
               Just finish your drink and get out.


                                                                      p. 85

     VERONICA storms to the patio door.

106   INT. GYM--DUSK                                              106   

     Wearing a BigFun T-shirt, MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK sits in 
     the bleachers glumly sipping out of a cup of Coke. Cheers 
     and shouts can be heard booming around her.

     As she places the cup down beside her, it is revealed MARTHA 
     is completely alone in the gym; the others being sad workings 
     of her embattled imagination.

     She lifts the cup back up to her mouth but the plastic lid 
     pops off and a gush of Coke splashes onto her BigFun T-shirt.

107   INT. THE SAWYER LIVING ROOM--DUSK                           107   

     With her croquet mallet, VERONICA comes into her house, 
     sliding the patio door closed. MOM and DAD are watching a 
     video image of PAULINE FLEMING at a cafeteria table.

               Jason's kinda cute for a dark horse.

                           PAULINE (T.V.)
               The Westerburg Suicides were tough 
               on all of us, but we shared the pain 
               of losing three very popular souls.

               I don't know about that coat he was 
               wearing though. Hey, isn't that the 
               flake we met at Open House.

     A zombie VERONICA floats past her parents to stare at the 

               I came into the cafeteria and asked 
               them to hold hands. The response was 

     Footage of the frenzied handholding Students unfolds upon 
     the screen with no evidence of the calculation behind it.

     PAULINE's sanctimoniously dulcet tones go over the image.

                           PAULINE (V.O./T.V.) (CONT'D)
               My mere words liberated the students, 
               causing them to open their petals 
               and reveal their hopes and fears. By 
               a stroke of luck, T.V. cameras were 
               fortunate enough to happen to be on


                                                                      p. 86

                           PAULINE (V.O./T.V.) (CONT'D)
               hand to capture this spontaneous, 
               natural emotional outpouring of 

               Happened to be on hand....spontaneous 
               natural emotional outpouring!

     VERONICA clams up in anger as her parents babble.

               Look there's Heather.

               And there's Heather. Where are you, 

     The video image of PAULINE at a cafeteria table returns.

               Whether to commit suicide is the 
               most important decision a teenager 
               has to make. With supervision from 
               people like myself, we can help young 
               people make the right decision.

     With her croquet, VERONICA slams the on/off Button and turns 
     to her parents.

               I'm right here.

108   EXT. OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL--DUSK                            108   

     MARTHA trudges outside of the school, the coke stain still 
     grotesquely encrusted to her BigFun T-shirt. She pins an 
     illegible-except-for-the-words-DEAR-WESTERBURG note onto her 
     shirt, over the stain. She continues moving toward a street 
     of passing cars.

109   INT. SAWYER FAMILY/T.V. ROOM--DUSK/NIGHT                    109   

     The Sawyer family is on fire. VERONICA yanks the television 
     cord from its socket.

               Turn that back on!

               Can't you see, these little programs 
               eat up suicide with a spoon. They 
               make it seem like a cool thing to 


                                                                      p. 87

               If we're not going to watch that 
               program, can I put on the game?

               Hey kids, make your parents and 
               teachers feel like shit! Get the 
               respect in death you'll never get in 

               Are you trying to tell me it is not 
               a troubled time for the nation's 
               youth?  Get up off the floor, your 
               dress is getting filthy.

               Everybody cares about youth, not the 
               individual. All we want is to be 
               treated like human beings, not like 
               guinea pigs to be experimented on 
               and not like bunny rabbits to be 

               I do not patronize bunny rabbits.

               Treated like human beings? Is that 
               what you said little Miss Voice of a 
               Generation? Just how do you think 
               adults act with other adults? You 
               think it's all just Doubles Tennis.  
               Adults can be horrible to other 
               adults.  When teenagers complain 
               that they want to be treated like 
               human beings, it's usually because 
               they are being treated like human 

     VERONICA leans against the wall with a melancholy smile.

               I guess I picked the wrong time to 
               be a human being.

     MOM is embarassed for getting so involved. She meekly gestures 
     to a tray of paté with a compassionate smile.

               You'll live. Want some paté?

     HEATHER DUKE suddenly breezes in the room, out of breath, 
     holding various shopping bags.


                                                                      p. 88

                           HEATHER DUKE
               Hi everyone, door was open. Have you 
               heard, Veronica? We were doing Chinese 
               at the Food Fair, right, when they 
               come over the radio and say Martha 
               Dumptruck tried to buy the farm. She 
               bellyflopped in front of a car, 
               wearing a suicide note.

               Is she dead?

                           HEATHER DUKE
               That's the punchline. She's still 
               alive, in stable condition. Another 
               case of a geek trying to imitate the 
               popular people of the school and 
               failing miserably. Is that paté?

     VERONICA slaps HEATHER DUKE in the face.

110   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                              110   

     HEATHER DUKE paces the room holding an icepack to her jaw.

     VERONICA is glumly sprawled on the ground.

               I said I was sorry.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               You are out of control. Heather and 
               Kurt were a shock, but Martha 
               Dumptruck, get crucial! She dialed 
               suicide hotlines in her diapers.

               You're not funny. Turn on the radio.

                           HEATHER DUKE
                    (Heather Chandleresque)
               Martha couldn't take the heat so she 
               got out of the kitchen. Just think 
               what a better place the world would 
               be if every nimrod followed her cue.

               Just shut up and turn on the radio.  
               Hot Probs is on.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               Oh shit, yeah.


