Memory Foam Beds Brought Me Total, Perfect Bliss

Memory foam brought me everything good and positive in my life. Today I am a multimillionaire, I have a beautiful wife, two smart kids and perfect health, and all of it was made possible by my memory foam. In fact, my life made a complete 180 degree turn after my very first night on a memory foam mattress. At that point, things were not going well for me. I hadn't had a date in months, I was stuck in a dead end grocery store job, and my back was killing me all the time. Plus, I was balding, my grammar was terrible, and I had an ingrown toenail. Little did I know how amazingly my life would turn around after just one night on a memory foam bed.

Memory foam beds are nice for sleeping, but I never thought that one night would make such a difference. I woke up after that first night on my memory foam bed, and my back pain was gone. I couldn't believe it, after just one night! That made me feel pretty good, and it was a beautiful day in Philadelphia, so I was in a great mood as I showered and got ready for work. As I was putting on my shoes and heading out the door, I noticed that my ingrown toenail had healed itself! This was after just one night on my memory foam bed! So that was great, and I headed out to work. Although there is nothing I dread more than bagging groceries for the Philadelphia public at my crappy job, today I was feeling pretty good. This day not even the silly tourists that had come to see the attractions in Philadelphia bothered me too much. I was feeling so good, in fact, that I bought a lottery ticket, and being as well-rested as I was, I won! $10,000 a month for the rest of my life! All thanks to my memory foam bed! After just one night!

I immediately quit my stupid job, told my boss where exactly he could stick his coupon codes, and headed out to downtown Philadelphia to spend some money in one of Philadelphia's clubs or bars.

My memory foam bed had brought so much joy to my life already, imagine my surprise when I looked in the mirror and saw that my hair had grown back! The day before, I had a terrible case of male pattern baldness. Now I had long, luxurious and eminently manageable hair! My hair had body! It had shine! After just one night on a memory foam bed! Plus I was taller now, for some reason! I was a healthy 6' 2"! And my vocabulary had improved, overnight! Suddenly, I knew what it meant to be hyperbolic! And it was the greatest, most wonderfully awesome thing ever to happen, ever in the history of mankind! My memory foam bed had certainly served me well. So far it had helped me win the lottery, stopped my male pattern baldness, cured my ingrown toenail, eliminated my back pain and restless nights, improved my vocabulary, and made me several inches taller, but it was about to get even better. I decided to go into the local record store to pick up the new Blackalicious album. Why not, right? I'm rich! I walked into the record store, and who did I see standing by the Smooth Jazz section? That's right, Gwyneth Paltrow! I was so excited, I decided to ask for her autograph, but before I could, she grabbed my face and kissed me up against the CD racks! I couldn't believe it, I had only had my memory foam bed for one night, and already I'm being kissed by smoking hot movie stars! Then Gwyneth said, "hey let's go to your place", and I said "great idea! I've got a memory foam bed!"

Three years later, Gwyneth and I have two lovely children, my hair has completely grown back and I wear it long like Fabio, and I have continued to grow taller. I am now nearing seven feet, and loving it! If you want to completely change your life, don't work hard to improve yourself, that would be a stupid waste of time. All you have to do is go buy a memory foam bed.