                                                                      p. 89

     HEATHER DUKE hastens to the radio and flicks it on. Ripping 
     open a bag of corn nuts, she sets herself down next to 
     VERONICA as a TROUBLED MALE VOICE cuts the air.

                           TROUBLED MALE VOICE (RADIO)
               I know it's supposed to be funny 
               that they never get off the island, 
               but still, sometimes I feel like I'm 
               on that island and Gilligan can be 
               just so stupid sometimes.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               This sounds like a good one.

111   INT. RADIO STATION BOOTH--NIGHT                             111   

     A slob D.J. cackles into a conference call-type box.

               Dude, you've got to remember if it 
               wasn't for the courage of the fearless 
               crew, the Minnow would be lost. The 
               Minnow would be lost! Next call!

                           TROUBLED MALE VOICE
               But Skipper hates me...

     The D.J. rudely clicks off the TROUBLED MALE VOICE.

               Whoa, they're coming out early 
               tonight.  What ever happened to 
               abortions and acne?  You've got the 
               Dogcatcher and you're listening to 
               Hot Probs.

112   INT. HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                      112   

     HEATHER MCNAMARA is sitting clandestinely on her bedroom 
     floor talking on the phone and through her radio. A dim lamp 
     provides the room's only light.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               My name is Heather, I mean, not 

     HEATHER MCNAMARA looks up at a Madonna poster on the wall.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA (CONT'D)
               It's Madonna. Geez, no, not that.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA looks up to a knick-knack of little gold 


                                                                      p. 90

113   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                              113   

     VERONICA and HEATHER DUKE simultaneously move into stunned 

               Hey babe, I need a name?

114   INT. RADIO STATION BOOTH--NIGHT                             114   

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA (BOX)
               My name is Tweety.

               Yo, Tweet, if you're going to tell 
               me you just saw a puttycat....

115   INT. HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                      115   

     A broken-down HEATHER MCNAMARA sobs.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               God has cursed me, I think. The last 
               time I had sex, the guy killed himself 
               the next day. I'm failing Math.

116   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                              116   

     HEATHER DUKE excitedlly jumps up as HEATHER MCNAMARA drones 

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA (RADIO)
               My whole life is a mess.  I was 
               supposed to be captain of the 
               cheerleading team, but I probably 
               won't because I miss practice when 
               my Dad visits. My parents are divorced 
               and stuff and....

                           HEATHER DUKE
               Holy shit, that's Heather! We'll 
               crucify her!                 

               Oh man, she knows we listen to this 

117   INT. CLASSROOM--DAY                                         117   

     A blackboard reads POOR LITTLE HEATHER.

                           VERONICA (V.O.)
               Heather told everyone about Heather.


                                                                      p. 91

     HEATHER MCNAMARA is revealed in the front row wearing her 
     cheerleader uniform. To the left, HEATHER DUKE dishes with 
     some dreamy GUYS. At the back of the classroom, VERONICA, 
     monocle in eye, writes in her diary.

                           VERONICA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
               Yes, Dear Diary, I've cut off Heather 
               Chandler's head and Heather Duke's 
               head has sprouted in its place like 
               some mythological thing my eighth 
               grade boyfriend would know about.  
               Heather's even doing the old note 

     A HOMELY GIRL is seen reading a note, glancing to a TYPICAL 

     VERONICA takes in the wicked panorama of the classroom.

                           VERONICA (V.O.) (CONT'D)
               I've seen J.D.'s way. I've seen 
               Pauline's way.  Nothing's changed. I 
               guess that's Heather's way. And jesus, 
               what about J.D.? I can't get him out 
               of my head. Are we going to the Prom?  
               Or to Hell? And where's Heather going?

     HEATHER MCNAMARA suddenly rises and walks out of the 
     classroom, passing a GRUFF TEACHER in a trenchcoat, carrying 
     a briefcase.

                           GRUFF TEACHER
               Where's Heather going?

                           HEATHER DUKE
               She's going to cry-y-y.

118   INT. GIRLS BATHROOM--DAY                                    118   

     HEATHER MCNAMARA struggles to open a bottle of sleeping pills.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Fucking child protector caps.

119   INT. THE GRUFF TEACHER'S CLASSROOM--DAY                     119   

     GRUFF TEACHER writes a math problem on the board. A flustered 
     VERONICA squirms in her seat then leaps up and runs to the 

                           GRUFF TEACHER
               Now where's she going?  Is somebody 
               getting raped today on All My Children 
               or what?


                                                                      p. 92

120   INT. HALLWAY--DAY                                           120   

     VERONICA races down the hall.

121   INT. GIRLS BATHROOM--DAY                                    121   

     HEATHER MCNAMARA is a chipmunk with a mouthful of pills.

     She pulls a glass from her purse and turns on a faucet, but 
     no water comes out. She manages to mumble.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Give me a break.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA gets running water from another sink as 
     VERONICA rushes in. VERONICA punches HEATHER MCNAMARA's face 
     causing the pills to explode out of her mouth. HEATHER 
     MCNAMARA slumps against a stall, onto the floor.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA (CONT'D)
               What are you trying to do? Kill me?

     VERONICA jumps up and down on the pills on the floor.

               What were you trying to do? Sleep?

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Suicide is a private thing.

     VERONICA lunges forward to strike her. HEATHER MCNAMARA 
     recoils with a wail. Half-regaining her composure, VERONICA 
     slides down next to HEATHER MCNAMARA.

               You're giving your life away to become 
               a goddamn statistic in U.S. Fucking 
               A Today. That's got to be the least 
               private thing I can think of.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               But what about Heather and Ram and 

               If everyone jumped off a bridge, 
               young lady, would you?

     HEATHER MCNAMARA wipes tears from her eyes and smiles weakly.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA


                                                                      p. 93

               Hey now, if you were happy every day 
               of your life, you wouldn't be a human 
               being, you'd be a game show host.

                           HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Let's knock off early. Buy some shoes.  
               Something lame like that.


122   INT. THE EMPTY CLASSROOM--DAY                               122   

     Comfortably slouched at a desk, J.D. laconically rumbles.

               So it's come to this.
                    (turning to the viewer)
               Heather Chandler did polls. I want 
               you to do a Petition, as a favor, as 
               the favor. You've heard the group 
               Big Fun, right?

     HEATHER DUKE sits at the desk opposite him torching the 
     manilla envelopes (photographs) with a butane lighter.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               Teenage suicide; don't do it!

               Some teenybopper rag said that Big 
               Fun wants to play a Prom. It could 
               be Westerburg's if we can get 
               everyone's John Hancock.

     J.D. flips across a stack of blank, connected computer 
     printout sheets. At the top is a small paragraph and the 
     word PETITION. HEATHER DUKE blows ashes off her desk and 
     grabs it, giggling.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               I'll get right on it coach. And hey, 
               a little gift. I won't be needing 

     HEATHER DUKE twirls her copy of Catcher in the Rye to a 
     pleased J.D.


                                                                      p. 94

123   INT. STAIRCASE WINDOW--DAY                                  123   

     HEATHER DUKE gothically ascends a staircase, holding the 
     petition. She stops, arms raised high, to bathe in the 
     sunlight blasting through the staircase window.

124   INT. CAFETERIA--DAY                                         124   

     HEATHER DUKE, petition in hand, sashays toward the Country 
     Club Kids table.

               Oh great. Here comes Heather.


125   INT. SCHOOL BUS--DAY                                        125   

     HEATHER DUKE chirps to a schoolbusful of various STUDENTS.

126   EXT. SCHOOL LAWN--DAY                                       126   

     The provocatively dressed Petitioner charms a patch of Jocks.

127   INT. STAIRCASE  WINDOW--DAY                                 127   

     HEATHER DUKE continues to bizarrely bathe in the sunlight of 
     the staircase window.

128   EXT. PARKING LOT--DAY                                       128   

     Strategically wearing Heavy Metal accessories, HEATHER DUKE 
     slams down the petition atop a car-hoodful of Metalheads.

129   INT. STONERS' HALLWAY--DAY                                  129   

     Decked out in denim, HEATHER DUKE vanishes into the Stoner 
     Hallway smoke, with the petition.

130   INT. THE STAIRCASE WINDOW--DAY                              130   

     HEATHER DUKE further writhes in the sunlight until VERONICA's 
     perplexed voice cuts into her bliss.

                           VERONICA (O.S.)

     HEATHER DUKE brings down her arms and the petition and turns 
     to VERONICA, revealed to be descending down the steps.

                           HEATHER DUKE


                                                                      p. 95

                           HEATHER DUKE (CONT'D)
               Color me stoked, girl. I've gotten 
               everyone to sign this petition even 
               the one who think BigFun are tuneless 
               Eurofags. People love me!
               My God, you haven't signed!

               People love you but I know you.  
               Jennifer Forbes told me the petition 
               she signed was to put a hot tub in 
               the cafeteria. And Doug Hylton...

                           HEATHER DUKE
                    (verbally winking)
               So some people need different kinds 
               of "convincing" than others....
                    (happiness evaporating)
               Hey, just sign the petition!  It was 
               J.D.'s idea! He made out the signature 
               sheet and everything. Now will you 
               sign it?


                           HEATHER DUKE
               Jealous much?

     VERONICA slaps HEATHER DUKE with all her might.

               Heather, why can't you just be a 
               friend? Why are you such a MegaBitch?

                           HEATHER DUKE
               Because I can be! The same fucking 
               cheek, goddamnit! Why are you pulling 
               my dick?  Do you think, do you really 
               think, if Betty Finn's fairy godmother 
               made her Cool, she'd still act nice 
               and hang with her dweebette friends? 
               No way! Uh-Uh!

     HEATHER DUKE stumbles down the stairs.

                           HEATHER DUKE (CONT'D)
               Fuck me gently with a chainsaw...

     J.D.'s voice cuts into VERONICA's concentration.


                                                                      p. 96

                           J.D. (O.S.)
               Wanna go out tonight?

     VERONICA grimly turns to see a smirking, descending J.D.

                           J.D. (CONT'D)
               Catch a movie? Some miniature Golf?

                    (jokingly but 
               I was thinking more along the lines 
               of slitting Heather Duke's wrists 
               open and making it look like a 

     J.D. seductively slides behind VERONICA and envelops her.

               I could be up for that. I've already 
               started underlining meaningful 
               passages in Heather's copy of Catcher 
               in the Rye, if you know what I mean. 
               This is great, Veronica. I knew you'd 
               come back.

     As in the Chandler kitchen scene, J.D. kisses the back of 
     VERONICA's neck and she closes her eyes. Suddenly she rifles 
     her elbow into his stomach, doubling him over. She screams 
     in his ear then bolts down the stairs as he gasps after her.

               It's over, J.D.  Over! Grow up!

               I don't get it! You were wrong! I 
               was right! Strength, damnit! Come 

131   INT. SAWYER LIVING ROOM--DUSK                               131   

     Intensely clutching her schoolbooks, VERONICA walks through 
     the front door into the living room where MOM and DAD sit 
     with aggressively compassionate faces. VERONICA is a bit 


     MOM and DAD glance at each other before MOM speaks.


                                                                      p. 97

               Your friend Jason Dean just stopped 
               by. He seemed very concerned about 
               you. He said he thinks you might try 
               to kill yourself.

               You have been depressed lately. Oh, 
               he said this is for you.

     DAD holds out an envelope. VERONICA nabs it and rips it open.  
     The note reads, in feminine manuscript: RECOGNIZE THE HAND 

               Oh my God....

     VERONICA runs off, her mother's voice trailing behind her.

                           MOM (O.S.)
               He says we should keep you away from 
               sharp objects, closed garages, 

132   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--DUSK                               132   

     VERONICA vaults through her bedroom door. A Barbieish doll 
     wearing a BigFun T-shirt hangs from a noose. With a whimper, 
     she swerves away from it, looks to her open window, and then 
     dives onto her bed.

133   EXT. OUTSIDE THE SAWYER HOUSE--NIGHT                        133   

     J.D. laconically leans against his motorcycle with his legs 
     suavely crossed. He looks uo to Veronica's bedroom window 
     and hears another whimper emerge. He puts a cigarette in his 
     mouth and lights it with a smile.

134   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                              134   

     VERONICA curls into a fetal position on her bed and closes 
     her eyes.....tighter and tighter as J.D.'s voice.

                           J.D. (O.S.)
               "You can't ever find a place nice 
               and peaceful because there isn't 

     VERONICA flops around to see J.D. kneeling over her on her 
     bed reading Heather Duke's copy of The Catcher in the Rye.


                                                                      p. 98

                           J.D. (CONT'D)
               Nice. It's got that catcher-in-the-
               ambience. Give it a try, underline 

     J.D. giddily underlines words then slides into a prone 
     position, tossing the book to an enraged VERONICA.

               Get off my bed, you sick psycho.  
               You think you're a rebel. You're not 
               a rebel. You're a sick psycho.

                           (INCREASING RAGE)
               Do you think you're a rebel? Do you 
               think you're a rebel? I wanna know!

               You say tomayto, I say tomahto. Let's 
               call the whole thing off...Hold it!

     VERONICA freezes and J.D. reaches up to her hand where she 
     holds the Catcher in the Rye. Her index finger is curled 
     into the book. Sitting up, J.D. carefully opens the book at 
     that place and peers in.

                           J.D. (CONT'D)
               Look at that. Eskimo. One word. I 
               love it. I usually go for whole 
               sentences myself, but hey this is 
               perfecto. Eskimo. So mysterious...

               Wait a....You're not listening! I'm 
               not on your side....

135   INT. THE DUKE KITCHEN--NIGHT                                135   

     The sound of a lock being jimmied is heard moments before 
     VERONICA and J.D. burst through the door. J.D. moves to the 
     dishwasher and opens it like a burglar opening a safe.

               You're still not listening! I'm not..

                    (pulling out the knife)
               Nag, nag, nag, nag. nag.


                                                                      p. 99

                    (taking the knife 
                    from him)
               This knife is filthy.

               What in the hell do you think I'm 
               doing? Taking out her tonsils?

               I think I know Heather a bit better 
               than you, okay?  If she was going to 
               slash her wrists, the knife would be 
               absolutely spotless.

     J.D. grabs a dishtowel and vigorously wipes off the knife.

               How's this? Can you see your fucking 

     She can and so can the viewer. Tears well in VERONICA's eyes.

     She begins to shudder, a shattered smile quaking on her face.

               Tomorrow someone else will move into 
               her place. That person could be me.
                    (suddenly deliriously 
               Ha, there's only one of us who knows 
               Heather's handwriting and if you 
               think I'm doing another suicide note.

               You don't get it, do you? Society 
               nods its head at any horror the 
               American teenager can think to bring 
               upon itself. We don't need gloves 
               and does anyone really care about 
               exact handwriting?

     J.D. tears his gloves off with a giggle. He takes a pen from 
     the kitchen counter and paper from a cutesy memo pad. He 
     shoves the pen in VERONICA's hand and grabbing her hand, 
     forces her to scribble LIFE SUCKS on the paper.

                           J.D.Q1 (CONT'D)
               Perfecto. Man, I've even got a marked-
               up Catcher in the Rye.  What else 
               does a suicide need?


                                                                     p. 100

     J.D. pulls out the copy of the Catcher in the Rye and opens 
     a door revealing HEATHER DUKE, asleep in an artful pose on a 
     couch, MTV images from the T.V. flashing against her.

                           J.D. (CONT'D)
                    (raising the knife)
               If you'll excuse me......


     J.D. hops in the adjoinging room and slams the door. VERONICA 
     races to the door wailing. She maniacally rattles the doorknob 
     trying to open the locked door.


     The sound of the rattling doorknob subtly turns into wild 
     African music thundering on the soundtrack as PAULINE FLEMING 
     ethereally moves to a blackboard with three chalk strokes on 
     it and makes a fourth chalk stroke.

137   INT. NEWSPAPER/YEARBOOK WORKSHOP--DAY                       137   

     In speeded-up imagery, DENNIS, PETER, and the YEARBOOK GIRL 
     maneuver pictures of HEATHER CHANDLER, KURT, RAM, and HEATHER 
     DUKE in mind-bogglingly countless ways in order to accomodate 
     them all on the same two page layout.

138   INT. FRONT OF THE CAFETERIA--DAY                            138   

     With even more speeded-up imagery, four STUDENTS wearing 
     "What a Waste, Oh the Humanity" T-shirts toss out tons of 
     black armbands into a hungry crowd.

139   INT. CHURCH--DAY                                            139   

     The wild African music and the speeded up imagery slams to a 
     halt at the sigh of HEATHER DUKE lying serenely in a coffin.

     FATHER RIPPER wearing dark sunglasses and a terrifying toupee, 
     walks in front of her to address a sizable group of ADULTS 
     and STUDENTS sitting in foldout chairs before him. FATHER 
     RIPPER dramatically looks over the crowd before finally 

                           FATHER RIPPER

     FATHER RIPPER lets the word hang in the air, then holds up 
     the book.


                                                                     p. 101

                           FATHER RIPPER (CONT'D)
               Heather Duke underlined a lot of 
               things in this copy of The Catcher 
               in the Rye, but I believe the word 
               Eskimo, underlined all by itself is 
               the key to understanding Heather's 

     VERONICA stands in a corner with an "Oh brother" look on her 

                           FATHER RIPPER (CONT'D)
               On the surface, Heather Duke was the 
               vivacious young lady we all knew her 
               to be. But her soul was in Antartica, 
               freezing with the knowledge of the 
               way fellow teenagers can be cruel, 
               the way parents can be unresponsive, 
               and as she writes so eloquently in 
               her suicide note, the way life can 
               suck. We'll all miss Sherwood's little 
               Eskimo. Let's hope she's rubbing 
               noses with Jesus.

     HEATHER CHANDLER moves next to VERONICA holding a plate of 
     steaming spaghetti. She is wearing nerdy glasses and something 
     that looks like an intergalactic prison unifrom.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Is this turnout weak or what? I had 
               at least seventy more people at my 

               Heather? Wha...

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               Oh God Veronica, my afterlife is s-o-
               o boring. If I have to sing "Kumbaya" 
               one more time...

               What are you doing here?!

                           HEATHER CHANDLER
               I made your favorite.  Spaghetti.  
               Lots of oregano.

     With a squeal, HEATHER CHANDLER plunges VERONICA's face into 
     the plate of spaghetti.

                           HEATHER CHANDLER (CONT'D)


                                                                     p. 102

140   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                              140   

     Uncurling from the fetal position that she had fallen asleep 
     in, VERONICA's tightly closed eyes snap open in a sweat as 
     her mother's voice continues to filter through the door. 
     It's all been a dream...........

                           MOM (O.S.)
               Dinner! Veronica! Dinner!

     VERONICA closes her eyes and holds her heart. She suddenly 
     launches to her desk, opens her diary, shoves on her monocle, 
     catches her breath, and begins writing.

                           VERONICA (O.S.)
               Dear Diary, no one can stop J.D. Not 
               the F.B.I., the C.I.A., or the P.T.A. 
               That is to say, no one but me. I 
               know where J.D. is coming from and 
               where he is heading. He's wrong, but 
               I'm going to teach him what's right. 
               I'm going to stop J.D....If it's the 
               last thing I do.

     VERONICA leans back in her chair, sweating. She reaches in 
     the pocket of a blazer draped over the back of the chair and 
     pulls out the cigarette J.D. had given her eariler in the 
     film. She puts it in her mouth unlit then takes it out and 
     puts it back in the blazer.

141   EXT. OUTSIDE THE SAWYER HOME--NIGHT                         141   

     J.D. remains laconically leaning against his motorcycle with 
     his legs suavely crossed as he was before Veronica began 
     dreaming. J.D. finishes his cigarette and pulls out a gun. 
     He checks the bullets, puts the gun back in his coat, and 
     heads toward the house.

142   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                              142   

     VERONICA hugs J.F.K. the cat then rips down the hanging doll.

143   EXT. THE SAWYER FRONT YARD--NIGHT                           143   

     J.D. leans a ladder against the Sawyer house.

144   INT. THE SAWYER DINNER TABLE--NIGHT                         144   

     MOM sets down three plates of spaghetti. DAD watches on.

               Does she want a written invitation?
                    (yelling upward)
               Veronica! Dinner!


                                                                     p. 103

145   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                              145   

     J.D. crawls through VERONICA's window. Hanging from the 
     rafter, neck in a noose of bedshoots, is VERONICA.

146   INT. THE SAWYER DINNER TABLE--NIGHT                         146   

     MOM sets a glass of milk at VERONICA's place, distressed.


147   INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                              147   

     J.D. paces the room, sweating and ranting, waving a gun in 
     one hand, the Barbieish doll in the other.

               I can't believe you did it. I was 
               teasing. I loved you. Sure, I climbed 
               up here to kill you, but first I was 
               going to try and get you back. With 
               amazing petition.

     J.D. throws the gun on the bed and pulls from his coat the 
     computer printout sheet petition, then savagely rolls it out 
     on the floor. It is filled with signatures of different sizes, 
     styles, and colors. J.F.K. blinks.

                           J.D. (CONT'D)
               It's a shame you can't see what our 
               fellow students really signed.

     J.D. flicks open a switchblade. He runs the blade beneath 
     the typed paragraph at the top causing it to peel off, 
     reavealing another typed paragraph.

                           J.D. (CONT'D)
               Listen. "We students of Westerburg 
               High will die. Today. Our burning 
               bodies will be the ultimate protest 
               to a society that degrades us. Fuck 
               you all."  Not that subtle but 
               neither's blowing up the school. 
               Talk about your suicide pacts. When 
               our school explodes tomorrow, it's 
               going to be the kind of thing that 
               infects a generation. A Woodstock 
               for the 80's. Damn, we coulda toasted 
               marshmallows together.

                           MOM (O.S.)
               Honey, are you all right in there?


                                                                     p. 104

     J.D. swiftly picks up the petition and heads out the window.

     MOM enters the room and, seeing her hanging daughter, launches 
     into frantic screams.

                           MOM (CONT'D)
               Oh God, I knew it! No, no!  I want 
               my baby back! I should have let you 
               keep that job at the mall. I was 
               just afraid of you coming home alone 
               at night!

     VERONICA opens her eyes.

                           MOM (CONT'D)
               I made your favorite!  Spaghetti!  
               Lots of oregano!

     VERONICA undos the noose around her neck but still remains 
     hanging for the rope runs all the way down her back beneath 
     her blazer and is tied around her waist. She undos the waist- 
     knot and lands on her bed. She quickly puts a small pillow 
     over the left-behind gun, unnoticed by her dazed MOM.

               Hey Mom, why so tense?

148   INT. THE SAWYER DINNER TABLE AREA--NIGHT                    148   

     Montage music plays as VERONICA rears up from her dinner 
     plate to see her stonefaced PARENTS and her CAT staring at 

149   INT. J.D.'S BEDROOM--NIGHT                                  149   

     J.D. tools with a bomb at his desk. A KNOCK on the door. 
     J.D.  turns down his stereo (and the Montage music).

                           BIG BUD DEAN (O.S.)
               I need some help with my homework...

               Sorry tiger, I'm a little busy....

     J.D. turns back up his stereo (and the Montage music).

150   EXT. FRONT OF WESTERBURG HIGH--MORNING                      150   

     The Montage music continues as school buses arrive in front 
     of the school. STUDENTS pour out.

151   EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT--MORNING                            151   

     STUDENTS come out of their cars.


                                                                     p. 105

152   INT. HALLWAY--MORNING                                       152   

     Typically hectic start-of-another-day-opening-and-slamming-
     of-locker-action. VERONICA darts through the thoroughfare to 
     her locker.

     A passing PAULINE FLEMING screeches to a halt, grabbing 
     VERONICA as she chokes on some styrofoam cup coffee.

               Veronica! J.D. told me you committed 
               suicide last night!

               Where is he? Where's J.D.?

               We have to talk.  I've got some 
               pamphlets in my office that will 
               help you decide if suicide is really 
               for you.  Come on, let's go take a 

               Get a job.

     VERONICA storms to her nearby locker. She swirls her locker 
     combination and opens it. She glances down the hall and 

     In the distance, J.D. moves mechanically down the hallway 
     carrying a large gym bag, wearing a Walkman.

     VERONICA climbs into her locker. She closes it until it is 
     barely perceptibly ajar. J.D. strides past the locker and 
     into the Boys bathroom.

153   INT. BOYS BATHROOM--DAY                                     153   

     J.D smoothly moves into a stall and closes the door. He turns 
     off his Walkman and ends the Montage music.

154   INT. THE HALLWAY--DAY                                       154   

     The hallway slowly clears as STUDENTS go to class. The bell 
     rings. A LATE STUDENT races through the empty hallway.

     VERONICA carefully hatches out of her locker. She treads 
     down the hallway as if something were about to jump out at 


                                                                     p. 106

155   INT. THE GYM--DAY                                           155   

     A group of cheerleaders including HEATHER MCNAMARA are lazily 
     doing cartwheels on the gym floor. On a small stage set up 
     beside them, other STUDENTS are putting up folding chairs.

     PRINCIPAL GOWAN says "Testing" into a microphone.

     J.D., toting the gym bag, slips through the gym door. He 
     moves unnoticed to a position underneath the bleachers.

156   INT. THE HALLWAY--DAY                                       156   

     VERONICA peers around a corner to see an empty hallway.

157   INT. GYM--UNDER THE BLEACHERS--DAY                          157   

     Using heavy black masking tape, J.D. tapes a thermal bomb to 
     a steel support beneath the bleachers. Other thermal bombs 
     can be discerned taped to other supports.

158   INT. THE EMPTY HALLWAY--DAY                                 158   

     VERONICA cautiously treads down the empty hallway, trying to 
     keep in control. Suddenly, packs of STUDENTS burst from 
     classroom doors behind VERONICA. The excited swarms of 
     STUDENTS move toward and past VERONICA, who has braked her 
     troubled treading to stiffly contemplate her passing peers.  
     She latches onto Geek RODNEY in a panic. RODNEY looks down 
     at his clutched arm with a nervous smile.

               Rodney, where's everybody going?

               It's Friday.....

               Oh my God, another damn pep 

               Yeah, these things are pretty 
               artificial, but at least we all get 
               out of class...

     VERONICA ignores RODNEY's amiable attemots at conversation 
     to inquisitively move forward through the crowd.

159   INT. THE GYM--DAY                                           159   

     J.D. darts from out underneath the bleachers to the gym doors.


                                                                     p. 107

     He pops the doors open and sees the crowd of STUDENTS move 
     toward the gym. He suavely pauses then dashes down a nearby 
     set of stairs.

160   INT. THE HALLWAY LEADING TO THE GYM--DAY                    160   

     VERONICA continues to tensely surf the tidal wave of STUDENTS 
     heading for the gymnasium. She stops to watch her classmates 
     file into the gym like lemmings with increasing sense of 

     She again latches onto a passing RODNEY.

               Rodney, what's underneath the gym?

     RODNEY (unconsciously) dramatically stops, turns to VERONICA.  
     and says........

               The boiler room.

     VERONICA blanches then lunges through the crowd. She topples 
     a couple disgruntled STUDENTS before careening down the 
     staircase beside the gym.

161   INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE BOILER ROOM--DAY                   161   

     J.D. walks by the firm glass windows of the boiler room, 
     eyeing the pounding generators inside. He stops at a heavy 
     steel door.

     Placing down his gym bag, J.D. proceeds to swiftly pick the 
     lock. He swings open the steel door.

                           VERONICA (O.S.)
               May I see your hall pass?

     J.D. wheels around. A sweating VERONICA moves toward him, 
     pointing the bedroom gun at him.

               I knew that loose was too noose! I 
               mean, noose too loose! Goddamn you!

               Like father, like son.  A serious-as-
               fuck bomb in the boiler room that'll 
               set off a pack of thermals upstairs.  
               Okay, so let's start by slowly putting 
               the bomb down on the ground.

     J.D. looks down at the gym bag already on the ground. He 
     folds his arms and smiles. VERONICA forcefully moves closer.


                                                                     p. 108

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               Okay, okay. I knew that. I knew that.  
               Put your hands on your head.

               You didn't say Simon Says.

     J.D. suddenly kicks out into VERONICA's stomach, doubling 
     her over and causing her to drop the gun. J.D. gracefully 
     retrieves it.

162   INT. THE GYM--DAY                                           162   

     The pep assembly is in full swing with rowdy STUDENTS in the 
     bleachers earthily shouting, giggling cheerleaders making 
     swaying pyramids, valiant band members struggling to be heard.

     Various Jocks, stand on the stage with PRINCIPAL GOWAN as a 
     YEARBOOK PHOTOGRAPHER flashes away.

163   INT. THE HALLWAY BEFORE THE BOILER ROOM--DAY                163   

     VERONICA bends over quivering and clutching her bruised ribs.

     J.D. raises the gun to her head.

               Live by the sword...

     VERONICA swings her left arm up knocking J.D.'s gun hand 
     upward. She then sails her right fist into his face. The 
     blow annoys him more than it hurts him but J.D.'s momentary 
     loss of composure allows VERONICA to come in with another 
     much harder right hook. The blow sends J.D. stumbling back 
     against the boiler room, jarring the gun loose.

     They simultaneously lunge for the gun. VERONICA, having the 
     better grip, pulls so forecfully that after wrenching the 
     gun from J.D., she loses control of it, flinging it down the 

     VERONICA pops up to retrieve it but J.D. moves his legs 
     scissors-style around her and trips her.

164   INT. GYM--THE PREP ASSEMBLY--DAY                            164   

     The assembly mindlessly blares on. Cheerleader HEATHER 
     MCNAMARA rah-rah-rahs. RODNEY and the other Geeks pass around 
     a pair of opera glasses, all intensely scoping out the 
     cheerleaders. A group of STONERS toke away beneath the 
     bleachers, one of them lackadaisically leaning against a 
     thermal bomb.


                                                                     p. 109

165   INT. THE BOILER ROOM HALLWAY--DAY                           165   

     A snarling J.D. stands up, pulling VERONICA with him.

               You think just because you started 
               this thing, you can end it?

     J.D. violently kisses/bites VERONICA. While kissing, VERONICA 
     sees a fire alarm on a nearby wall. She closes her eyes then 
     savagely knees J.D. in the groin. VERONICA bolts to the alarm 
     and pulls it down. Nothing happens. J.D. gasps.

                           J.D. (CONT'D)
               You, really didn't think I'd, forget, 
               forget, to disconnect the....

     VERONICA rockets her body down and picks up the gun. J.D. 
     grabs her and throws her against the steel boiler room door.

     A jostled VERONICA raises the gun. J.D. howls then bounds 
     toward VERONICA, causing them both to careen down the steel 
     steps of the boiler room. At the same time, he inadvertently 
     kicks the gym bag/bomb down along with them. The gun spins 
     from VERONICA's hand and slides away. The bomb flies out of 
     the bag onto the boiler room floor. A digital clock on the 
     bomb clicks on at 5:00....4:59....4:58...

166   INT. GYM--THE PEP ASSEMBLY--DAY                             166   

     The frenzied pep assembly crowd is now doing "The Wave". 
     BETTY FINN and her similar co-horts deliriously get into the 
     act, all sit in a circle at the bottom rows of the bleachers, 
     pouting as STUDENTS bounce up and down around them. Jocks 
     stand on the stage grinning and preening before the crowd.

167   INT. THE BOILER ROOM--DAY                                   167   

     VERONICA and J.D. are in a heap at the bottom of the boiler 
     room steps. VERONICA faintly works into a semi-sitting 
     position and gives an astonished glance to the bomb, its 
     digital clock clicking to 3:04. VERONICA crawls to the gun 
     and levels it at a rousing-up J.D.

               The bomb's gone on, J.D.! How do you 
               turn it off? Tell me!

     Fully standing, J.D. flicks open his switchblade. He gives 
     VERONICA "the finger," screaming in exploded saliva...

               Fuck you!


                                                                     p. 110

     Seething, VERONICA shoots up at J.D. blowing off "the finger."

     Shrieking in pain, J.D. drops the knife to hold this sudden 
     geyser of blood. VERONICA achingly stands, pointing the gun.

     The bomb clicks down to 2:25.

               It's all over, J.D. Help me to stop 

               You want to wipe the slate clean as 
               much as I do. Okay, so maybe I am 
               killing everyone in the school because 
               nobody loves me. You have a purpose 
               though! Remember? Let's face it, the 
               only place different social types 
               can genuinely get along with each 
               other is in heaven.

     VERONICA fires the gun at J.D.'s feet. The bomb clicks to 

     She focuses her eyes on three red buttons on the bomb.

               Which button do I press to turn it 
               off? Tell me!

               Try the red one, but seriously, people 
               are going to look at the ashes of 
               Westerburg and say there's a school 
               that self-destructed not because 
               society didn't care, but because 
               that school was society. Is that 
               deep or what? I'll let you put it in 
               your diary, babe. Free of charge.

               Which red button, asshole?

               Press the middle one to turn it off.  
               If that's what you want babe.....

     VERONICA picks up the bomb and puts it on a steel drum, 
     speaking with her back turned.

               You know what I want, babe?


                                                                     p. 111


     J.D. snatches up his switchblade and lunges toward VERONICA.

     She springs away, causing him to bring the knife down past 
     her and onto the middle red button, stopping the clock on 
     the bomb at 00:17.

               Cool guys like you out of my life.

     VERONICA fires the gun twice into J.D.'s stomach. Coughing 
     and moaning, he splatters against a generator.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               But don't worry, these here were Ich 
               Luge bullets.

     J.D. closes his eyes and slumps to the ground. VERONICA 
     wearily regards the image of the knife stuck in the stopped 

168   INT. GYM--THE PEP ASSEMBLY--DAY                             168   

     A cheerleader does a cartwheel in slow motion as eerie music 
     plays. The manic crowd in the bleachers vibrates in slow 
     motion as well. At normal speed, a smiling VERONICA walks to 
     the doors of the gym and peers in.

     The panorama of roaring students, posing jocks, and prancing 
     cheerleaders continues to unfold in slow motion. VERONICA 
     walks away......

169   EXT. THE FRONT OF THE SCHOOL--DAY                           169   

     VERONICA wearily pushes open the front door and emerges 
     outside of the school. She closes her eyes to therapeutically 
     bask in the sun's rays. A slight smile trembles onto her 
     face. A strange voice kills it.

                           J.D. (O.S.)
               Color me impressed.

     J.D. stands starkly in the distance before her, blood spurting 
     from his mouth onto his gunslinger coat.

                           J.D. (CONT'D)
               You really fucked me up, Veronica.

               I thought I...you..I...


                                                                     p. 112

               You've got power, Veronica. Power I 
               didn't think you had. The slate is 

     J.D. pulls open his coat revealing that the bomb is attached 
     to his torso. The green light is on and the clock says


                           J.D. (CONT'D)
               Pretend I did blow up the school. 
               All the schools. Now that you're 
               dead, what are you gonna do with 
               your life?

     VERONICA takes the unlit cigrette from her blazer pocket and 
     puts it in her mouth. She then folds her arms.


     GJ.D. raises his arms in a crucifixion pose as the bomb clicks 
     to 0:00. Nothing happens. An annoyed J.D. breaks out of his 
     crucifixion stance and raps the bomb with his palm.

170   INT. GYM--THE PEP ASSEMBLY--DAY                             170   

     The sound of the bomb explosion plunges the cheering up-and-
     down pep assembly into chaos. Wailing students pour out of 
     the bleachers screaming less out of fear than a "Whoa Dude" 
     sense of excitement.

171   EXT. THE FRONT OF THE SCHOOL--DAY                           171   

     VERONICA stands in the same position in front of the school 
     with her arms still folded. Only now her cigarette is lit 
     and her face and clothes are blackened in ash. Flames flicker 
     in bushes behind her. VERONICA drags on the cigarette and 
     turns to go inside.

172   INT. THE FRONT HALLWAY--DAY                                 172   

     VERONICA strolls into the school and into a hallway of howling 
     students, some of whom are tearing down Prom banners for the 
     thrill of it. HEATHER DUKE rushes up to VERONICA and grimaces.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               Veronica, you look like hell.

               Yeah, I just got back.


                                                                     p. 113

     VERONICA tosses away the cigarette. She then grabs HEATHER 
     DUKE by the shoulders and forcibly turns her around.

                           HEATHER DUKE
               What are you doing?

               Heather, my love, there's a new 
               sheriff in town.

     VERONICA takes off HEATHER DUKE's red ribbon and ties it 
     around the hair of her own head. She kisses HEATHER DUKE on 
     the cheek, leaving a black stain. VERONICA calls off.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               Hey, Martha, wait up.

     MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK revealed to be in a wheelchair, 
     brakes to a stop and looks to Veronica, confused. VERONICA 
     walks up beside her. MARTHA starts up her wheelchair and 
     accompanies VERONICA away into a deserted hallway.

                           VERONICA (CONT'D)
               My date for the prom kind of flaked 
               out on me, so I thought if you weren't 
               doing anything that night we could 
               go to the video store and rent some 
               new releases or something.  Maybe 
               pop some popcorn.

               I'd like that.

               So would I.

     VERONICA and MARTHA continue gliding Bogart/Rains style.

                               The End